He’s not blind to it, not anymore, Barry had remained oblivious both on accident and by choice. And he was at fault for the state they were in now, that much he will admit. The speedster had kept a distance from Blaine, while they found each other– he never stopped running. Being with him at first was amazing, but as Barry’s life became more dangerous. Distance. His soulmate was kept at a distance. It was putting a strain on the both of them emotionally, and it needed to stop. It had to. Barry… Barry always wanted to find the one he was meant to be with, always thought it was Iris till she met Eddie. Platonically, the two matched, but romantically. Someone else for the both of them. Then he met Blaine, and the world was so much brighter. Smile gone, and his heart aches. Because he soulmate thinks he’s a problem, he was never a problem, it was Barry. This was his fault.
“Blaine,” brows furrowed, lips pursed and squeezes his hand tightly. “Blaine, you are not a problem– never. This is my fault, I’m the problem here I should have never.” Takes a small breath, resting his forehead against the others and nudged their noses together. “I’m….I’m SCARED of losing you, of you getting hurt that I’ve been pushing you away,” shuts his eyes tightly. Look what he’s done, he caused him pain and worry that Blaine didn’t deserve at all. Due to his lack of expressing his emotions, the fear of losing a loved one, abandonment, and failure. “I’m sorry… Blaine, I’m really sorry…” He had to fix this. Had to.
Blaine wanted to believe the promise. It was a hope that came from deep down inside that he’d been hanging onto throughout the ups and downs and tilted sideways he’s been through while waiting for the other to give them and fate a chance. Even though how everything turned out once he’d found the person he was meant to be with wasn’t anywhere close to how he planned it to be? Barry made him feel things that he couldn’t ignore. Made every day without him that went by feel like something was missing. Like it was never complete and he was shutting out the world and going to sleep with something left undone. Or that he was missing a home he never quite set foot in yet but knew was out there, somewhere, waiting for him.
Foolishness wasn’t something he considered himself completely exempt from having in abundance from time to time. He’s made mistakes in the past due to that very thing. Years have gone by and he’s tried to learn. To guard himself more. Because he knew he had to. There was always the threat of feeling too much and having nothing come back. Because when that happened? He had only himself to blame, right? Caution. Hopeful caution. That’s what he felt now. Warily studying the man in front of him before going perfectly still at the apology, Blaine was at a loss for words as his eyes softened and his face fell. “No..” Words, Blaine. USE THEM! “Don’t be sorry. Your feelings matter. Your reasons matter. You’re not gonna lose me, though. I promise. Because I feel like I keep losing you every day and I’d never..” Do that to you. “No sorries. Let me show you how you I’m not going anywhere? Can we just..try that?”
Blaine wasn’t blind, he was patient, and perhaps too kind for his own good. Keeping his walls up, afraid to speak out, to reach out, it was causing more harm than good on the both of them. And while Barry would like to believe otherwise, had been believing it– now was the turning point. If he continued, he’d lose the other just as he lost his previous relationships. Because he wouldn’t truly open up. And at this point he needed to, the cup was close to overflowing, and ready to spill. The fact that Blaine seemed to need convince about his words, it really drove home what Barry had been causing to their relationship. He’s pushed and pushed and push— till finally it was ready to break. But at least this time, this time the speedster wasn’t going to let it happen. There’s enough people in his life that he’s lost, due to death, or of his own making. His boyfriend was not going to be added to list. Not if he can help. Not this time. A promise was a deadly thing, if he broke it, could they survive it? It’s best to not find out. Barry nods, face solemn was he closes the distance between them. Hands grabbing the other’s tightly in his own, “I promise, I’m going to try. I’m not… I’m not going to be running away from my problems anymore. You deserve better than that. We both do.”
Blaine couldn’t shake the wary look that flattened his expression. Funny how over the months it’d changed so much. From where he was when he first connect the puzzle together with Barry and they realized they’d found one another to now? The gleaming eyed, love struck person he was had dimmed. His smile long since faded. Hazel eyes now weighted with caution and exhaustion from running after a soulmate that just…didn’t seem to want him back. His dreams of how this would all happen were long since broken. Now, it was just better to be distanced in spite of everything inside of him pulling him to the man taking his hands trying to reassure him, once and for all, that he was going to try. Try. A small, lost smile echoed the word. Try. Still left room for the chance to say it failed. Or Barry couldn’t. God, he wanted to believe it.
Running his tongue along his bottom lip before biting onto it–Blaine softly squeezed both of Barry’s palms and let his chin tuck itself towards his collar. “Don’t want to be a problem you’re not running away from. I don’t want to be any sort of problem.” Bittersweet hope? Learning what that felt like was a lesson he hadn’t expected. Ever. “But thank you for promising you’ll try. I swear I’m not going to push you anymore. Wherever you want this to go is where it’ll go. Okay?” That’s all he could do. With his heart, Barry always held the whole deck. Blaine could only stand there and watch where the cards were going to fall this time.
Being closed off was a talent of Barry’s, sure it was easy to read him sometimes. But when he really wanted to the speedster would shut people out, and remain very guarded. It was unfair to his significant others, perhaps one of the reasons why his relationships tended to crumble after a while. He should learn from his mistakes, and not repeat them. Perhaps in that aspect … he just an idiot. It happened again and again, and again. And here he was ready to repeat it. “Blaine I…” he looked into those hazel orbs that he had grown to adore so quickly. He was causing this man pain, all because he was being a coward. Too scared. Too worried. Too unsure of himself. Scared about the idea that he might lose him, worried that he might hurt him, and unsure that he’s even good enough. Regardless he should just push this away, give up without a fight, without Blaine having a say in it. What has sealing himself away done for him? Nothing. Nothing at all, and it usually came to bite him right in the ass again. Finally his shoulders slump a little, the tension easing out of him as he came to a conclusion at last. “….I’m… I’m not really good at this, and you’re right. I have been guard, and withdrawn.” A pause, and pursed lips. “I don’t mean to, but I… I need to try,” he gulped looking a little more determined. “I’ll try, for you, for us. I’m not going to run away anymore.”
Blaine was tired. Tired of pretending that none of Barry’s distance and attempts to push him away hurt him as bad as they did. Tired of waiting and hoping that whatever cosmic fate that tethered them together (whether Barry wanted it or not..that’s what they were) to give him some sort of a break and nudge Barry towards him just a little. Even the tiniest bit would be better than nothing. Barry’s latest bout of going days without answering any of Blaine’s attempts to contact him, finally, pushed Blaine to his breaking point. He stood just inside Barry’s apartment. Hands waving at his sides as he blurted out his answer to ‘How have you been?’. Normally, he would have answered with something equally as skirting-around-the-bigger-issue as that question was. Today? He just couldn’t. Silence swallowed him up as he waited for Barry to show him even the slightest shred of caring about what he had to say. What he got back made his mouth drop open. Barry just AGREED with him? Blaine was so ready to launch into another rant that what he heard caught him off guard. All he could do was regurgitate Barry’s response back to him. “You’ll try for me? For us? You won’t run away,” he asked feeling a little more than weary of the promise and rightfully so. Hazel eyes combed over Barry’s and his lips pouted over the question before he asked it keeping close guard on his heart that deeply wanted to flutter in his chest at the glimmer of hope Barry just gifted him with. “You promise..?”
pianokeysandbowties 