sebastian raised curious, confused, green eyes as the doctor walked in, and then they widened for a moment. oh. so he HADN’T imagined blaine there, after all. blaine had actually… he felt the urge to groan and bury his face in his hands. he tried to scramble through his memory to find out if he’d said anything EMBARRASSING, while bleeding on the sidewalk. he thought he remembered telling blaine he missed him, and he hoped to hell that was just inside his own head. he couldn’t have, could he? then again, none of this made any fucking sense. like the fact he’d actually walked into a cab with a drunk driver and never even noticed. have you been here all this time? he wanted to ask, but it felt pointless, and he wouldn’t get into it in front of the doctor.
❝so what’s wrong with – ?’ he asked, before the doctor could even speak, seizing the man with tired distrust. he’d never liked doctors much, since they were always trying to FIX him. he stopped short on his words, though, at what he heard NEXT, never finishing his sentence ( … me? ). he stared at the doctor in disbelief. lips parted, and almost dreaded turning his head to the side, to meet BLAINE, though he felt like he couldn’t help it, as his attention was dragged to the side.betrothed? betrothed?!!his eyes said as they met caramel ones, color coming to his face like it never happened, and burning it up with complete shock. he had actually- blaine had not only stayed, he’d lied to do so, which had got to be eating up inside him, if sebastian knew him any. and he still DID. did he feel THAT much pity? sebastian didn’t get it. the doctor was still speaking but his ears were ringing.
only when the man started speaking to him, again, did he tear his sarcastic expression and raised eyebrows out of blaine, and onto him, but the other didn’t seem to have noticed anything. sebastian stared a little vacantly as he spoke, only relieved that blaine’s comment hadn’t really meant anything as it seemed, and he was going to be fine. he sunk back onto the pillows and closed his eyes for a moment, nodding some, before opening them again as the doctor left. he’d have to stay at the hospital for at least one day more, until they were sure his lungs would be fine, and then he’d have to stay bandaged and caring for his ribs for a while, and probably use some kind of support on his dislocated fingers. he pressed his lips slowly as the door closed, and bit on them hard as he stared at it.
‘you told them.’ he started very slowly. ‘i’m your fiancé?’ he more stated, than asked, before turning his head towards the other, eyebrows up on his hairline, as though saying are you INSANE? he huffed out a bitter laughter and shook his head as he brushed his face. this had got to be a joke. the entire thing. a sick joke from the universe. ‘you gotta be KIDDING me.’ he mumbled, muffled, into his bruised hands. he dropped them. ‘so when can i expect peakurt to walk in and make a scene?’
Blaine didn’t realize that under the intense weight of Sebastian’s unwavering, righteously shocked ‘what the flying hell’ stare that he’d begun to wring his hands together. Fingers gripping palms and scraping back and forth in white knuckled tenseness. Who could blame him? Even if he couldn’t bare being looked at the way Sebastian was looking at him now by anyone.. The sheer intensity of the gaze directly right into his deer-caught-in-the-headlights eyes would have been enough to give him a complex about it if he hadn’t had one years before. His biggest problem wasn’t the bubble of guilt that lying put in his belly the previous day that kept growing the longer he sat in silence throughout the night. Or that it was an absolutely INSANE idea to say what he said in the first place (but Sebastian was hurt and he was desperate to make sure he was okay and not leave him alone–so what other options did he have??).
Still. Both of those issues were small-cheese compared to the scenario that blurred into his mind and slowly became clearer and clearer with each breath the doctor took. How Sebastian was going to react to this (aside from the stunned expression and increasingly red tint to his pale, freckled skin) was so up in the air and he couldn’t figure it out because he was on the verge of a panic attack just thinking about the next ten minutes. Blaine barely heard the doctor finish giving Sebastian the rundown of what was going to happen past the explanation of his injuries. His mind was too busy elsewhere and the voice in the room sounded muffled. Like his head was buried in a pillow and he had the sides pulled up to block out his ears. If only he was that lucky.
He was sorry. Sorry that he used that reason to be here. Sorry that he didn’t tell the truth. However, what he was sorriest about? Was that Sebastian found out. Yes, he was dumb enough to not think of the consequences. But he had no time and hoped that he might be able to skim past the reason he was being given so much leeway to stay by chalking it up to politeness going a long way. Or something equally as flimsy but hopefully-might-work-worthy. Cat out of the bag having come and gone? They were alone and he had the rippling thunder of the door shutting still echoing in his brain when the relief he felt from Sebastian giving the doctor his attention was gone and it was right back on himself.
“Y-Yeah. I..did,” he answered matching Sebastian’s voice and with a cramp snapping his attention back to his hands that hadn’t stopped moving, he grabbed onto both tight and shoved them between his thighs practically underneath them. Long lashes veiling his eyes from sight fluttered to show he was searching for the answer of what to say next in the weave of his pants and coming up empty handed. Looking back up wasn’t an option and he kept his head down. “They wouldn’t let me,” his voice trailed off as he skipped yet another part of potential awkwardness and clung to the mess he was in instead, “stay here if I didn’t…say something. I didn’t want to leave. Kurt isn’t coming. No one is.” His gaze lifted but he kept his chin tucked down. “I asked them not to. I’m sorry…I did this. I only.. I wanted to stay.”
sebastian felt like his lips were duct-taped, and somewhere inside his head, something was screaming, but nothing ever came out. all those little things he might had wanted to say to the other, running around his head in loops, weren’t even allowed to be thought of most of the time. sebastian couldn’t dwell on them, much less say any of them out loud. anything he said would put an end to this, whatever that was (friendship?). and anything that put an end to having blaine exactly where he was, around him, wasn’t something he was prepared to do or say. after those two years, he still couldn’t believe his luck that blaine would even talk to someone like him. and if THIS, whatever it was, was all he got, then he was thankful.
he’d never been one for half truths, or polite remarks. as blaine well knew from their first up conversation, straight-forward had always been his way. but ever since the whole mess between them had gone down, and blaine had barely even wanted to see him again, sebastian had started lying. something that, contrary to popular belief, he didn’t do unless it was towards authority figures, or for rumor fun. specially not with a smile and a dismissive attitude. but THAT boy. the one that – now – only hit on blaine to make him feel better, and listened, and welcomed him any time he wanted into his door, without expecting anything back, that boy was the boy blaine needed, and to be quite honest, sebastian would have tap-danced naked on wall street if blaine had needed him to. and so he lied. easily and on stride. because that was what their relationship had become the last year. blaine talked, and he lied. it was a derisive routine they liked to follow, and sebastian wasn’t about to break it. because at least it meant blaine was there to be lied TO.
blaine was going to get enough crap from the muppets and their loud, loud, leader, once that blew up, as he knew it would, since none of them could keep their private lives, private. he didn’t need any from him too. blaine needed neutral ground. and sebastian would give it to him, and whatever else that could possibly make this better.
❝no way you know what your booty call style will be forty years from now, killer. i’ll bet five hundred on you staying the hottest of all.’ he winked. he wished he could be his young self meeting blaine THEN. maybe older blaine would like him. at least for a couple of nights. he shook away the stray thought, then smiled at the other. ‘who needs a spank bank when we got THIS?’ he asked, as he found the first captain america movie and put it to play. ‘i can grab us ice cream, if you’re too hungry to wait.’ he proposed. biting the inside of his lip as he saw blaine getting so comfortable in his home.
a twinge of longing in his lungs.
Bare toes peeked out from the edge of the blanket once he finally got it and the pillows he rested back against–sitting with his legs stretched out across the mattress to be as comfy as possible–perfectly in place. Blaine wriggled them back and forth and watched them move instead of looking up immediately. It was a means of grounding himself and battling past the idea that he should leave once and for all. He managed to shut down the afterthought of how long it was proper to stay as soon as stopped. A jumbled brain was what he came here to escape…and he was making a mess out of the attempt at this rate.
A half-hearted laugh, embarrassedly flattered as always though, scrunched the edges of his eyes together as he dared to unglue his eyes from his toes and fix his attention back on Sebastian. “Me? Are you serious? Highly doubtful. I’d take that bet if there was any way to prove it. I mean, we’re going to disagree on who the winner is. I’d say it was you. You’d say it was me. We’d argue. No one would ever get the pay out. Plus? Who gets to be the judge? But…,” he sighed and pulled the covers up to pool around his waist not realizing he’d been fidgeting with the edge of the blanket this entire time until he moved his hands. Of course that nervous habit was stopped the very second he was conscious of it and he took to smoothing out the plush cotton underneath his fingers instead. “Thank you..,” his head bowed in a curt nod.
Then his face went pink and he stuttered for a second, not expecting wank bank to come at him out of the blue. That was Sebastian though! Zipping both of them back to their usual dynamic. As unusual of a friendship as it was, Blaine cherished whatever they were together for that reason above all others. Sebastian could be trusted to drive a wrench into the cogs of a failing machine right before it fell apart. Especially when that machine was Blaine’s brain, wits. Whatever. “I..,” his cheeks puffed right before a woosh of an exasperated breath was blown through puckered lips. “Um. Exactly. Cap provides all of that that you need.” And the boy who could throw around masturbation topics like discussing the weather to his boyfriend a year ago dissolved into a bumbling mess with wank bank. Why? ..Why ask or even think of why? Dangerous path best left untrodden..
“I think I’m okay. With the amount of food we have coming? I should probably wait until after it’s here.” Food seemed like such a far away idea that he completely forgot about til here. Waking up in New York City after what happened, the phone messages, the begging that went unanswered and..the flight home. He’d been numb all day. Eating was the furthest thing from his mind and nothing sounded good anyway. Not even the peanuts that were waiting for him in his seat. Sebastian bringing it up reminded him. Sure, he might be a little hungry now. Maybe starving if he focused on it but he could wait a while longer. “Some more water would be great. Or tea? Tea would be even better. And then maybe you could get comfortable, too? You don’t have to helicopter over me. I promise. I’m not running out the door,” he gave him a crooked smile again and gave the mattress a pat right beside his hip. “And if you stay standing there? I’m going to get a crick in my neck on top of everything. It’s really not fair how tall you are. Have I told you that lately?” It was his attempt to show him he was more okay than he actually was. A joke. A means of making the fretting boy smile. That’s what he needed to see the most.
Just to know that he hadn’t made another colossal mistake.
sebastian called about three different delivery places, figuring the more they ate, the longer they’d have to be occupied. he called in for pizza, some chinese, and burgers. he also knew there was icecream somewhere in the house, and he might start with that, depending on blaine’s mood. he felt the will to whack himself on the head at the hidden excitement in his stomach. he shouldn’t be excited about this, about spending time with the other boy. blaine was heartbroken and in no way there to see HIM.
he hoped blaine would have been distracting himself as he headed back to the living room, but he was just sitting there. for a moment, sebastian waited out of blaine’s vision, taking him in. he looked small and saddened, vulnerable. it struck something inside him. sebastian twisted his lips, swallowing and squeezing his nape.
he hated to see him feeling that way, and in a selfish way, he hated even more that the reason he was that way was nowhere near anything involving him. sometimes he wondered if he’d picked the only guy that was completely unavailable for that exact reason. maybe it was just easier to be on his fours for someone that would never feel it back. but what was so easy about feeling this hollow every time blaine showed at his door, and yet never wanting him to leave?
he cleaned his throat as he got in.
❝five hundred channels and nothing on?’ he asked,, nonchalant, arching an eyebrow in slight judgement that blaine hadn’t even gone as far as to turn the tv on, crossing his arms. ‘i expected more than a cliche, killer. i’m disappointed.’ he tilted his head, as blaine started to arrange himself, confused. but as he started to talk, he did concede to getting closer.
‘not always.’ he grimaced. ‘only when the warder’s out.’ he smirked some, then it faded as he tightened the cross of his arms, sensing by the shine in blaine’s honeyed eyes that this was not going the light hearted route he had hoped it would. he stared, and somewhere along the way, his gaze moved past blaine as he heard him, glazing over, not knowing where this was going, or what blaine wanted with it. he felt something sick and bitter in his stomach. he pursed his lips, and then his face slackened. for a second of stillness everything twisted inside of him and he stopped breathing, lips parted but motionless. every second he had ever spent longing for blaine to just look at him with something that wasn’t pity, or trained patience.
i keep coming back here. just be honest, please? sebastian wondered how blaine could think that was in anyway possible. he imagined for a moment actually telling the truth. what a wild concept. blaine would leave if he did. he knew that much. he was too much of a gentleman not to. and sebastian would be alone on a pile of food, feeling like crap. if he was going to be miserable anyway, he’d rather have blaine along for the ride.
he forced a smile, pushing the corner of his lips in a sympathetic facade, hands curling into fists under his arms to keep himself from wavering. ‘if you’re worried about the wrinkles, i wouldn’t bother with it just yet, killer.’ he let go of his arms and walked towards him, dropping himself onto the couch, an arm against the backing of it, and picking up the remote as he turned the tv on, himself. ‘besides, the older man routine is hot as fuck.’ he winked as he turned his head to look at him. ‘pretty sure you’ll be picking up twinks with a look, by then.’ he looked at the screen again. ‘if you’re not picking, you know we’re marathoning captain america.’ he waved the remote, as though giving the other one more chance to choose, himself.
Maybe he shouldn’t have asked the question he had. But it was out in the open now and there could be no amount of regret that would erase it from existence, so there it was. Hanging in the air waiting for Sebastian to answer it. Blaine watched closely trying to lay eyes on Sebastian careful enough that if he did skip past the truth, hopefully, he could see through the facade and..with any amount of luck, he might have the nerve to call him out on it. Probably not. But it was something he imagined he could do.
Even if, truth of the matter was, he’d probably swallow the pill and not press any further. Why keep pushing a question like that if Sebastian was too polite or uncomfortable enough to answer ‘yes’? It would be breaking apart the very fabric of what pulled him here to begin with. Comfort, a distraction, a means of spending the time he’d be spending torturing himself with what he did to him and Kurt with someone who he could trust not to judge him for it.
Sebastian would never do that. Judge him. Not to his face anyway. Not like he can imagine what’s going to happen once word of what he did gets back to McKinley. Face it. Chances were it already had. Blaine was sure if turned on his cell, it would blow up with a truck load of questions from various people that he’d rather not answer. No one in his inner circle seemed to know the meaning of the words too soon. Well meaning as some of them may be.. Needing time was rarely in his friends’ vocabularies.
The exception was Sebastian. He always seemed to know when to push, when to pull, when to take a step back. Well, after a rocky start that had him going overboard more often than not, but that felt like ages ago and now they were what they were. Right here. Right now. In understanding with one another. Or as close to it as they could get given so many unspoken things that were better left unsaid. What he asked fell into that category. Yet, it was too late and he was waiting with his stomach now in knots.
Ones that were, apparently, going to be left there. He wasn’t given one. Rather a skim past and pretend you didn’t hear me when both of them knew Sebastian did. Thing about skimming past a question like that? Sort of answers it anyway. Blaine’s heart sank. Heavy and numb in his chest. Or was it stomach? Getting up and leaving after an apology and a promise to never do it again would have been the proper thing to do. But that would be spitting in Sebastian’s face for all of his company, food and binge watch offerings as a means of just being there when Blaine needed him.
He just knew that he should taper off after tonight. He would taper off.
Running here was a mistake but one he would do his best not to make again. No matter how bad it hurt, hurting Sebastian felt even worse and he’s already done far enough damage to someone else he cherished to continue down that path here where he was running the well dry and kept coming back to take more . When did he ever become someone who did that? For now, he fought past the lump in his throat to get some air and gave his best pretending to be oblivious smile and let it go. “You think so,” his nose crinkled. “Not my style but thank you for your faith in me. And. There’s nothing wrong with Captain America. Let’s start there while the truck load of food you ordered starts coming in.” Another smile and Blaine looked away, scooting around so he could stretch out on the sofabed mattress then reached up to the back of the sofa to grab a blanket.
sebastian would feel bad for how impossibly wary blaine looked if he wasn’t so uncomfortable with the whole situation, himself. he knew he looked like a mess. and with his hair pointing all out, bruises on his face, dark circles under his eyes and cuts on his skin, while wearing a backless hospital gown, wasn’t exactly how he’d hoped to meet the other again, if they ever did. he had hoped in his head, not that he thought about it, as a sort of last desperate win that when they met again, he’d at least look presentable enough to give blaine some regret. the way he looked then, he probably just reminded the other of all the mornings they’d spent nursing hangovers together. not the best presentation.
he downed his head and tried to work inside it what the hell was blaine even doing there. even if by some freakish joke of nature he HAD been the one to find him, he should have gone home a long time ago, when it was clear sebastian was gonna make it. wasn’t that enough even for blaine’s standards of chivalry? he felt his stomach churn as something about the way blaine looked, told him it wasn’t. which was wonderful and meant that now all that was left was for sebastian to deal with his pity. again.
he’d be better off feeling pathetic for imagining blaine had been there to hold his hand when the world started to spin and darken from the blood seeping out of his head. it’d have been a whole inferior level of humiliation than the kind of pathetic he felt NOW, with the other standing there. the fact he had hoped somehow that kurt’s name wouldn’t come up in their first two minutes of conversation, didn’t help.
he sighed at blaine’s response, not bothering to cover up now, there wasn’t much good to it. he rubbed his face, and finally looked into the other’s eyes. ❝is there any doubt?’ he rose eyebrows. was that blaine’s way of telling him something was wrong? he heard the knock on the door right then and looked up just as a doctor walked in. he supposed he’d find out now.
Maybe he should listen and go like Sebastian was telling him he should. Maybe that was the fairest thing to do because Blaine knew Sebastian well enough to know that he wasn’t comfortable with him being here and seeing him in the state he was in. Sebastian had no idea that he’s been here from the start. Defying orders to go and even lying to stay put. All lies and falsehoods that came crashing down when the doctor walked in and broke his tightly guarded secret open.
“Mister Anderson. Still here, hm? Have you slept yet? I told you to get some rest. You’re not going to be any good here if you exhaust yourself. I doubt you want to be taking the bed in the next room, do you?” A quick chiding only shattered the illusion that Blaine somehow magically found out that Sebastian was in the hospital and somehow knew which one it was and appeared here.
What he heard next, though? That was the secret he was hoping he could skirt around until Sebastian was out of here and none-the-wiser on how Blaine was lingering far past visiting hours and being listened to when he refused to leave.
“I’m sure you’re glad to see your betrothed is awake.” The doctor strung out the word in the way doctor’s do when they’re trying to lighten the mood, make a joke you’re never going to get and just sound corny so you laugh anyway. Blaine wasn’t laughing. Only smiling awkwardly like a kid who just got busted with his hand in the cookie jar trying to pretend he was confused on how it got there. “If you would have trusted me hours ago, that sleep would have been a bit easier.”
Blaine’s heart sank, his jaw dropped and his slow turning stare landed right on Sebastian to see his reaction. The truth was out. He was here because he told them he had a right to be. And they BELIEVED him. “I–I.. I know. I was just in a panic. I’m sure you understand why.” From quiet to stuttering, Blaine shut up and sat through the doctor explaining to Sebastian that his wounds were mostly surface. The cuts and bruises were going to heal on their own. But he had broken ribs and a punctured lung. He broke down expected release dates, what would happen as far as treatment. Everything Sebastian needed to know. And when he left?
A click of a door never hit Blaine’s ears as loud. “I swear I can explain why I did that..”
Who’s the real you? The person who did something awful, or the one who’s horrified by the awful thing you did? Is one part of you allowed to forgive the other?
sebastian cursed inside when blaine heard the sound as well and turned to look. damn it. he sighed but there was no use. still, he was relieved when the other didn’t motion to leave, despite the apology. sebastian shrugged.
❝we were done, anyways.’ it was crude, and tactless, but he didn’t really care. it wasn’t like he had to be careful about blaine’s feelings for him. ‘you know me.’ he said, dismissively, though that DID churn his stomach a little.
why did it still bother him so much what blaine thought of him? blaine seemed alright enough with who he was to keep being his occasional friend, and it wasn’t like there was any lingering questions about other possibilities. having SUNG at his engagement and now being here, mending his broken heart over another man, didn’t exactly leave room for wondering, or doubt. and he was okay with it. he just wanted to help. he told himself that again and pushed the embarrassment off his head. ‘sorry.’ he said, after all, because of how flushed blaine looked. ‘i told him to be quiet.’ he rolled eyes.
he rose green eyes, curious, at the new words. there’s a reason i’m here. what was it again? he felt the urge to spill the words. WHY? but didn’t. he never did, when it came to blaine. asking for more than blaine could or would give never ended well for either of them.
he offered a shortcut out for both of them. some way to still get blaine to feel better, without keeping on torturing them both with that conversation. blaine had got it off his chest after all, and as sebastian had stated, he wasn’t exactly good at the advice part of it. blaine didn’t want to drink. so what was left besides a bucket of junk food and something to pass the time on the tv? he nodded.
‘good.’ he got up and grabbed his phone from the coffee table, where he’d dropped it earlier, after almost sitting on it while his date got them both on that same couch, and the remote besides it. the latter he tossed towards blaine. ‘pick something.’ he told him, nodding towards the tv. his father paid for at least 10 different platforms for movies and series, besides netflix. ‘i’m gonna order us enough food to make us throw up.’ he half joked, as he got on the phone.
Blaine heard the door click shut in the momentary quiet created by Sebastian dialing in their food order. Poised with one knee bent on the mattress of the folded out sofa bed–the shorter of the pair curled his lip between his teeth and let his attention wander back towards the empty doorway leading out into the hall.
‘You know me’, Sebastian’s words from earlier echoed back. Why was Sebastian not the only one who’s stomach wasn’t feeling all that great? Not that he had any right for his brain to suddenly shift course and focus back onto that. Or feel any sort of way. Or even for the half-whispered apology from Sebastian that he received. His chance for them to mean anything but the prime example of how they were together in this room right now provided.
Yet here he was. Sebastian. There to answer the door in the middle of the night and kick out some random thrill for the night just to make sure he was okay. Sebastian was always there. And he kept coming back. Over and over. Because Sebastian would never turn him away.
Sebastian always opened the door and invited him in. Sebastian always answered the phone. Even if he sat silent on the other end because he didn’t want to sleep alone but didn’t know what to say either. Blaine didn’t realize he was pulling the thread from the hem around the wrist of his cardigan as he watched Sebastian hang up the phone. The remote was sitting untouched by Blaine’s knee when their eyes finally met.
“You’re always here. No matter what..,” he whispered letting go of the battered edge of his sweater. The poor thing was beat up enough. “I keep coming back here. Time and time again. Does it get old? You can tell me..” Finishing crawling up onto the sofabed, Blaine sat back on his heels kneeling and hands pressed together with their backs touching the insides of his thighs. “Just be honest. Please?”
Seeing Blaine like that destroyed Sebastian. As much as he would try and keep face. As much as he’d have liked to have moved on already, every goddamn time he saw Blaine, or even got a text from him, it knocked the floor right off from under his feet. He had never seen Blaine this miserable. Not even after the whole slushie struggle, when Blaine was still mad at him, he hadn’t been this broken. And Sebastian was as lost as he was pained by it. He wanted to be the friend Blaine wanted and needed him to be right now, but it did make him struggle in a way he wasn’t prepared to. He wasn’t ready to feel this much at once, but he also couldn’t bring himself to tell Blaine ‘no’. He never had.
That was certainly why he didn’t think twice before kicking his one night stand out, and rushing back to comfort Blaine, appealing to all deities he’d never believed in, that he’d still be there when he got back downstairs. It didn’t matter how many bruises and scars he had after so many years of holding Blaine first, when the other boy had never shown interest in doing the same. One look at Blaine’s face, and any resolutions he might have taken, slipped away. Blaine came first. It had been that way from day one. It really shouldn’t surprise him any more. He sighed in relief when he came back from the kitchen and the boy was still there. He made his way to the couch, offering him the glass, and shifted on the ball of his feet, a little unsure for a moment. He didn’t know how close Blaine wanted to be to anyone right now, specially not him. Still, as he offered to get him something else, the beg came, and he nodded instead.
Sebastian moved to sit by his side again, and awkwardly placed a hand on his shoulder, giving a few taps to it. ‘Sure…’ He promised, studying Blaine’s red face with analytical eyes, wanting to make sure he’d be okay, or as okay as possible. It seemed like it’d take a while, from the amount of pain Sebastian could see in his eyes, and it made his tongue taste like copper in his mouth. ‘Just breathe, killer….’ he encouraged softly, wanting the other to say whatever he needed to, to spill it out and start getting his pieces back together. He felt a new pang in his stomach as he did, and it made him more bitter than he could tell, to say the words, but he did. ‘Maybe you should wait some and then call him…’ They were inseparable, right? Sebastian would know. ‘If this is what you really want…’ he stopped. As much as he cared for Blaine the words sounded fake even to his own ears, and besides, he heard a movement just then, that caught his eye, and he froze for a second. He lost the first part of Blaine’s apology, as he stared, or rather glared at his noisy fuck buddy that was just crossing the front of the living room, after making it downstairs, so he could leave. But he did hear the second part.
Sebastian blinked at him, refocusing, and breathed out, repeating to himself as usual that Blaine just said things like that because they were friends. He nodded. ‘You can always come to me.’ He shrugged. ‘I’m probably not the best adviser. But you can spill your guts, and I’ll usually have something strong to make things better.’ He tapped his shoulder again. ‘Wanna watch something? I can expand the couch. We could order something in.’ He offered. Sure it was a coward way out, to offer comfort food and movies, instead of listening more, or trying to talk, but he had never been good at the latter, specially not when he was in love with the boy who had just been heartbroken for someone else.
Feeling the couch budge with Sebastian’s weight as he sat beside him and the pat filled Blaine with such a simple relief that uniquely Sebastian’s to give. He appreciated it. Awkward as the contact felt for reasons he didn’t have the energy to question right now but might come back to later when he did with a question of why. One he already knew the answer to deep down but had to graze past repeatedly. The rabbit hole had been burrowing deeper and deeper for over a year now–another all his fault that he felt so out of control to face and deal with that he just didn’t. So much for courage when you take the coward’s way out of helping someone who loves you just not because you need that love selfish and sadistic as it is. And if you take that love away? It might take them with it because why would they stick around after?
Yes. There were layers of understanding Blaine had for Sebastian and what he should or shouldn’t do or want or say. All of which went out the window every time he laid eyes on him. Or heard his voice. It was unfair. It was cruel. Everything he never wanted to be and didn’t consider himself actually being. Except for .. him. Even then? A few pats and his body that’d been wound tight as a spring ready to bounce around the room and do some serious damage at the sheer velocity it ricocheted with began to relax and become less tense. Blaine took the bread crumbs of half-meant advice that Sebastian wasn’t the only one who noticed the insincerity of.
He opened his mouth to chip in that maybe he should. So far all his efforts were met with an understandable brick wall. No matter how heavy those bricks were every time his words were slammed against it. Crushing as it might be. He didn’t have the right to expect anything more or less from Kurt. Not after what he did. A noise coming from the hall halted what he was about to say. Blaine caught the sight of the guy a second after Sebastian. His mouth hung open as a heat blazed over his cheeks and burned all the way across his nose. “Sorry–I could’ve left.” Ignoring the way his throat closed up–Blaine noticed Sebastian segway past what both of them just saw with a seamless dismissal and stuttered to catch up to the speed. A clearing of his throat and he followed along.
Another leap, another turn past acknowledging something else. “You’re cutting yourself short. There’s a reason why I’m here.” Soon, he told himself, soon. Not now. I can’t lose you—. “Actually? Y-Yeah..,” he smiled..fake as it was..the effort had to count for something and hands brushing together as he stood up so they could set up the couch, “That sounds great.” At least the dawning realization he’d interrupted something much more inconveniencing than sleeping was enough to make him drop the other topic Sebastian was righteously at a loss on what to say about?
pianokeysandbowties 