Rachel didn´t like to think about the day she had heard about Finn´s death. She didn´t like to think about how it had felt like someone had ripped out her heart, thrown it to the ground and repeatedly stepped on it. She had never really lost someone. A grandma, yes, but she had been too little to comprehend it and this? This was entirely different. It wasn´t like she had necessarily been head over heels in love with Finn anymore, but he had been her person. Her first love. And part of her had thought that, maybe, at some point they would get it together and be a couple. Maybe it had been wishful thinking, and not the best idea, but it had been there, inside her head and heart, and now that this possibility had been taken from her she had no idea how to deal with it all.
She snuggled closer against Blaine then, letting him tangle their legs together. He had lost a friend too. Kurt had lost a brother. They had all lost Finn and while life had to go on ( Like the show had to go on, or all over the place, like Finn had always said ) it was hard to just pull herself together. She´d have to go back to NYADA at some point though, they had given her two weeks off, but she knew Finn wouldn´t have wanted her to fall behind.
She sighed as she buried her face against Blaine´s chest. “I love you too…and I`m sorry I´m putting all of this on you.” She whispered. “I know it´s hard on you too.” She stifled another yawn. “And you´ve been so kind. So thank you.”
“Please don’t think of apologizing to me. That should be the last thing from your mind. I just want to be here..” Yes, he lost Finn and damn it there was a giant of a quarterback sized hole in his heart that’d been there ever since he got the call asking him to come to the Hummel-Hudson house. But. Rachel and Kurt needed him more than he felt like he had the right to lean on them. His loss wasn’t any less significant. There’s really no comparison when it comes to grieving and it’s, definitely, not something to try and ‘one-up’ anyone over. It wasn’t anything like that. They just needed him and he made a promise to Burt that he’d make sure to be here if only to LISTEN. Whatever the two of them needed, he’d give it freely. And deal with his pain in pieces with them when they could take it. Or silently when he didn’t think they could.
“Of course. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Gentle, careful fingers began to lace their way through Rachel’s hair and his free hand scooped hers up to hold both against his chest. His pulse was steady and strong and there to give her something to focus on. Breathing deep, fingertips lightly grazed over her scalp and he sighed towards the ceiling.
Blaine’s fingers never stopped playing with her hair as he let his eyes fall shut. He didn’t need to open his eyes when he felt the bed budge next to him. Kurt was here and there were a pair of arms wrapped around him and one leg stretched over both his and Rachel’s. “Get some rest. Both of you. Breakfast in the morning. Don’t forget.”
This was probably the first time Rachel wasn´t really paying any attention to the movie they were watching, but she was more focused on Blaine and the warmth she felt as he held her. For the first time she also didn´t feel like crying when someone was holding her. Maybe it was because he wasn´t telling her that things would be alright eventually, but because he was simply HOLDING her, without expecting anything of her. He was just making conversation and she could feel herself relaxing slowly in his arms.
Kurt really was a lucky guy, but then again she had known that from the moment she had met Blaine. He had always been fantastic and sometimes even Rachel forgot that he was probably suffering as much as them. With his fingertips against her cheeks she blinked up at him, lips curving into a smile. “I´m not leaving you hanging, no way.” She then smiled. “I could never do that.”
“And it always depends. Some people need coffee before doing yoga and some need it afterwards. Some do both,” She chuckled, leaning into his touch. “I usually get coffee afterwards. And subways are something you get used to. Just stick to my side and you´ll be fine.” Rachel then added, letting out a content sigh. “And I´d never want to get rid of you, why would I even try? You´re the best thing that happened to me,” She then mumbled, suppressing a yawn.
The corners of Blaine’s eyes crinkled with the genuine smile hearing Rachel say he was the best thing that happened to her brought. Honestly, having Rachel in his life was pretty high up on his list of bests too. Regardless of how quirky she could be at times. Others, downright crazy demanding.. She was one of the people dearest and nearest to his heart. No amount of temper tantrums or time or distance could dampen that. As far as Blaine was concerned? She was stuck with him for the rest of her life. Cause he couldn’t imagine the rest of his without her in it.
After recovering from a yawn that watching her do the same instinctively drew out of him, Blaine nuzzled down against her forehead and let his eyes fall shut.
“Just don’t ever give up being you. No matter what. You are perfect, Rachel Berry. Never forget that,” he whispered, “No get some rest. I’ll stay here for a little while longer. I’ll make sure you’re okay. Promise.” Wrapping her up in his arms and tangling their legs together sealed the deal.
Unseen above her head where his chin rested lightly so they could fit together just right, Blaine rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and repeated the same mantra in his head that he had from the night he got the phone that he needed to get to the Hudson-Hummel household as fast as possible.
Burt’s voice was broken, he wouldn’t answer any of Blaine’s questions. The panic that swelled up inside his chest as he frantically ran out of the house in his pajamas and a jacket pushed the pedal to the bottom of his floorboards the longer he talked to him on the phone in his car. Only to walk in on the most devastating sobs from a grown man and woman he’d ever heard. That night was the first he begged for forgiveness of all the hurt he forced Finn to help Kurt through. For the disappointment that he saw in Finn’s eyes twice by his choices. He swore that he’d be right here. Where he was…and make everything as okay as he could. He was sorry. “I love you, Rachel.. Kurt loves you, too.” Hopefully his fiance’ would stay asleep a bit longer.
Rachel knew that she was being selfish, but she couldn´t
help it. Finn´s death had thrown her off track, and she had been trying to stay
strong for Kurt and even for Carol, but the truth was: She was broken. Not
necessarily because she had still been in love with him, but because she had
figured he would always be a part of her life and now that image of her future
had just been ripped apart.
He had been Blaine´s friend too, though, and simply relying
on Blaine to make her feel better, even if he was offering, was selfish. He was
suffering too, and yet here he was, trying to take care of both Kurt and her.
Rachel sighed, cradling the tea mug he had given her in her hands.
When Blaine told her he´d stay Rachel felt as if a part of
the weight she´d been carrying around with her had been lifted off of her. She
offered him what she assumed was a smile, the best she could come up with.
“Audrey.” She finally decided, because as much as she loved
Barbra: It would remind her too much of the times she had made Finn watch Funny
Girl with her. Rachel put the tea aside and scrambled out of bed, going for her
DVD collections. She went through it for a little while before pulling out a
case.
“How about Roman Holiday? I heard they´ll be holding
auditions for a revival on Broadway soon!”
The tiniest smile from Rachel made Blaine feel like he’d just moved a mountain all by himself. A swell of relief and happiness made his heavy heart feel lighter as he searched her eyes and reflected it with the same upward curve of his lips right back. Even if it was barely there, it meant everything to him. “Audrey it is.. I’m more in the mood for her anyway. Then again,” he asked trying to perk up even brighter, “When is there ever not a good time for Miss Hepburn?”
His hands were waiting, ready for the DVD when she drew close and he waved towards the bed as soon as he took it. “Go get comfy. Or I’m claiming three quarters of the mattress all to myself. You have yet to encounter my starfish capabilities. They’re pretty impressive.”
When his back was to her–Blaine took just a second to center himself as he thumbed the DVD in the player and flicked the volume button on the TV up a few notches keeping it low enough so Kurt wouldn’t wake up but loud enough for them to enjoy. His smile fell, his eyes went tired. Both were erased by the same lopsided smile he had a minute ago the second he had the remote in his hand and scurried back to her side grabbing her hairbrush off her dresser on the way.
“I love you, Rachel Berry. You know that,” he asked with a hum as he rested his back against the headboard and crossed his legs under one another. “Come here,” motioned down to his lap and wiggled the brush. “I’ll brush your hair while we watch. Deal?”
pianokeysandbowties 