Sebastian eyed Blaine from the corner of his eyes, as he finished setting the movie, once he realized Blaine hadn’t. He saw his hesitation and wavered. “Everything alright…?” He asked, hesitant, himself. He should have googled it. But then it looked like Blaine’s face was lighting up, and Sebastian waited, batted breath. He heard the questions, and pinched his nose, awkwardness welling up. Whelp. “I… Never done it before.” He admitted, the lightest flush on his face, which was something of an unicorn. “Not much of a tea buff.” He scrunched up his nose. “If you’d asked for a espresso…” He pointed out, raising an eyebrow, as he hit play. “You want one?” He could do that.
He gave Blaine an inquiring look, and just then the bell rang. “Food.” He mentioned, getting up with a groan, and walking over to the door, grabbing his wallet from an end table on the way. “Hey, gorgeous.” “Hey there.” He cleared his throat, as he still smirked sideways, because it was his prerogative to flirt with Freddie. He fished out the money and some extra and pushed it into the boy’s pocket. “Not tonight, Freddie.” “Got company already?” Sebastian nodded, and got the bags, Freddie smiled at him. “Put in some extra fries for you. See you soon?” Sebastian smiled, smug. “Later.” He watched him leave, and was turning to get the burgers inside, when the pizza arrived, and the chinese, soon after that.
He got it all and strolled back to the living room. “Hope you’re hungry.” He announced, as he set the box with the pile of bags on top, down on the coffee table. “You want coke? Or a little something more?” He asked, as he opened the bags and started to spread the food around, chinese food boxes, and burgers and fries, and opening up the pizza box. “We’ve got the Attorney’s bar all to ourselves.” He noted, then he was finished. “A la Smythe.” He made a bow like a fancy waiter, one arm pressed against his chest, then fell sat on the couch, putting his feet up the coffee table, after grabbing a burger.
“The fact that you tried is all that matters,” he smiled so wide his cheeks nearly swallowed up the corners of his eyes. The first real, huge smile he’s had in weeks it feels like. Where it wasn’t forced, faked or filled with doubt that he should be smiling when a world of apologies was waiting behind the gesture. Seeing the blush on Sebastian’s cheeks? No matter how faint the crimson was on the freckled ivory skin Blaine came to be utterly fascinated by more often than he’d ever admit? Knowing he put it there made him feel warm inside. Proud of himself, even. Content? Yes. Content. “Oh? Coffee? Maybe after dinner.” Wasn’t their food close by now? Then, like mucked up tea and the need for some serious face stuffing summoned the first round? There it was. “Speaking of which,” Blaine thumbed towards the door when the bell went off.
Hazel eyes still sparkling from his chuckle followed Sebastian’s retreat as he blindly sat the tea mug on the end table. He listened to the exchange and turned to look away from the direction if came from when it became a bit awkward feeling like the third wheel to the food delivery guy. How stupid was it to think he should? Sebastian was a flirt. Always had been. Blaine was just not used to hearing those kinds of affections go to anyone else other than him. Which he had no right to stake a claim to considering he was taken every time they were. But there’s something in the exchange that made him feel…different. Sebastian bragged about his escapades to anyone who would listen. However. At the end of the day? That tone of voice was only ever truly directed at him. Even if he only waved it off, blushed or looked away? He was greedy and flawed enough to admit (only to himself) that Sebastian’s attention was something he cherished because he felt like it was his..and his only. Not for Rachel, not on New York, not towards anyone or anywhere else but for him. Selfish much?
One after another, their dinners arrived and by the time Sebastian returned to the living room? Blaine let the misplaced and very much unwarranted awkwardness go, trading it for relief that Sebastian was back and the smell of the sweet and sour chicken inside one of those bags forcing him to realize he hadn’t eaten since New York (lunch with Kurt before their night out..) again. A rumble in his stomach followed and his hand rested on his belly trying to muffle it. “Wow. That’s..alot,” he laughed at Sebastian’s bow and the massive amount of food laid out for their taking. “Um.. Coke and something a little bit more please? Whenever is fine.” Cause he could go for both and pretending a drink wasn’t a good idea was as dumb as his momentary lapse of sanity less than a minute ago. “Hold on. I’ve done nothing for this feast. Let me go fix our drinks. I remember where the bar is,” he grinned and climbed off the massive sofa bed grabbing an egg roll along the way. “What do you want? Say it now or I make it up.” He shot the lanky boy on the couch a raised brow. Don’t test him. He totally would.
I didn’t think you’d want anyone else here. He sighed. He didn’t. And he DID. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t want anyone else there, not Blaine, much less his father. In a way, even if Blaine hadn’t helped the way he’d HOPED for, he still did, distracting Sebastian from being scared about what happened, or focusing on the pain and his injuries. He filled Sebastian’s head with memories and old feelings he didn’t want, but that at least kept him from focusing too hard on the present, made facing this with a blase attitude easier.
He blinked when Blaine moved fast to get the water for him, and more at the way his hands shook as he poured it. ❝…Thanks.” He said, long fingers curling around the cup with a hesitant look up, confused, as he drank, and maybe a little annoyed. Annoyed that he had to do this, that he HAD to remind Blaine why he should be away, that he HAD to be the one to tell him those things and then see Blaine get hurt. He groaned, finishing the cup and putting it aside as he ran a hand through the side of his hair. “It’s not what I WANT that matters here, Blaine —-” was it ever?
He rested back against the bed and drifted his green eyes towards the other, lips drawn tight at the sight in front of him. How was it that he almost died, and still managed to feel like crap because BLAINE wasn’t doing okay? “What’s up with you?” He blurted out, before he could even want to shut himself up. He frowned at him. He watched him grab his coat, and swallow. A mistake. Right. It always was, wasn’t it? Sebastian knew he was right and yet, it stung on the pop of his jaw as he heard him say it. “Little too late for that now, killer.” His tone was quiet this time, almost gentle, defeated.
“…Why?” He asked, just as Blaine reached the door, between his teeth. He kept staring down at his injured hands, tugging on a loose line on the sheets until it started to unravel. “Why ARE you here? Why did you come?” Just to torture me? To rub in my face a crumb of what I’ll never have? Because he wouldn’t, would he? He’d never have anyone ACTUALLY waiting for him in a hospital. Someone allowed to, by family ties. He’d never have a worried fiancé, fretting over him, not like Blaine did and gave. Much less LIKE Blaine. As perfect as him. This, waking up alone in a hospital bed, was probably gonna be the way he’d end his final chapter one day. If this wasn’t a joke from Blaine, it was definitely a joke from the Universe.
“It is about that. I really didn’t want to make you upset. It was a stupid thing to do. I was stupid..” It couldn’t be any more clear that he messed up. In more ways than one. Getting the hell out of here would be the only way to fix things. And he was never one for staying where he wasn’t wanted or needed. Even worse? Where he wasn’t welcome. How could he have thought the opposite? That there could be any other reaction to his being here other than this one? His eyes burned, his throat felt like it was caving in and he just wanted to put as much distance between the hospital and himself than he could in as little time possible.
Flustered and with a darkening shade of crimson coloring his nose, cheeks and bleeding down his neck–Blaine laid his coat over his arm and palmed over his mouth trying to swallow the bitter pill that he’d messed up bad before he turned around and gave Sebastian a weak, wobbly smile. Their eyes didn’t meet. He kept his gaze aimed closer to Sebastian’s mouth rather instead. It was better to smile and go. Then stay gone this time. For good. No more heroics. Even if the universe, for some sadistic reason, put him on the sidewalk when Sebastian got hurt? Walking away would have been better. You know what they say about hindsight..
There’d never a mistake like this made again. Blaine made that promise to the both of them on his way to the door. When he heard the question, he had half a mind to ignore it. What help could the answer give the situation? His mouth opened but only a sigh broke free. His fingertips toyed with the cold metal handle as he pressed his lips together tight and bowed his head. A tap later and his hand fell away, turned into a small fist and was shoved into his pocket. Against his better judgement, he turned just far enough to look towards the bed and Sebastian. I saw it happen and it was terrifying. I’ll never get that sound out of my head.
“Because I got scared seeing you like that. I had to make sure you were gonna be okay. Then when I got here? I couldn’t leave you to wake up alone and hurt. You..” His teeth bit away what he was going to say against his bottom lip and he chose something safer. “I couldn’t say whatever and leave. I shouldn’t have stayed. Or came at all. I get it. But that doesn’t change that I did and for no other reason what I said. I had to because you’re you and I’m me. Do you really think I could leave you there like I couldn’t care less? Cause that’s not who I am or ever was.” He swallowed thick, trying to get his point across without saying too much or too little.
“Alright.” Sebastian opened the door and got out, waiting for Blaine to do the same, as he had already paid the cab on his phone. He shoved one of his hands in his blazer’s pocket and watched as Blaine stepped out. Sebastian remembered the excitement the first time something like that had happened, and how his heart had been leaping. Even then, though, there had always been a sting. The sting of Blaine’s embarrassed withdrawal, whenever Sebastian crossed the line in any semi public place. The sting of Blaine’s panic whenever his phone rang or as much as buzzed. The sting of the mornings – or even the middle of the nights – when Sebastian was left, still warm from Blaine, tasting him, barely cooled down, by a shuffling, nervous, boy, with apologetic eyes.
He’d always thought it wouldn’t bother him. He didn’t take up on monogamous relationships for a REASON, because he believed that if someone WOULD, THEY should be ready to stick to it, and few ever were. He always considered it the committed’s person sole RESPONSIBILITY to keep up their commitment, and not his own when they were already putting it in danger. After all, if someone was eager to commit to their partners, they wouldn’t go to seedy bars, drink, and let boys like him hit on them. But Blaine… Sebastian had watched as every one of their new rendezvous drained the life out of him. As after their each new affair, Blaine would leave more anxious, until the nervousness was even oozing out of his fingertips as he touched him, and Sebastian could taste it in their kisses. That was the whole issue, wasn’t it?
He’d never cared before if someone was nervous, because it was THEIR problem, he’d never cared for them. But he did for Blaine. He cared for Blaine more deeply than he could remember himself caring for anyone else in his life. Except for his mother. And to watch each of their new meetings cause Blaine’s light to die, had almost but killed him. It made him feel dirty, and guilty, for daring take something as good as Blaine. Like it was what Blaine was feeling when he touched him, as though they were both blaming HIM for it, and at the end, he just stopped enjoying it altogether. There was no room left for it. Just an obsessive need not to see it end. And Sebastian had never been good at possessiveness.
He blinked, as he realized he’d walked Blaine inside and his phone was shoved over the balcony, as the front desk attendant saw to their keycards and wished them a “Happy stay, Mr. Smythe.” He swallowed, trying to get his head back in the game, and grabbed the cards, as he nodded to Blaine and put a hand on his upper back again as he guided him to the elevator, dreading the silence that immediately set in as they got inside, and the doors closed, leaving them alone with the heavy static air between them.
Blaine stepped out of the cab having squeezed the side of his phone that he shoved into the pocket of his jacket until he was sure it was shut off. Golden hazel eyes shifted his stare up high to the top of the hotel and he wondered if it might be too late to grab Sebastian’s wrist, step backwards into the cab and they could leave here. Sebastian could go home. Blaine would make sure he got there safely before he disappeared to points unknown leaving only a trail of departing red tail lights and a thousand unspoken apologies in his wake before fading off. It’d be fairer to the one person in this whole mess that deserved only good. And that was the person standing there looking at him, waiting for him to follow along because Blaine had, apparently, lost his ability to stop hurting him months ago. If not longer. Maybe that’s all he ever really did in the long run. Hurt him. Even their good times were laced with ache.
Being ladened with guilt was as a familiar sensation was what it felt like for the warmth that filled his belly when Sebastian took the lead with a hand on his back and walked him inside. Another testament to how twisted and wrong everything about them became. When something so horrible can be as equal of a feeling as the good so they fit together in a terrible seamlessness? How could he have stood by and let this all happen? Been the catalyst for it, even? Has he always just been this way? Capable of this? Careful what questions you wish could be answered wen the answer is so damn…awful you don’t want to know. One more elevator ride. One more closed door. And he’d never do this to him again. No matter what the cost was.
The elevator rose up each floor in an agonizingly slow ascent made worse by the silence and stupid canned music playing overhead. Not loud enough to make this any less uncomfortable than the quiet was turning it into. How was he supposed to open his mouth and say a word when he wasn’t sure that if he did do that? Stopping would be impossible. The risk of anyone coming in and interrupting kept Blaine’s mouth closed the entire ride up. His hands were kept to himself by lacing his fingers together because the temptation to reach out and take Sebastian’s kept digging in deeper and deeper until his insides were twisted around the idea.
He got so good at staring at the floor that it took another touch for him to realize that the ride he wished would end was over. The doors pulled open and once again, Sebastian was the one to take the lead towards a destination Blaine knew he was dreading more with every step. But he couldn’t not go. Why? Because Blaine asked. They were inside the room and he barely cleared the door before he came to a sudden stop. “I’m sorry I did this to us. I’m sorry I made us become something that felt like this when it used to be something so good. I never wanted to hurt you. But I did. Over and over again but I’m,” his voice broke and he finally made eye contact, “sorry.”
Sebastian breathed again when Blaine looked up at him. For a moment he thought Blaine would let their song fall flat, would let their steps echo and leave Sebastian hanging and their music would fade and he wouldn’t know what to do next. Blaine laughed instead. It wasn’t nearly as fulfilling as what Sebastian was used to get from him (specially when HE provoked it), but it was good enough, and his own lips twitched mischievously as they shared that look that said Blaine knew exactly what Sebastian meant and how much. “You’d only say it was me out of prince charming habits, Blainers,” the bashful schoolboy routine “and that’s no good manners, really.” He pointed out, crossing his arms and smirking. “And who says I’ll have an older pick up line routine? Once I’m fifty I’ll just aim the same old, gold, me at the seventy year olds, and go from there.” He winked. “Hey, by then, they’ll probably have a solution for every aging sexual issue a gay man could possibly dream of.”
He tilted his head, watching him on the couch and how he ran his fingers over the blanket. For a moment, his head zoned out as he imagined how those fingers would feel smoothing his skin out. The thank you snaps him back and he nods with a light shrug. “What are almost ex booty calls, frenemies, for?” He smiled, softly this time, to show it was all fine. “No worries, killer.” He murmured, then, something about Blaine’s vulnerability kept him stuck in place, afraid to get in close, to actually sit down by his side at first, and he decided to move and set up the movie so he had something to fill his hands with other than himself, and the thought of Blaine’s mochaccino skin.
“Good thing we don’t disagree on that, otherwise I might need to kick you out. It’d be a shame, all that food…” He said, cheerfully as he set the first Captain America in and finally approached the couch if a bit awkwardly. He nodded then, pinching his nose and he was about to sit down when Blaine mentioned tea and he stopped. Right. Shit. He wasn’t sure he knows how to do that. But he could try. He chuckled surprised at the topic as he stopped half motioning outside. He smiled,, his special, crinkled nose, dimpled, Blaine, smile. “Don’t think you have, babe.” He grinned. “Though I’ve been made aware that I have fantastic legs.” He winked. “Alright.” He motioned the remote towards him, before throwing it for him, though admittedly, with some care, and far away from his face. “Set up. I’ll be right back.”
He took his time in the kitchen. First trying to find the tea bags, then where the pans were, only to decide he didn’t really know how to work the stove and it was better to just microwave it. Then he grabbed a cup for it, heated the water, and when he took the bag in hands he stared for a moment, then took a pair of scissors and cut it open, dumping the herbs on the water. He watched as they floated in the plastic cup and frowned, the water seemed to go brown but he wasn’t sure that was right. he mixed it with a spoon but he didn’t remember it looking like that when he ordered it at hotels. Also the water looked too light but he was afraid to dump another bag and screw it up. He grabbed it, along with a pot of cubed sugar and walked back to the living room.
“… Don’t know if this is what you meant… But if you want a shot with that…” he put the cup and sugar in front of Blaine on the coffee table a little awkwardly, and sat down besides him, settling in, and smiling some. “All good?”
Left alone while Sebastian went to make his tea, Blaine bit against the insides of his lips as he stared at and through the television at the same time. His brain filled with about half a dozen excuses on why he should leave and he was so tempted to grab one and run with it. Sudden call from home. Forgotten homework. It was getting late and he needed to go. None of which were remotely close to believable but he wasn’t ever the greatest liar anyway. Who knows, though? With all the undercurrents of doubt and pensiveness that were threatening to drown them both if this lasted much longer? Sebastian might thank him for being the one to come up with a means to put an end to this because Sebastian would never tell him to leave. As of a few hours ago? Blaine had his fill on being where he wasn’t wanted to last him a lifetime.
Or was he making how negative this was up in his head? An aftermath of what happened. His nerves were so frayed that he might read too much into anything that was the slightest bit of hesitation on Sebastian’s part. Of course he was uncomfortable. There were no secrets on how much Kurt and Sebastian disliked one another. Though one side always seemed a little heavier than the other because of how Kurt was wired. But Blaine never faulted him for that. Only cringed inside when he felt like he had to defend himself or Sebastian. Until there were reasons enough for Kurt not to worry as much. Blaine could see how it would be awkward. Giving him advice about Kurt. Being here for him when he was broken hearted over the other had to make him awkward. He wasn’t naive enough to think their conversation earlier was just a-okay fine. So? Maybe that was what was truly wrong? Who knew?
His head was spinning by the time he went against what would bring this all to an abrupt end. But he decided to stay. A truckload of food was on the way. Sebastian was making him tea. Leaving now would be a slap in the face to everything Sebastian did for him. But it still felt so off.
“Hey. Welcome back.” Nothing less than a grateful smile was waiting for Sebastian when he entered the room. Regardless of his thoughts running rampant when he was left alone, Blaine made sure that any seeds of doubt that might be left behind were gone by the time his host returned. Careful hands took the mug in their grip and he sighed in gratitude when Sebastian finally sat beside him. “I appreciate it. All good.” Thank God he went for the sugar and was about to dump a spoonful in when he noticed something just wasn’t quite right..
It wasn’t the way the tea bag was made that no string hung on the side of the cup. Because there was no bag inside. Period. Only floating leaves in tea stained water.. Slamming his lips together didn’t hold in the chuckle that started first with a shaking of his shoulders. Then his eyes scrunched together and his cheeks tinted pink. Screwed up tea might’ve been exactly what he needed to move past nerves and tears and the mess of emotions he was in and outright laugh instead. “Sebastian…? Did you? Was this? Did you empty a bag in the water? Or was this loose leaf? I just..wow. You’re..” Adorable barely covered it. Sebastian. Bless your heart. You just ascended a whole new level of kitchen helplessness in his eyes.
❝…” Yeah, I did… Sebastian stared at him as Blaine echoed his words, with a stupefied expression, expecting not so patiently for him to elaborate even though he had a feeling Blaine wasn’t going to. Or that his elaboration wasn’t going to help much. Now that the doctor was gone and he was feeling a little less dizzy, he could see how unusually pale Blaine looked, and a glance down told him he’d been twisting his fingers in the nervous way he used to whenever something was on his mind. But the time when Sebastian used to notice (or care about) those little things was long gone, and he forced himself to look away. It was NOT his job to care anymore, and it’d taken him what? Almost a decade to start jotting that down? He wasn’t going off the rails now.
“I can’t believe you.” He stated, shaking his head. “Yeah? Well, most of us don’t live in romcoms, Blainers, and no matter what those might say, you really CAN’T smile your way into a non relative’s hospital room. I’d know.” He’d spent many a night alone in hospitals, from a kid to adulthood, it wasn’t anything new for him, and that type of movie magic was a little too strong for even Blaine Anderson to pull off. “Of course he isn’t.” He sighed out, then stopped.
“You did?” He’d thought that meant the didn’t know, Shirley Temple, that was, that Blaine had made some excuse, because when it came to Sebastian and Blaine’s gang of muppets he, somehow, no matter the circumstances, always ended up as the excuse. He raise an eyebrow as he glanced at him, before licking his lips. He tried to reach for the table and winced. “Since you’re here. Can you… Get me some water..? I’m freaking parched. The painkillers…” He made a gesture towards his mouth, he was used to that too, having had his fair share of hospital rendezvous. " ‘Throw a wild guess out there, and say they don’t know about the fiancé part?” He glanced at him. He hadn’t even expected Blaine to tell them he was with Sebastian at the hospital, so he wasn’t exactly judging, but still- “Tell me why I shouldn’t tell the next nurse the truth, here.” He said slowly, as he looked at him, not defensive now, just tired. Exhausted.
They both knew where this road lead. And it wasn’t anywhere good. It was beyond ironic that he was the one not willing to “pull the prank” so to speak and fool these people, to tell the lie, to play the part, because in this case, the part would leave him hanging, dry, and hurting a hell lot more than this car accident, and he knew it. They’d done this so many times now. It never ended well. Either one or both of them ended up injured one way or another, and Sebastian was tired. He was tired of having any kind of hope. It’d been years now, but even just being in the same room like that, having Blaine say he wanted to take care of him, that he was worried for him, was already starting to cut him open. “Can we just skip to the end? You heard doctor strange, I’m fine. I’m gonna be great. Thanks… For being here, getting– us engaged and all that jazz. Time to go back to your actual fiancé. You know, that one you took a town over to my boarding school, to propose to. I assume he’s still the one.”
Blaine was obviously not done messing with his fingers. His hands slid out from underneath him, dug at his knees. Knuckles bled to white as he clasped them together, shoved them between his thighs and dug his thumbnails into the fleshy part of his hand just under them on their opposite sides. Later one, there’d be crescent shapes pressed in that might leave a bruise. He was searching for any amount of approval of what he did. For the reasons why. For Sebastian to show him any sign that he was glad he didn’t wake up hurting and alone in the hospital. A smile. It could be tiny. Or laced with some snarky comment that might brush off how much he meant what he was saying. Anything from the pages of their past that might amount to something substantial enough to hang onto.
What he got was anything BUT what he was looking for. ‘I can’t believe you.’ Clamping his mouth shut, he immediately broke eye contact and his lap was instantly locked in his sights. His entire posture sank making him seem smaller than normal where he sat on the large sleeper chair. “I know you can’t. That’s why I lied..” Lifting his chin just enough that he could peek over Sebastian, he nodded. “I didn’t think you’d want anyone else here.” Seems Sebastian didn’t want ANYONE here (including him) but Blaine had the foresight enough to know that Kurt was probably the LAST person on Earth he’d want. Risking what might happen when he got home, he’d warded him away.
Seeing Sebastian wince, Blaine was already half out of his seat when he was asked for water. Trembling hands reached for the pitcher as soon as he rushed close enough to grab it. Water splashed onto the fake wood grain surface of the hospital bed table but he managed to get enough into the cup. “Because I’ll leave without you getting me kicked out of here. If that’s what you want me to do. And it is. I can see.” Once his hand was free of the cup, he stepped back and pressed his lips together. He could see it clear as day when he met Sebastian’s gaze. His hope to be a soothing presence was a failure in the worst kind of way. It was time to go. Staying any longer was only going to worsen the insult he hadn’t meant to dish out from the beginning.
“Okay,” his heart broke in ways it shouldn’t. In ways it didn’t have the right to. As Sebastian said, he’d made his choice. Starry eyed and love struck, he made his choice. What time did between now and then didn’t matter. His throat felt like it filled with rocks that were digging in and tightening up his chest, stomach. One word and Blaine turned, went back to his chair and grabbed his coat from where he had it shoved into the corner and draped over the back to use as a makeshift pillow. What else did he have left to say out loud anyway? Sebastian didn’t want to hear that he was welcome. That he was here because he was petrified he might’ve lost him on the street. That he didn’t want to go and a huge part of him never wanted to leave. Sebastian wouldn’t want to hear any of it. His chance for an open ear died at the bottom of a staircase. Warmth surrounded him when he pulled it on.
“This was selfish. A mistake. I’m so sorry for how I made you feel, Sebastian.”
Sebastian swallowed as Blaine brought him in, but leaned into the affection, his fingers curling tighter on the curve of Blaine’s thigh. Blaine’s blunt warmth and closeness, slowly drove away the cold of the thoughts he’d had before, and the fear that had gripped to his heart as he’d driven home in a rush and only by a miracle hadn’t ended up in a hospital himself. Sebastian Smythe was many things, but he was never irrational or rash, unless it came down to Blaine. When it was about Blaine Anderson, his rational brain turned into a knot, his light heart became heavy with more feelings than he’d care to admit to, and often his emotions took easy rule of him instead of his calculated thoughts. And so he breathed, and he let Blaine caress and hold and touch him, more affection and intimacy than he’d usually allow upfront, his methods of acceptance usually involving pretexts such as their naked bodies twined tight in bed after sex, or minds distracted by books and work in the balcony, a movie on the couch. He didn’t pull away or joke, now, just allowed it.
Each other’s. He knew. He did. He knew NOW, but it was still good to hear it. He still needed to be reminded that he was also Blaine’s family and Blaine needed him too. He stared at him, lips parted as he was held, green eyes glittering with wonderment as they always did whenever Blaine said those words, his pulse thundering. He looked back into Blaine’s eyes and his were open, as they were only for him. I’ve been yours from the moment we met. And wasn’t that the truth? He knew it, Blaine knew it, hell, the whole group of ex Warblers and whole of Dalton knew it. He nodded back, breathless, silent words traded between them as easily as they always had and then Blaine’s lips were on his, and Sebastian parted and shuddered into it. He gripped the sides of Blaine’s shirt tight and pulled him in until they were so close the counter was digging into his own thighs, but he didn’t care, a cold contrast to Blaine’s soft kiss.
He followed Blaine’s lead, as he always did, taking what was given to him, and as he kiss grew deeper, he moved his hand to grasp both under Blaine’s thighs just at the curve of his ass and Sebastian wished he could be one with him like that, drive deep, deep, and never come back. Instead, he pushed his tongue in, searching for that connection, as hard and warm as his lungs would allow. “Fuck dinner,” He growled, once he couldn’t kiss him any longer, ragged breath just over Blaine’s mouth. “Need you inside me.” He groaned as he gripped him tight, and then picked him up, carrying Blaine towards their bedroom and smashing their mouths again. His need far too great to be sated by a quickie over the kitchen counter.
Blaine knew Sebastian preferred other means of showering affection. Or, rather, having affection showered onto him. Because Blaine always had and always would enjoy little touches and pecks and kisses. Where Sebastian was more about bodies covered in a sheen of sweat, hums and limbs tangled together in the afterglow. Not that Blaine didn’t enjoy that form of affection either (oh he did very much), it was only that..in their current state? Reassuring his husband that he was here, safe and sound and still fully alive and in love was all Blaine wanted to make sure he did. More kisses to the crown of Sebastian’s head. A rare opportunity to be the taller one allowing him to dot several against the cool silken strands of hair underneath his lips. “I love you. I’m here. I’d never let anyone take me away from you like that. Ever. Not even a car.”
Oh, Sebastian was his. His, his, his. There wasn’t a shred of doubt in Blaine’s mind that they belonged to each other equally after years of Sebastian belonging to him far more than he allowed himself to belong to the other. Or had he? In ways, Sebastian always had parts of him no one else could have. Because no one else was allowed to see them. Thinking, just for a split nanosecond, that he might’ve lost what they had because of a stupid accident would have killed him. Poor Sebastian drove an entire commute home thinking it. Strong legs wrapped around Sebastian’s middle tighter, holding him in place against the counter he was pressed into so tightly already. They kissed like lovers reunited. Soft and sweet and full of love. Blaine didn’t hold in the soft sigh that he exhaled over Sebastian’s cheek. Nor the sound of delight muffled between their lips.
He was breathless by the time his mouth opened far enough that the tip of his tongue ran up over Sebastian’s bottom lip and teased a promise that it might slip inside to search for his. Sebastian’s grip on his rear made his senses explode in bursts of light through his thighs, stomach and behind his eyelids. God. A simple grab and he felt a throb of ache pang through his frame. The kiss ran deeper, his mouth gave way for it. Two fistfuls of hair were grabbed onto and Blaine moaned almost diving back to capture his husband’s mouth when the other split them apart. “Oh God,” was all he could groan out to Sebastian’s want. If there was ever more of a perfect sales pitch for the taller of the pair to get what he needed? Good luck finding it. Blaine let himself be carried, kissing him with his tongue and teeth nipping his bottom lip until they were in the bedroom. Without breaking anything on the way by some miracle. Without being put down, all the shorter could manage was yanking at Sebastian’s buttons and throwing his torn off tie on the ground. At least he had a bit of a throat to latch his mouth onto. And, like a man starved for the taste of skin he memorized every nuance of, he did.
“… Yeah. Let’s just… Cab.” Sebastian’s voice was rough as he tried to swallow it down and motioned outside with a short nod, press of lips, and that small commiserate pop of jaw that tugged his lips down of whenever he – if rarely – sourly admitted defeat. there was no victory against Blaine, there never had been. Sebastian was screwed the moment Blaine walked into that rehearsal room, or even before that, the moment someone said his name, Trent maybe, Blaine Anderson, and for a moment, an entire group of boys perked up, time slowed down, and faces lit up with an admiration that made him feel empty. He’d been hungry for more of Blaine, to fill that void ever since. Because as used as he’d been with people in awe of him, his whole life, no one had ever looked at him the way those boys looked like when talking about their ex leader, and at first it’d made Sebastian want them to. And then, after meeting Blaine, after getting WHY, it’d just made him wish, every day, that Blaine would know he was THERE. For more than five minutes, or a quick text.
This part was sickeningly easy, and maybe that was the worst of it. A hand fell on the small of Blaine’s back like breathing, a comfortable distance, enough to be friendly, and Sebastian quickly guided him outside, before they could gather anymore unwanted attention. A few more steps, a quick text to one of his on call cab drivers, and before he could think about it, one was parking in front of them. Sebastian opened the door for Blaine, second nature at this point really, and waited for him to go in before slipping in, himself, and giving the driver the right address. As the car took off, he was already booking them a room in his phone. And once he was done, he just stared at the screen, lost.
He felt numb.
When had he got here? It doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you. He wanted to laugh. Only it did. It did bother him. When Blaine had first come knocking on his door that night, Sebastian had thought the worst of it was knowing he’d finally chosen to cheat, and decided to do it with someone else, that he wasn’t even attracted enough to Sebastian for THAT. He’d been wrong. This was worse. Even if he didn’t fully understand why yet. He didn’t reach out. Didn’t try to touch, though he glanced at him, as the cab rolled through Westerville. His green eyes small with doubt, thin as his lips, and the skin between his thumb and curled forefinger. He pinched his nose and cleared his throat as the cab stopped. “We’re here.” He paused and looked at him. “You sure you wanna do this, killer?” He might not be sure what they were going to do, but he knew Blaine and he knew whatever they did, or didn’t do, Blaine would carry it with him for the rest of his fairytale life with Kurt. And as much as Sebastian hated the thought of their perfect marriage, he didn’t want the fault in it to be his, either.
Relief flooded in when Sebastian mentioned a cab. As short lived as it was bound to be given this entire, messed up situation–Blaine needed just a little more time. Just a little more selfishly begged for and reluctantly given time. He’d taken so much of Sebastian’s time already. Wasted it on friendship that maybe couldn’t last past the the things they did that Blaine promised himself wouldn’t ruin them. That they promised wouldn’t tear them down to nothing and it had. Hadn’t it? Looking at Sebastian’s profile, seeing the way he caved in defeat for something that he used to give so happily because being around one another as friends was better than being without each other period, was all the confirmation he needed. A blind man could see that much without barely a glance. They were ruined and if this was goodbye? There was no way in hell Blaine was going to say it in the middle of a coffee shop. Not like that. Never.
Being guided by Sebastian’s hand, Blaine followed where he was lead. Glad to be away from anyone listening or watching, hesitant eyes shifted their glare towards the cement and up to Sebastian’s mouth again. Was it still pulled tight? With the paper thin line between his lips and burrowed brows? Yeah. It was. What was horrible was that the looks that Blaine used to feel his soul come to life when he was given them were long gone now. Blaine couldn’t remember when the last time Sebastian looked at him so teasingly, so happily, and with that devil may cry charm mixed with just enough ot raunchy sarcasm that Blaine felt his head spin dizzy from excitement instead of starting to throb at the temples sharp enough that the leather and coffee smell inside the cab made him nauseated. Sure. Blame it on the smell. Another lie to believe. Like the one where Sebastian wasn’t doing this because he wasn’t wired to say no to him.
He felt sick.
Blaine didn’t do anything to break the silence during the ride. He’d gone from watching Sebastian to the color change of his fingertips as he dug the edge of his left thumbnail under the right like it was the most fascinating thing on the planet. A sharp gasp and Blaine jerked his head towards Sebastian. Surprised, round eyes blinked like he hadn’t realized the car came to a stop and they arrived until Sebastian spoke up. Killer. His bottom lip shoved itself against it’s match and he swallowed a golf ball sized lump in his throat. “Y-Yeah. Let’s go inside. Don’t have to stay long. I promise. I just need..,” clamping his mouth shut, his gaze shot towards the cabbie and then to Sebastian and he decided he’d wait until they had their room to say anything else. Judging by how wobbly his tone was? The former Warbler might need the break from talking anyway.
Sebastian’s eyelids fluttered, long eyelashes shadowing the freckles on his face as he leaned into Blaine’s touch like oxygen. He all but nuzzled into his palm, squeezing his eyes against the mirrored look on Blaine’s face, not wanting to see him hurt for a second, even by the IDEA of being in pain. He breathed in, and the scent of Blaine’s moisturizer and fresh, crisp, cologne ran down to his lungs like fresh, cold water, and he opened his eyes again so he could look at that gorgeous face, and revel in it. No one in that world could had made him feel as much fear as the idea of losing Blaine. Not when Sebastian already knew an ounce of the pain he’d face, and to only try to imagine that amplified tenfold made his throat all but almost collapse before he pushed the thought away, firmly, grounding himself on the grasp of Blaine’s wrist and the strong stream of warm blood under it.
He didn’t even crinkle his nose, in natural reaction, when Blaine called him honey, just so ridiculously happy to have Blaine there to call him every single pet name in the book. He did let out an amused, relief breath, though, when Blaine covered him in kisses and pressed a tight kiss to his lips in return, some anxiety still lingering in the way his lips ached as he did. The way Blaine touched his neck made more goosebumps than usual sprout on Sebastian’s skin, the ex Warbler suddenly painfully aware of everything about his husband, from the way the speckles of gold mixed in his eyes, to the way each particular fingertip felt running down his skin. “You’re all I got.” He blurted out, before he could control himself, voice rough. “My dad’s… She’s gone. You’re all I’ve got, Blaine, you’re everthi—” He clicked his jaw shut, leaning in as Blaine pulled him and breathing steadily now as he finally started to calm down, the adrenaline rush wearing out. “You always were.” Even before, when he’d though Blaine hadn’t wanted him, Sebastian had loved him fiercely. And he’d rather have a world where Blaine wasn’t his but was IN it, than ever have to live with the fact this world didn’t contain Blaine Anderson anymore. He nodded softly, almost unaware, obeying the command without thought as his eyes stayed lost inside Blaine’s. “I love you.” He breathed out, so softly he wondered if Blaine heard it. “So…. Damn. Much. Killer.” He breathed in, roughly now, as he pushed forward to press his forehead against Blaine’s temple, closing his eyes.
“Shhh. I have you. See?” Legs that were already tight around Sebastian’s middle drew him closer to the counter so he could lean in and kiss the corner of his mouth softly. Blaine felt heartbroken seeing Sebastian struggling to get those horrid thoughts out of his head. He’d do anything for some supernatural ability to dig into this thoughts, take out that moment where he’d thought the most awful thing that could happen between them had happened. This wasn’t fair. Sebastian didn’t deserve to have any awful pictures flooding his mind. Or go through the pain and ache that someone accidentally put him through. He was just trying to go to work, get his job done and come home. Not have his life twisted sideways by a careless mistake.
Frustration and anger followed the initial shock and immediate worry that followed seeing his husband in the state he was in when he rushed through the door. Being powerless to do anything about it other than comfort him felt so..awful. His fingers didn’t stop tracing around Sebastian’s face, neck, hair and ears. Anywhere they wanted to roam, he let them.
Frustration and anger followed the initial shock and immediate worry that followed seeing his husband in the state he was in when he rushed through the door. Being powerless to do anything about it other than comfort him felt so..awful. His fingers didn’t stop tracing around Sebastian’s face, neck, hair and ears. Anywhere they wanted to roam, he let them in hopes of draining the last of the adrenaline out with a simple caress somehow. His eyes burned when Sebastian struggled to get out everything that Blaine always knew. “
I know, Sebastian. I know. We’re each other’s everything. Remember? ” Heart breaking more by the second, he kept eye contact until Sebastian got so close he couldn’t anymore. “I love you, too.” A purposefully steady hand cupped Sebastian’s cheek, fingers spread so he could hook his thumb just under Sebastian’s jawline and pull him back just far enough to stare into his eyes without saying another word. I’m here. I’m yours. You’re mine. We’re safe. All inside hazel and gold surrounded by wet and red that he wished wasn’t there. Blaine nodded slowly just to make his point clear then leaned in closer. Closer. His lips touched Sebastian’s with a cautious softness, thumb moving to stroke his cheek while the tips of the rest of his fingers ran through and over his hair and skin. What was supposed to be a peck lingered long past that and grew stronger. When words wouldn’t work the rest of the way? Maybe this would.
The burn of his last drink was still inside his mouth when he sat himself down on the floor of the closet he just so happened to end up inside with Sebastian on the very first round of the game the Warblers were all too eager to play. Shut away from the rest of the world in their secret little hideaway, Sebastian and a few others snuck in the liquor. And the rest? As they say. Was history. With a thud, he felt Sebastian join him and he blinked down at him with a look of puzzlement etched on his flushed face. “Weird how this ended up you and me two seconds into the game,” Blaine smirked making his thoughts sort of obvious. Did Sebastian set this up? Was this idea all his to begin with?
Then his mouth got warm and he could taste the coppery flavor spreading up into his nostrils and he practically melted down onto the floor beside the long, lean body pressed so very close to his. “Almost like it was rigged,” the heels of his palms dug into his eyes but his lazy smile said he didn’t mind. Not too much. “You wouldn’t do that.. Would you?” They both knew pretty damn well Sebastian would. Blaine was simply the master of skipping right to oblivious when he needed to. This point in time was a good example of when he needed to.
But with a turn, Sebastian’s nose was right in front of his. Green eyes made sparkling by too much to drink and that glint that never quite left them met his and Blaine lost his ability to joke. Instead what came out were stuttered puffs of air that was supposed to be a chortle. Those died out two seconds in when instead of watching Sebastian watching him, he didn’t realize he’d skipped down to watching Sebastian’s mouth and his Cheshire Cat grin..and how Sebastian’s tongue dipped out to swipe off a tiny taste of expensive liquor off the corner of his lips. Oh god. Blaine’s finger lifted up to get the rest. The pad of it pressed to Sebastian’s bottom lip. He choked out an, “I got it…,” before absentmindedly sucking the flavor off his skin. A quiet sound left his throat before he could bit the tip of his finger to keep it at bay.
The look on Sebastian’s face was a blend of mischief and shock.. What did he just do?
pianokeysandbowties 