( mssg » jesse | sent ) I’m only saying that it’s odd you texted me for only that reason. ( mssg » jesse | sent ) So? I got curious. You can’t blame me for that.
From the look on Eugene’s face, it was clear that he did not completely believe the young man. “Long days are not normally known to cause such an outburst of emotion. I would say that something else is troubling you.” His eyes trailed up to the stairs. “If I am correct, and I usually am, I would say that would be the cause of your sorrows.”
Blaine could tell that Eugene wasn’t buying his flimsy excuse. Not that he could blame him. It was an outright awful, panicked one he came up on the spot. Biting into his lip, he studied the man closely and dug deep to find the courage to talk about why he was sitting alone in the state he was in. Okay, mostly bothering him. A surface scratch, a test of the waters to see if they could really talk. “Please don’t say anything? You don’t have to answer me..but..? Doesn’t this place ever terrify you?”
❝ Isabelle Wright’s office— Please wait while I transfer you.” Answering the phone connected to his headset almost felt like an out of body experience. His mind stuck on some kind of strange autopilot while his heart continued to crumble deep inside his chest— still beating; still functioning and pumping blood out into his veins and yet, somehow, no longer whole in its existence.
Of course Blaine still wanted to see him before he left. Leaving the loft the way that he did, out of the door before 7am and not once uttering a single sound as he had gotten dressed on the bed right next to the guy in question, he probably shouldn’t have expected his former boyfriend’s reaction to be much different; his thoughts all-consumed and swallowing thickly as he reread the notifications up on his phone before he finally (and after quite a few long hard minutes of empty staring) found the courage to once again open up their private conversation.
Home was no longer a person.
( mssg » blaine | sent ) I can’t.
Standing face to face with the man he had once loved, with who had he shared and overcome so many memories, who had encouraged to him to go to New York and begin to make a life for himself a year ahead of him, who he had promised to never say goodbye; who had knowingly betrayed his trust and made it seem as though as it meant nothing, Kurt simply didn’t think he could bear it.
This… was just something he was going to have to learn to live with; teeth sinking down into his bottom lip as he watched, with intent eyes, as the message rapidly marked ‘delivered’; the lump in his throat unyielding as he waited, anxious for whichever reply would come next as he fought back the tears he so desperately wanted to remain hidden inside of him.
Time felt so slow now. Impossibly slow. An hourglass filled with sand that every tiny particle was an eternity that passed by agonizingly slow seemed to fill to the brim with how long he waited for the reply to come. His anxiety turned the ache into an excruciating torture. Blaine knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he should be packing. Whether or not he heard back, he knew it wasn’t going to be a situation he could fix automatically in one night.
Kurt would still need his space, still want him GONE but he couldn’t bring himself to start. What if he got a message that Kurt would come back? What if, by some miracle, he’d get to stay one more night so they could talk and he could leave in the morning? What kind of a moron lets himself believe something so childish and greedy and foolish? Him. He did. Sort of but a sliver of hope was better than none at all.
A notion proven as idiotic as it sounded in his head when he received only two words back. I can’t. Blaine’s hope gave out and so did his spine. Slouched over and letting his arms sag between his knees, hazel eyes red and brimming with tears finally blinked and let them fall. Hope wasn’t something he deserved but he so so wanted it.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) I’m s o sorry. I lvoe you. I’ll be ggone as soon as i can.
He pressed send with trembling fingers, eyes practically blind with tears as hope died out and he stood up barely computing what to do next. His things. He needed to get his things together but all he could do was stare at Kurt’s pillow and wonder if that was the last time he’d ever be close to him in any way. Fingertips reached out, tracing over the fabric before he picked it up and took in the smell of Kurt’s hair and skin and shampoo.
It was silly to make the bed but that’s what he started to do, letting the phone fall on the comforter as he sat the pillow down and smoothed it out. Then did the same to his the other one. This was it, it was over. He wouldn’t be welcome here again. He lost his home. It was burned to the ground, actually. And he was the one who threw the match. Heartbroken, there was no one else to blame other than himself.
head bowed as he turned his gaze to the floor between his feet, a heavy sigh tumbling past his lips. his intention was not to make his friends worry – but it did ease his anxious mind a little, knowing he could confide in someone like Blaine. He’d never been good at seeing himself the way others did – there was too much DOUBT . his friends always brought him back.
His head lifted as Blaine’s voice filled his ears, casting a glance at him. He knew then, he wasn’t the only one struggling and he wouldn’t be. there would loads of other seniors or young adults wallowing in their self-doubt, experiencing some sort of existential crisis the way they were. he understood all too well where Blaine was coming from. But still ! Blaine was incredibly talented, much of the same caliber as Kurt and Rachel, he could easily have gotten into any school in New York or where ever it was performers went. He was amazing. He was BLAINE ANDERSON. there wasn’t any other like him – not even close. Finn didn’t know where he was headed after school, whether it to be to New York or to the army, or to college – but they still had time. Time to make memories, make school worth remembering . his lips tugged into a faint, lop-sided grin as he glanced at Blaine again. “ I know, man. it feels rough, but YOU STILL GOT ME, I’m not goin’ anywhere anytime soon. “
When Finn met his gaze, Blaine smiled at the victory. Seeing Finn no longer staring at the floor while his mind sank into an abyss of self-doubt and worry warmed his heart and filled him with a sense of relief. Finn was such an amazing person. Such a good brother and endearing friend who TRULY cared about the people in his life. He deserved to have someone listen. Someone tell him he was going to be okay. Besides, Blaine actually believed Finn would be. There were plenty of people there to catch him if he fell. Blaine would know, he was one of them.
Hearing Finn coming around, Blaine felt a little guilty for confessing his own worries. Less than he did at first but it was still there as a caution not to bring them both down again by saying too much. Like how Finn couldn’t promise that when Blaine had just been thinking that Finn was going to be just fine and get out of this town like everyone else wanted to. Whether or not it was to college wherever. New York or here. Finn would be gone, too. Still, it was a sweet thing to say and Blaine wasn’t going to turn the attempt to comfort him. “Thank you, Finn. I know. I just love him so much. It won’t be the same without him, which means.. We just gotta make the best out of whatever time we have together, huh? How about we start now,” he brushed his hands together, leaving his worries about Kurt at a minimum and stood up nodding at the exit of the choir room. “I’ll buy dinner if you promise that after? There’s a Star Wars marathon with massive amounts ice cream for dessert?”
text — b. anderson ; Did he now? Interesting story. text — b. anderson ; And what rumor might just that be? text — b. anderson ; You have my word. text — b. anderson ; You always were very talkative.
( mssg » jesse | sent ) Uhm. I guess it’s not that interesting. ( mssg » jesse | sent ) Nothing. Nevermind. Thank you though. I don’t need her putting the Rachel Hammer down on me. ( mssg » jesse | sent ) Talkative? True. I guess.. ( mssg » jesse | sent ) So, did you really take your time to only say congratulations to me? I mean, I’m grateful for it. But this was unexpected and quite curious. Don’t you agree?
pianokeysandbowties 