Jealous? He was a little jealous? It had actually worked; Sebastian’s plan at catching Blaine’s attention succeeded, even if it was just the slightest bit. Of course now he only felt bad. Blaine seemed really apologetic for something he shouldn’t be. Sebastian had noticed over all the time he’s known Blaine that he has a tendency to say sorry for things that weren’t his fault at all. He couldn’t help that Sebastian was madly in love with him from day one. Blaine never asked for that. Although at the same time, Sebastian never held back on showing Blaine how much he wanted him. Hearing Blaine say his name always made a small shiver run down his spine. The way it sounded on his tongue made Sebastian beyond hopelessly devoted.
“ I don’t expect you to say anything. You didn’t mean to hurt me, Blaine—— && I know that damn well. I’m just selfish sometimes. I wanted what I couldn’t have… Just like you said, timing has been horrible for us. Don’t feel bad, I’d never intentionally try to make you feel guilt. “ His voice came out soft without a single hiss or sliver of snark. Something you could only see if you knew how to find Sebastian’s vulnerable side.
But then the touch of Blaine’s fingers tracing over his veins so delicately, it was like that touch alone was one that would tame a wild fox. This had been a touch he’d dreamed about many times. It comforted him && he slowly began to calm down. The heavy exhales from out his nose slowed themselves, && he bites down on his bottom lip as eyes slowly shift up to meet Blaine’s. Fingers lock in between his, rubbing his thumb across Blaine’s palm. If you look inside the crystal green irises hard enough you would be able to see a door that opens up to his true feelings. There were no flames in those eyes now, but the closest he could ever get to innocence. “ But now that we’re here, what are you really trying to say to me right now? You actually have feelings for me back?“ If that was the case, he craved to hear Blaine say it.
Noticing the way one touch against Sebastian’s wrist managed to ease his breathing and bring those torn green eyes into a far calmer hue, Blaine relaxed. Some part of what Sebastian said seemed to hit him deep. Like a part of him needed to hear that from someone. “I know you don’t. It doesn’t change the fact that I feel it anyway. I’m just really good at hurting people I care about.” People. Not ‘people’, no. Just the one he promised to never hurt. “I didn’t want you to be someone else I made a mistake to that I can’t erase.” The thought that he’d damaged Sebastian in any form that lead him to the point where he felt he only had someone like Hunter that he deserved cut him. Oh, but Sebastian didn’t want him to feel guilt. Easier said. Vulnerability in Sebastian’s eyes drew Blaine’s hand partially up. An urge to touch him, draw him down to eye level so that when he made his point–it was clear and without a question. His touch never landed. Distracted by their fingers locking together, it lowered again and with it–Blaine’s gaze.
He watched muscle along the side of Sebastian’s hand move as his thumb grazed over his palm and sent a charge through his system. Their eyes met. Blaine wasn’t breathing. Only wordlessly staring up to a face that lost it’s snark and habitual wide grins. His mask was gone completely. More than he’d ever seen before. He hurried for an answer Sebastian deserved. Rushed to find one and couldn’t do more than swallow so oxygen was a thing for him again. What to do about him? Clueless. Blaine was too stricken by how quickly this spiraled out of control. Sebastian didn’t give him any reprieve. His face went pale, mouth ajar. Yes. Tell him that this is ripping me apart. It wasn’t what I planned but I’d be lying if I said no. That it’s always been there. Sebastian’s hand took the brunt of a tight squeeze. He wished that he could hear his thoughts. He should lie. What would that do? Send him right back to Hunter. This entire night would be pointless. Sebastian would be gone. Hell, he’d probably never talk to him again. “Yes,” Blaine was nodding before he put a voice to his answer. “Yes,” he repeated pulling his hand from the grip that screamed at him not to. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” Why’d he say that? Why’d he pick now? “I’m sorry.” Another apology. “I know. I waited. Too little. Too late. I need to go,” and so began his backwards exit. “Think about what I said. Don’t be the person he wants you to be. When the person you are is so important. I’d never ask you to compromise yourself. Ever, Sebastian.”
When Blaine’s touch hovered towards his wrist, Sebastian had an instant instinct to jerk it away. Because he didn’t want Blaine so close to him?No, that wasn’t it at all. It was because he was afraid of opening up. Terrified to show the one boy he truly felt love for any side of himself that was revealed && open; raw with emotion. He would leave Hunter ( The boy he had been using as nothing more than a jealousy device && a warm body ) in a millisecond if it meant he could make Blaine Anderson his && his only. Hunter Clarington wasn’t comforting, his skin was cold && uninviting. There was no connection. But he was comforting enough to try && take this mind off of the original legacy of Dalton, Blaine. So before he could even think about denying Blaine’s touch, he simply let his wrist be held; slowly easing into something that would be honesty.
“ Fine… The act is up. “ Eyes avoided the other set of hazel ones before him, looking down towards the ground with a broken frown. “ I don’t want you to leave me alone… That’s the whole point. I’ve been screaming your name in my head, Blaine. Doing everything I can to make you notice me—- “ Hearing himself be honest felt like a burn was left on his tongue, but he couldn’t play this game any longer. “ I wanted to make you jealous && I’ve been dying for you to realize that we have always had a connection && you know it. Before I ever even met you face to face, you caught my attention. Then the first time I ever looked at you I knew I had a thing for you, as I make obviously clear. Since we met I’ve felt a need to chase after you, always wondered how much hearts you’ve stolen. But I never thought I would be added to the list. && then when things never came around, my cockiness was struck down && I realized I could NEVER be good enough for you. “
Blaine felt triumph and defeat. Sebastian not pulling away from him was a victory that gave him hope he was making a difference and Sebastian wasn’t beyond saving. If he would only let him in. Defeat in Sebastian not being able to meet his eyes. He worried if the aversion to looking at him ran deeper then Sebastian not wanting to open up and talk. Was he pushing too far? Was Sebastian guilty about something he shouldn’t be? Making him feel horrible wasn’t Blaine’s intention. He just didn’t want to lose him to someone like Hunter Clarington. Sebastian couldn’t become the person Hunter was attempting to turn all of the boys inside this school into. Hunter was taking something so good and genuine and turning it into a mockery. Blaine couldn’t bring himself to ever let the psychopath turn Sebastian into the same.
Not Sebastian. Not someone he— Blaine flinched like he was struck with the truth Sebastian threw at him thanks to Blaine’s pushing. Careful what you ask for. What you get might just be a punch you aren’t prepared for. He cringed inwardly already knowing most of it. Not the extent of what Sebastian was saying but he knew that Sebastian cared for and wanted him. He wasn’t blind just pretended to be –most of the time– because it wasn’t the right time. It never was. Don’t fall for me, Seb. Don’t fall for me. I don’t deserve it. Tracing the thin veins along the underside of Sebastian’s wrist, Blaine squeezed their fingers together. He should go. He didn’t want his heart to leap hearing Sebastian but it did. He didn’t want to say what his mouth refused to keep quiet. “I NEVER meant to hurt you. I never meant to let you down either,” the smile he carefully kept in check dimmed but he stepped closer and held on tight. Maybe he needed some gravity too. “Seb..,” he whispered, “What am I supposed to say? You were never not good enough for me. Our timing’s just always been awful. You know that.” Blaine shrugged and rolled his eyes letting his gaze wander towards the floor instead. “Maybe I am a little jealous. Because you’re too amazing for this guy. All of you are. Especially you.” What could he say to everything else Sebastian said when it was still sinking in?
“ I would pin him against the wall && whisper in his ear until he’s hot && bothered enough for me to hear a moan come from him. I would kiss all down that perfect body… Letting him know how sexy he is. Then I would get down on my knees for him. I could elaborate with the dirty details but I’m just going to assume you’re intelligent enough to guess what happens next… Lets just say I would give him with every ounce of attention I have. Something he deserves, he has always deserved to be treated like a king. I would make him realize that I could be the perfect one for him. “
Suddenly, everything fell on top of him. A stone cold weight of the truth pushing down on his shoulders, sending his artificial confidence to crash onto the ground. All of the lies he had told prior to now about being truly interested in Hunter shatteredto pieces. A fragile vase. Though he convinced himself through && through that he was over Blaine, he knew it wouldn’t put up for long. Looking into those hazel eyes alone never got old. && the worst part of it all—– hearing his voice. Blaine was clearly genuine.
Not too much could tamper with Sebastian’s cold heartedness, he wasn’t an easy boy to bring down. But a natural weakness was always present when it came to Blaine Anderson. Why? Because he had always been && still is hopelessly in love with him. Skin was becoming hot, temper telling him to push Blaine away but his heart telling him to confess. By now you could begin to see the pain in his face. But soon that was cut off with a forced glare, strengthening his voice to make sure Blaine wouldn’t hear it crack. “ The only thing I need to care about is myself. The Warblers are fun && all but——- “ Suddenly the whole sum of what Blaine had just said hit him hard. “ Wait a minute… Why are you even going on about this whole ‘ caring for me ‘ thing? Why the hell would you ever care about me?“ Sebastian didn’t know how he could pretend any longer. This felt like hell.
Backward momentum swung into forward via steps that faltered. An invisible barrier made up from the tiniest crack in Sebastian’s facade blocked him from retreating any further towards hall. Blaine always noticed things other people wished he wouldn’t. A flaw that he once saw as a strength. Time and time again the universe kept holding up a neon sign that he was wrong and trying to break through when he wasn’t wanted only lead to anger and hurt on both parts. He still didn’t listen. Would he ever? No. Hard to break who you are. It’d be like him stopping breathing.
Or harder. His lungs proved their point when he was close enough to take hold of Sebastian’s wrist. “I’d believe everything you said if you didn’t look like saying it was about ready to make you fall apart. Why are you hiding from me? You never used to before him. Remember? You were the one to let me see you for you. I didn’t ask. You just showed me and it took so long for us to get to that point. Once we did, I didn’t expect us to go backwards.” Like everything else in my life. “Tell me you mean what you’re saying and I’ll walk away and leave you to what you want and chalk this up as another one of my many mistakes of misjudgement. We both know that’s a lie.” Sad but hopeful eyes never wavered from the forced cold stare of green he loathed being aimed at him. Blaine’s gentle grip became more firm. He was offering Sebastian a way to the surface he was slipping under before he drowned. “I care about you because you’re you and I thought I knew you. I think I still do,” he squeezed his eyes shut bowing his head to meet the hand he lifted to wipe his face, “Or if I don’t?” All the tiredness and heaviness in his chest hit home when he looked up at him again. The weight on his shoulders slouched his otherwise stiff back. “Just tell me to leave you alone and save me the embarrassment of talking to a brick wall. Cause feels a lot worse than the empty room I’ve been talking into for months.”
“ A jerk?Wow, Killer. That’s hard hitting evidence. But you really shouldn’t stick your nose where it doesn’t belong. See—– back when I was desperate && on your dick twenty four seven I would of dreamed of a conversation like this. You telling me any other boy toy isn’t right for me. But the funniest part is, you never wanted me back… As you so repetitively insisted. I used to tell you that Kurt wasn’t good for you, but you never even took a chance to listen. So why should I listen to you? Guess you just have to face the fact that I was never sugar sweet && I never will be. Maybe what I needed this whole time was a guy that understands all of me. “
“Yeah. A jerk. Whatever. Hard hitting evidence or not? It doesn’t change the fact that he’s ruining one thing you and I both care a hell of a lot about. For me? Two things I care—.”
Blaine’s face fell. His expression dropped towards the ground under the weight of his heart falling to the soles of his shoes. He lifted his hands and waved them taking a few backwards steps with a shake of his head, “You wanted me when I couldn’t want you back. Fine. Obviously that doesn’t matter now. If you want me to back off? I’ll back off. Just remember that you’re telling the one person who does see all of you, accepts you and cares for you and what happens here that they and their opinion are no longer wanted or needed. You want to go from who you are to some psycho’s lackey? That’s your decision. But I’m not going to let the rest of these boys get swept up in the mess he’s creating. I used to think you cared about,” me. more than a flirty joke. more than what you showed me at surface value..a trembling finger gestured towards the room, “them. Guess you only care about yourself. Thank you, Sebastian, for showing me the truth finally after all this time.”
“ I don’t see anything about Hunter that comes off as an alarm for me. If anything his singing is like a bell of straight up sexy that rings to my ears. He’s pretty much the new king of Dalton && you know how much power && legacy turns me on. But now I’m curious, what exactly do you see him as, Blaine?? “
“Is he now? What happened to the Sebastian I know? I didn’t think you’d be so willing to give your seat up. I mean..weren’t you the new ‘king of Dalton’ after I left? What changed? What do I see him as? A borderline sociopath that’s willing to do whatever it takes for a win. Even at the cost of compromising everything the Warblers stand for. And to put it bluntly? He’s a.. jerk. –There’s that too.”
“ I’m not stupid, I can tell somethings up—– why do you keep asking about me && Hunter? Is this jealousy I sense, Killer? “
“I know you’re not stupid, Sebastian. No. I’m not jealous. I’m worried about you. I know the company you keep is none of my business, but why can’t you see him for what he is?”
pianokeysandbowties 