kurt. @avcntgarde​

        _{Tears welled up in his eyes as he stood, steadfast in the middle of Sebastian and Blaine’s impeccably styled living room. This wasn’t happening. This was not happening. After sharing that kiss… He knew the situation was complicated. Had KNOWN Blaine was the one engaged to be married, TAKEN by another man ever since their senior year of high school. But even after all this time, after all this endless soul searching and desperately trying to get over him, after dating many unlike him, even Kurt couldn’t possibly deny that whatever that kiss was — whatever that kiss meant, he had felt it to his CORE. Teenage infatuation evolved and blossomed into something much more. No longer needy. No longer foolish; desperate. Longing to have someone. He had wanted Blaine with EVERY FIBER OF HIS BEING, and he was certain Blaine had wanted him, too; their kiss hungry and sloppy, explosive enough to evoke fireworks.}

_{This wasn’t HAPPENING.}

_{He didn’t mean to get angry the way that he did. Maybe it was all that pent up frustration from all those years ago, locked up and hidden away for so long that cobwebs served as their main decoration. He refused to shed tears over someone so oblivious to his own feelings. He refused to lose his BEST FRIEND, to have Blaine act like and brush it off as though it were nothing. Like they were NOTHING.}

         _{❛ I can’t believe you’re STILL going through with this. ❜}

      Blaine wasn’t oblivious enough to not see how lately, Kurt (and he) were becoming more distant from each other.  With his wedding on the horizon, he and his best friend tapered off on their meet ups for coffee that were once a weekly occurrence between Blaine’s lecture he’d been holding as part of getting his doctorate at a school close by where Kurt worked. Their texts disintegrated to the point they barely spoke to one another outside of ‘hello, what’s up, and how are you doing?’s.  Which is why he’d invited Kurt over.  To talk this through.  And then everything fell out from underneath them..when Kurt finally let go.

Sometime during the escalating conversation, they both snapped.  Blaine knew the moment he did was when Kurt’s mouth crashed with his.  Hands could still feel the texture of warm, pale skin cupped his face

and the ghost of a delicate press of fingertips against his temples were ingrained in his memory from this day on.  The feeling of being caught, held right here by Kurt tilted his gravity, lifted him up off his heels. That dangerous second when he opened his mouth to the kiss (out of instinct and maybe..no..he couldn’t lie..something more), there was no going back.  It was messy, hungry.  His heart hammered in his chest so fast it echoed in his ears and he could still taste Kurt as he stood there trying to breathe and force himself not to think about instant guilt that flooded in and sank into his bones.  He would do that later..  Oh, God.  He would.  The second he was alone. 

Speechless, he felt tears well up as he watched Kurt struggle with hiding his own and he knew how deep the hurt inside someone he loved so much (because a part of him did and always would love Kurt in his own way..) ran.  The sight tore his throat to ribbons, shoved a rock into his stomach and he couldn’t swallow, couldn’t blink, couldn’t look away as he felt his efforts fail and the corners his eyes became wet.

“I-I’m sorry.  You’re the one person I can’t,” he stopped himself from driving the last nail in and frustratedly rubbed his cheek dry with the underside of his wrist, “..you mean SO MUCH to me. You always will but..  This is my life.  It has been since forever ago.  I want you in it.  I need you in it.  But?  I just can’t walk away.. I won’t.  Please understand?”