“It’s fine.” Well no, actually it wasn’t fine. At all. Elliott shouldn’t be so fucking self-conscious, or so fat, or so God damn bad at being a good…boyfriend? partner? friend with benefits? Whatever the hell they were.
He didn’t really respond to the kiss, a little lost in his own momentary self loathing to actually register what was going on. After a moment though, he caught the tail end of what Blaine was saying, and gave a more genuine little smile back.
“Yeah, okay.” Elliott agreed, nodding and stepping back from Blaine with a ever so slight frown blooming across his face – although this one was more about having to let him go then being upset with himself. He stepped away to head to the kitchen, although for a moment he couldn’t help but let his eyes linger on Blaine, a much softer smile coming onto his face.
Blaine cringed inwardly as he pulled away from the kiss with a quizzitive blink. He stood still trying to piece together how to fix the feeling in the air between them back to what it was before changed and turned Elliott away from wanting to kiss him back. When he got the smile he was looking for after a few stomach churning beats, Blaine mirrored it and then stepped back watching as Elliott moved towards the kitchen.
Sticking his bottom lip between his teeth, Blaine gave the poor strip of skin a good chew as he walked into the bathroom and shut the door. “Damn it,” he breathed as his clothes were tossed one piece at a time into the hamper. At least the water was warm and the smell of vanilla filled the room. Inhaling deep, the increasingly frazzled musician tried to let the sweet-scented steam untangle his nerves from the mess they were on the verge of wrapping themselves into.
Great. Not two months into whatever they are and that sinking feeling that he was on the road to messing up again was lurking just beyond his spot of luck at finding someone like Elliott and started to claw it’s way back to greet him with a yank to his insides. Why did he say that? He should have known better. What Elliott was going through was the same thing he went through a year ago and it was a horrid feeling. Suggesting the two of them do such a thing was a dumb mistake. One he swore he wasn’t going to make ever again.
A smirk grew over Elliott’s face as he pretended to consider what Blaine said, before he was speaking in an overly cocky tone. “No, actually I think I’m about as amazing as they come. No room for improvement.”
A little peal of laughter left his lips after he said that, before he was turning his head to catch the edge of Blaine’s lips in the kiss too. It was nice to just tease and banter like this with his partner and not have to worry he’d come off as too cocky, or have to backtrack when he saw an eye twitching. Like with Kurt; he loved the guy, but God did he need to learn how to take a joke sometimes. It was almost cringe worthy.
“Pasta works,” Elliott was about to ask what kind when Blaine was making his…proposition. The smile fell from Elliott’s lips as he shook his head, trying to keep up the carefree expression – but they both knew the answer that was coming. The same sort of answer he always had for ideas like that.
“I – no. I’d rather not Blaine, I’m not really in the mood.” Scratch that, he was never in the mood. Too much closeness combined with a lack of clothes? That was a recipe for him to have another little body conscious freak out. He wasn’t going to risk putting Blaine through that again, and he straight up just wasn’t comfortable enough to agree off the bat like that.
Nuh-Uh.
“You know? You’re right. No room for improvement. When it comes to you? You’re perfect. I’m just lucky I get the chance to experience it.” He grinned, paying no mind to Elliott’s laughter. Because? Joking aside. Elliott was right although he was far too humble to ever admit to it. How could someone so kind, honest and supportive of everyone in his life not be perfect? Elliott Gilbert was that and more personified.
Seeing the expression on Elliott’s face suddenly change the second he asked the question he knew he shouldn’t have, Blaine felt his heart drop to his feet and then past that. Three floors down to the cement roof of the basement, actually. Why did he ask that? He already knew the answer.
Elliott wasn’t alone in going through a patch of time where he felt too conscious about himself to let go. Blaine was there. It was a horrible, dark place to be in. And he wanted to give Elliott the space and time and proper reassurance through every means possible to understand just how beautiful he truly was. A heaviness that didn’t dissipate when Elliott tried to regain the lightness of their banter made Blaine regret what came out of his mouth even deeper watching the other try to hide it.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.. I don’t know where my head went. You make it too fun to tease you back is all,” both hands gently clasped Elliott’s biceps and Blaine lifted himself back up to press a gentle kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Spaghetti and marinara. If you were wondering. I’ll see you after my shower. Okay?”
“Its okay. I know it shouldn’t be such a big issue anyways.” Not that knowing that could stop it being SUCH a big issue for Elliott anyways. He just couldn’t stand the idea that Blaine had seen him like that and had time to stare. Not just someone staring, but BLAINE staring, Blaine judging him for the love handles and muffin top. He hated it.
Elliott strolled into the kitchen properly, trying to act unbothered as he hopped up on the counter next to Blaine, perching in the edge and giving the other a slightly tight smile. “Besides, y’all can’t help making it weird – mainly cause y’all can’t help staring apparently.” He gave a small laugh and nudged Blaine’s thigh with his knee. Close proximity to the other just felt like a smidgen closer to the comfort and hugs he felt like he needed after that.
Blaine gave a quiet laugh trying his best to keep patching up the distance that was suddenly smashed down between them. “Well. You can’t blame me,” he smirked hoping that it was as playful as he wanted it to come off as. Then gave Elliott’s knee a light jab with his elbow back, “You make a very pretty picture to stare at. It’s not my fault that you are gorgeous enough to make my brain not listen to the common sense part that said looking away sooner rather than later would have saved us from this mess.”
Did Elliott believe him?
The longer he watched his attempts to hide how uncomfortable he was–the more Blaine was tuning into the fact that he might not. Oh God, that was an awful feeling. How could someone who had the same issues than he’d care to count tell him he understood but Elliott was so so..beautiful just the way he was? Stepping a few paces to the side until he stood in front of Elliott’s bent knees–Blaine braced his hands against them and gave both kneecaps a gentle squeeze trying to press how serious he was with a touch to make it more real. “I get it. I do. But just know? That what I did see was perfect. Just like the rest of you. Okay?”
pianokeysandbowties 