sebastian cursed inside when blaine heard the sound as well and turned to look. damn it. he sighed but there was no use. still, he was relieved when the other didn’t motion to leave, despite the apology. sebastian shrugged.
❝we were done, anyways.’ it was crude, and tactless, but he didn’t really care. it wasn’t like he had to be careful about blaine’s feelings for him. ‘you know me.’ he said, dismissively, though that DID churn his stomach a little.
why did it still bother him so much what blaine thought of him? blaine seemed alright enough with who he was to keep being his occasional friend, and it wasn’t like there was any lingering questions about other possibilities. having SUNG at his engagement and now being here, mending his broken heart over another man, didn’t exactly leave room for wondering, or doubt. and he was okay with it. he just wanted to help. he told himself that again and pushed the embarrassment off his head. ‘sorry.’ he said, after all, because of how flushed blaine looked. ‘i told him to be quiet.’ he rolled eyes.
he rose green eyes, curious, at the new words. there’s a reason i’m here. what was it again? he felt the urge to spill the words. WHY? but didn’t. he never did, when it came to blaine. asking for more than blaine could or would give never ended well for either of them.
he offered a shortcut out for both of them. some way to still get blaine to feel better, without keeping on torturing them both with that conversation. blaine had got it off his chest after all, and as sebastian had stated, he wasn’t exactly good at the advice part of it. blaine didn’t want to drink. so what was left besides a bucket of junk food and something to pass the time on the tv? he nodded.
‘good.’ he got up and grabbed his phone from the coffee table, where he’d dropped it earlier, after almost sitting on it while his date got them both on that same couch, and the remote besides it. the latter he tossed towards blaine. ‘pick something.’ he told him, nodding towards the tv. his father paid for at least 10 different platforms for movies and series, besides netflix. ‘i’m gonna order us enough food to make us throw up.’ he half joked, as he got on the phone.
Blaine heard the door click shut in the momentary quiet created by Sebastian dialing in their food order. Poised with one knee bent on the mattress of the folded out sofa bed–the shorter of the pair curled his lip between his teeth and let his attention wander back towards the empty doorway leading out into the hall.
‘You know me’, Sebastian’s words from earlier echoed back. Why was Sebastian not the only one who’s stomach wasn’t feeling all that great? Not that he had any right for his brain to suddenly shift course and focus back onto that. Or feel any sort of way. Or even for the half-whispered apology from Sebastian that he received. His chance for them to mean anything but the prime example of how they were together in this room right now provided.
Yet here he was. Sebastian. There to answer the door in the middle of the night and kick out some random thrill for the night just to make sure he was okay. Sebastian was always there. And he kept coming back. Over and over. Because Sebastian would never turn him away.
Sebastian always opened the door and invited him in. Sebastian always answered the phone. Even if he sat silent on the other end because he didn’t want to sleep alone but didn’t know what to say either. Blaine didn’t realize he was pulling the thread from the hem around the wrist of his cardigan as he watched Sebastian hang up the phone. The remote was sitting untouched by Blaine’s knee when their eyes finally met.
“You’re always here. No matter what..,” he whispered letting go of the battered edge of his sweater. The poor thing was beat up enough. “I keep coming back here. Time and time again. Does it get old? You can tell me..” Finishing crawling up onto the sofabed, Blaine sat back on his heels kneeling and hands pressed together with their backs touching the insides of his thighs. “Just be honest. Please?”
sebastian sighed when blaine pulled away. both with relief for his numb hand that he flexed slowly, and in dread because he had hoped he’d be unconscious for a little while. at least until sebastian got himself situated. he didn’t know why those were his first words, they just were.
probably because the last time he’d seen blaine, blaine had sat with him at a coffee shop table ( not lima bean for once ) and told him he’d changed his mind. that he couldn’t tell kurt after all. that he’d chosen him over sebastian. that the weeks of waiting had been for nothing. that it was over.
sebastian had promised not to look back after that. to straighten his life and let blaine be happy, because once and for all he had his answer: blaine was never going to pick him. there were no doubts now. blaine had had his go at sebastian, at all of him, had learned all his secrets, tasted him numerous times, rolled with him on the bed until they both lost track of anything else around them. and now it was done.
in truth, he hadn’t WANTED to see blaine there when he woke up. because from all his injuries, nothing hurt quite like a bitch as seeing the other there. knowing… no. there wasn’t disappointment at the words. he HADN’T expected any other answer, because if blaine had dumped him for kurt, he wouldn’t leave him then for any other thing. sebastian felt a special brand of sickness in his stomach at the thought of kurt in his hospital room. he sighed at the request.
❝you should, blaine.’ you chose him, you should be with him. ‘ ‘s not like you can cure me. besides, i’m fine.’ this wasn’t his first rendezvous in the hospital by himself.
Blaine took to gripping the bottom cuff of his chinos as a means of grounding himself. His knuckles drained of color–olive turned to ivory before the rest of his fingers lengths caught up to a closer match. The edges of the fingernails on his free hand dug and plucked at the cheap plasticy-feeling leather on the arm of his chair. Worry lingered on his expression played out most in soft, wide eyes under a set of creased together burrowed brows.
This wasn’t any sort of reunion he’d ever ask for. Certainly not. Yet, here he was watching Sebastian trying to read his expression and still not able to comprehend how he was standing right there when Sebastian was hurt. Not after all the time apart. Who could expect they’d ever meet up again this way? Neither one of them. But he was here and so, so determined to stay.
If only he could figure out that look. Liar. You know why he’s looking at you like that. Your goodbye and this hello wasn’t fair. Neither were. Not for Sebastian.
Maybe he should have left. Maybe Sebastian would have forgotten everything about him being the one to rush to his side and call for help. If Sebastian were luckier–he would’ve forgot the panicked way Blaine refused to let him go to the hospital alone because it wouldn’t have happened. But it did. Or–luckier still–Sebastian would’ve been here alone and Blaine would’ve gone home. But he couldn’t
Call it horrid luck–Sebastian received none of that reprieve. Blaine had done all of those things and now, all he wanted to do was STAY. Hearing that he should go buckled in his belly and made his throat hurt. His brows lifted up and it took him a couple swallows but he managed to creak out, “I.. I don’t want to go. I might not be able to cure you but you shouldn’t be alone. I need to..,“ a thick swallow broke apart the words, “I need to make sure you’re gonna be okay.. Please?”
When Sebastian got the text, he somehow already knew. Blaine wouldn’t be texting him to meet up and talk if the news were good. If he had anything to say close to what Sebastian had longed for for almost two years now, he’d be asking him out. Not to the coffee place to have a conversation. Sebastian wasn’t mad. Not really. Hoping Blaine would actually leave Kurt for him had been a stretch by any means. He’d been awfully surprised just by the simple fact Blaine had called him at all, the first time. And then when they’d first kissed… Even his private fears that Blaine would be thrown off once their clothes were shed had been unfounded, and suddenly when he woke up next to a head full of curls, Sebastian felt like all the air had been knocked out of him, and he just didn’t care. I’m lucky. He was lucky it had happened at all. After everything, he hadn’t even hoped Blaine would go back to SPEAKING to him, much less…
A couple months were all they’d had before Blaine’s conscience got too much for him to handle sanely. Sebastian had been understanding, of course. He always was, with Blaine. He knew his place on Blaine’s life from the start. Blaine had always been clear on that. But then- Blaine had said he would try and TALK to Kurt. That things weren’t working out with them either way, and Sebastian felt like he didn’t have lungs anymore. His blood pumping so loud in his ears all nigh long afterwards that he spent it awake staring at the ceiling and breathing in big gasps, his gaze staring into the dark with some sense of wonder. He’d tried to ground himself again afterwards, remember this was Blaine and Kurt they were talking about, and that Blaine had never been his to claim, in the first place, no matter how it’d felt when they’d first met. It was out of his endless affection for the boy in front of him that the gentle response came. The kiss on the cheek as a warm goodbye, all he could do not to mouth Blaine’s lips and kiss him so hard he could start breathing again, swallowing the air from Blaine’s chest. But he hadn’t. He wouldn’t. He was a step from the door, when the hand closed around the bend of his elbow. He blinked, surprised. The words had gone unnoticed to him, in his turmoil, and he panted lightly as he looked at Blaine in confusion. Sebastian sighed, averting his eyes so he wouldn’t show at that soft beg. He licked over his dry lips, still tingling to claim Blaine’s, and breathed out tiredly. “Blaine… I-” He glanced back at him, lips pressed in a line. “Sure. What do you need, killer?” His defeated tone weighting on his tongue. Truth was that no matter how many times Blaine yanked at his leash, Sebastian would go to him again and again, because just as he had nonchalantly professed when they’d first met, whatever scraps Blaine was willing to give him, he’d always be eager to have. He couldn’t help himself.
I’m breaking him. I’m breaking him and this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have let things go the way they did. I shouldn’t have done this.. But, God, there wasn’t a moment inside of those months he shared with Sebastian that he didn’t need. Or want. Want? No, want wasn’t close enough of a word to use. Crave, ache for, cling to, cherish. Those fit better. Sebastian was his weakness as much as he wouldn’t agree because Blaine knew that doing what he did–choosing who he chose–gave Sebastian absolutely no proof of that claim. There wasn’t anything he could do to prove it to Sebastian either. Other than stand there inside the cafe not caring about the world around them. Or if anyone was watching. And utterly beg with everything inside of him for Sebastian to not walk out the door and leave. A voice inside of Blaine’s head had thoroughly convinced him that it might be the last time he ever saw Sebastian again after this. The lump in his throat said he didn’t have the willpower to let that happen. It’d be better for Sebastian, and maybe himself, if he could. Sebastian deserved so much better than him and the pain he was putting him through. Push come to shove, however? He wouldn’t be able to let him go without making sure this wouldn’t be their end. As much of a weakness Sebastian was? He was also so so much of a reason to have strength too. Even when he felt like he had none? Sebastian was there to show him he did. Yet, here they were. Broken. Because he just couldn’t…let someone else go. It was maddening to himself. To keep going in this endless circle back to that same someone else. God only knew how much worse it was for the man standing here so willing to deflate and give in because Blaine was asking him to.
“I know what that kiss was. I know what’s going to happen. Don’t?” A goodbye. That’swhat that was because he could feel it radiating from Sebastian. Two people can’t share what they share and not know what was happening inside the other. If he was right about that? Then Sebastian could certainly feel how desperate he felt. How panicked that they were done done. “Please don’t hate me,” the words were blurted out before Blaine could twist them into something less selfish, “I’m so scared I just ruined us. I know it’s greedy and horrible and makes me a terrible person but I can’t just not see you again ever.” His grip on Sebastian’s elbow flexed, tightened and held on. Tears filled his eyes for the third time today and the muscles in his neck could be seen forcing him to remember how to swallow. “I don’t regret what we..,” words fell into silence as his voice finally echoed back to him and he heard what he was saying and realized where this was heading. “Can we go somewhere? Not here. Please?” What the hell did he just ask that for? Because he’d do anything for five more minutes if those five more minutes were the only ones he was going to get by his own doing.
Blaine’s stomach twisted into a knot that was about six loops big when he received the name of the boy he was supposed to tutor after class. He stood in the doorway of the classroom staring at it for a good full minute before the teacher spoke up and jarred him out of his thoughts so he could answer. His instinct was to seriously debate whether or not he should keep his volunteer tutor status or tell her he would rather cut his losses and quit right then and there. Why? Because of the name he read on repeat.
Sebastian Smythe. Hello knot number seven.
There was no surprise that he arrived at the cafe before Sebastian. Nor was the fact that he had time to order his coffee, get his order, and pick a table either. Probably a good thing too. Might give him enough silence to truly figure out why he told the teacher he would instead of going through with just going to his room, closing the door and forgetting he was trying to do a good thing for someone. Why put himself through that? All Sebastian’s done since the two of them encountered one another was try to make his life miserable.
What started out as jabs Blaine ignored were becoming ones he couldn’t. Sebastian didn’t go so far as to break the anti-bullying rules. At least not far enough that Blaine wanted to go to someone about it. Having the same issue at Dalton he had at Central was only going to give his father’s argument about what he was going to have to get used to living the life he did more validity. But it was very crystal clear that Sebastian didn’t like him. Not. One. Bit. And it bothered him.
Blaine sat through the taller boy’s approach. Watched his realization and subsequent distaste of figuring out that Blaine wasn’t here just to sit close by. And then listened to the complaint. When he was dismissed–a brow went up and Blaine took a sip of his coffee to stop himself from letting his knee jerk reaction coming out of his mouth. Instead–when knot eight or nine was added into the mix? Blaine clamped his mouth shut, looked away and made himself swallow then breathe deep. “Good luck passing then. You’re going to need it.” Without saying another word–Blaine closed his book and stood up wishing he’d had gone with his first train of thought to begin with.
blaine kept stuttering. blushing. avoiding his eyes. in a way that looked nothing like the bashful way he’d done it before. he looked uncomfortable, maybe angry, or even hurt. sebastian felt his stomach drop to his knees, making them buckle. had he? did he? he reached out a hand, but pulled it back when blaine seemed to back away from him. sebastian swallowed down thickly. he opened his mouth to ask, even began the rough words,
❛❛did i—?’ but his voice wouldn’t come out. did i hurt you? his face voided as his eyes stared, wide and dark, pupils blown with concern because blaine looked as though he might be sick if sebastian got too close.
or was it that blaine KNEW? had he…. had he seen, him? and now he didn’t know how to bring it up? sebastian felt humiliation brew up inside him, coiling painfully behind his tensed abs, though he kept his face still. he didn’t know WHAT to think, and it was exasperating when he was used to always know what was going inside the other’s head, from day one. he resisted the urge to take a step back. his fists clenched before he brought them around, crossing his arms tightly. he didn’t want to look WEAK, and he tried to make his shoulders stand proudly as ever, with the same attitude with which he would have crossed his arms back when they were teens. but it was hard to, a lot more than he remembered, specially when his eyes kept hovering over blaine’s face, searching feverishly for some kind of answer. ‘just tell me, killer.’ he cut in, patience growing thin with blaine’s increasingly pathetic excuses. whatever it was, sebastian would FIX it. he’d try. he had nearly but blinded blaine once, what could be worse than that?
suddenly he felt a new wave of nausea. you were a mess. had he said something? but blaine had heard that from him, before, right? that wasn’t the first time sebastian would have drunkenly declared something to him. sure. he had made a promise. but blaine and him barely saw each other as it was nowadays, and he’d been out of his mind enough not to remember it the next day. surely he deserved some slack? it wasn’t like he’d intentionally disrespected blaine’s great love, or something. he bit his lips inside his mouth, before releasing them, and forcing his arms to unwind, rolling one shoulder, instead.
the answer made him stop. he stared at blaine, or rather, through blaine, as his eyes blanked and his mouth slackened. he’d kissed him. his lips tingled again like they’d been doing all morning, and then he GOT IT. for a moment there was relief. that was a lot better than any of the options he’d been considering. but then he looked up at blaine as he spoke again and his eyebrows pressed. he stared at him, but no matter for how long he did, he just couldn’t remember it. he breathed in. he knew it was stupid to ask, it was incredibly stupid, and even if the answer was something else, he also knew how probable it was that blaine would say NO, either way. and yet…
‘did you kiss me back?’ his heart skipped a beat. it was ridiculously corny to say so, but it did just as his whole body tightened. he looked at blaine and there was a plea in his green eyes. an open, unguarded for once, request, for the TRUTH. just that. nothing else blaine’s altruist brain might think would sound better.
Seeing Sebastian tensing as he waited for him to blurt out the answer the other so desperately wanted to hear–Blaine took a step back after he said it. Maybe he was overreacting in his hesitation to blurt it out. Maybe he was making the proverbial mountain out of a molehill. But the kiss wasn’t something so trivial to him as to brush it off. Because the kiss just happened to be from Sebastian. Who Blaine knew wouldn’t want to shirk off remembering that the two of them finally did that Sebastian was never quite able to hide his want for. Even in his best behavior times where he thought he was. There was always a longing in Sebastian’s eyes that Blaine could feel down to his very core. Hidden or not. And it always tugged on his heartstrings each time he turned away. The worst worry was something ingrained in him for a very long time. –Please don’t think I took advantage of you. I didn’t. I promise.–
Sebastian staring at him the way he was? Blaine almost thought he did and was ready to gush out whatever apology and denial of the fact before he was quickly escorted towards the door if that would happen. So often he could read Sebastian down to a ‘T’ but this was uncharted territory and he hated not being able to when he needed it most. “I didn’t take–,” he began to mumble. Under his breath at first like he had to test the waters of his explanation before dishing it out. The question cut his voice to silence and he bit his lip, eyes so hesitant as he read over Sebastian’s pleading stare. His heart leapt to his throat. Why was he so tense? Why was he begging him so hard?
His breathing turned shallow and he tucked his chin towards his collar–reading it all wrong and mucking things up in a way that was wholly his version of doing so. “Y-Yes,” the truth came out in a small and fractured, guilty whisper. “I kissed you back. I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have. You were drunk and I wasn’t. I knew what you were going to do. It was obvious it was about to happen and I..” A flashed sardonic smile of utter frustration bared clenched together teeth as his hand wrenched from the counter and rubbed the back of his neck.
He finally looked away, towards the counter and the window past the sink with an exasperated sigh. “I let it happen.” There. Sebastian had the truth. Not some story to soften the blow. Blaine couldn’t resist him with that stare. Much to the other’s disbelief–Sebastian had settled himself into more than one of Blaine’s weak spots over the years and he’d just struck the biggest one with the way he plead for the truth, the tone of his voice and that. damn. stare.
Seeing Blaine like that destroyed Sebastian. As much as he would try and keep face. As much as he’d have liked to have moved on already, every goddamn time he saw Blaine, or even got a text from him, it knocked the floor right off from under his feet. He had never seen Blaine this miserable. Not even after the whole slushie struggle, when Blaine was still mad at him, he hadn’t been this broken. And Sebastian was as lost as he was pained by it. He wanted to be the friend Blaine wanted and needed him to be right now, but it did make him struggle in a way he wasn’t prepared to. He wasn’t ready to feel this much at once, but he also couldn’t bring himself to tell Blaine ‘no’. He never had.
That was certainly why he didn’t think twice before kicking his one night stand out, and rushing back to comfort Blaine, appealing to all deities he’d never believed in, that he’d still be there when he got back downstairs. It didn’t matter how many bruises and scars he had after so many years of holding Blaine first, when the other boy had never shown interest in doing the same. One look at Blaine’s face, and any resolutions he might have taken, slipped away. Blaine came first. It had been that way from day one. It really shouldn’t surprise him any more. He sighed in relief when he came back from the kitchen and the boy was still there. He made his way to the couch, offering him the glass, and shifted on the ball of his feet, a little unsure for a moment. He didn’t know how close Blaine wanted to be to anyone right now, specially not him. Still, as he offered to get him something else, the beg came, and he nodded instead.
Sebastian moved to sit by his side again, and awkwardly placed a hand on his shoulder, giving a few taps to it. ‘Sure…’ He promised, studying Blaine’s red face with analytical eyes, wanting to make sure he’d be okay, or as okay as possible. It seemed like it’d take a while, from the amount of pain Sebastian could see in his eyes, and it made his tongue taste like copper in his mouth. ‘Just breathe, killer….’ he encouraged softly, wanting the other to say whatever he needed to, to spill it out and start getting his pieces back together. He felt a new pang in his stomach as he did, and it made him more bitter than he could tell, to say the words, but he did. ‘Maybe you should wait some and then call him…’ They were inseparable, right? Sebastian would know. ‘If this is what you really want…’ he stopped. As much as he cared for Blaine the words sounded fake even to his own ears, and besides, he heard a movement just then, that caught his eye, and he froze for a second. He lost the first part of Blaine’s apology, as he stared, or rather glared at his noisy fuck buddy that was just crossing the front of the living room, after making it downstairs, so he could leave. But he did hear the second part.
Sebastian blinked at him, refocusing, and breathed out, repeating to himself as usual that Blaine just said things like that because they were friends. He nodded. ‘You can always come to me.’ He shrugged. ‘I’m probably not the best adviser. But you can spill your guts, and I’ll usually have something strong to make things better.’ He tapped his shoulder again. ‘Wanna watch something? I can expand the couch. We could order something in.’ He offered. Sure it was a coward way out, to offer comfort food and movies, instead of listening more, or trying to talk, but he had never been good at the latter, specially not when he was in love with the boy who had just been heartbroken for someone else.
Feeling the couch budge with Sebastian’s weight as he sat beside him and the pat filled Blaine with such a simple relief that uniquely Sebastian’s to give. He appreciated it. Awkward as the contact felt for reasons he didn’t have the energy to question right now but might come back to later when he did with a question of why. One he already knew the answer to deep down but had to graze past repeatedly. The rabbit hole had been burrowing deeper and deeper for over a year now–another all his fault that he felt so out of control to face and deal with that he just didn’t. So much for courage when you take the coward’s way out of helping someone who loves you just not because you need that love selfish and sadistic as it is. And if you take that love away? It might take them with it because why would they stick around after?
Yes. There were layers of understanding Blaine had for Sebastian and what he should or shouldn’t do or want or say. All of which went out the window every time he laid eyes on him. Or heard his voice. It was unfair. It was cruel. Everything he never wanted to be and didn’t consider himself actually being. Except for .. him. Even then? A few pats and his body that’d been wound tight as a spring ready to bounce around the room and do some serious damage at the sheer velocity it ricocheted with began to relax and become less tense. Blaine took the bread crumbs of half-meant advice that Sebastian wasn’t the only one who noticed the insincerity of.
He opened his mouth to chip in that maybe he should. So far all his efforts were met with an understandable brick wall. No matter how heavy those bricks were every time his words were slammed against it. Crushing as it might be. He didn’t have the right to expect anything more or less from Kurt. Not after what he did. A noise coming from the hall halted what he was about to say. Blaine caught the sight of the guy a second after Sebastian. His mouth hung open as a heat blazed over his cheeks and burned all the way across his nose. “Sorry–I could’ve left.” Ignoring the way his throat closed up–Blaine noticed Sebastian segway past what both of them just saw with a seamless dismissal and stuttered to catch up to the speed. A clearing of his throat and he followed along.
Another leap, another turn past acknowledging something else. “You’re cutting yourself short. There’s a reason why I’m here.” Soon, he told himself, soon. Not now. I can’t lose you—. “Actually? Y-Yeah..,” he smiled..fake as it was..the effort had to count for something and hands brushing together as he stood up so they could set up the couch, “That sounds great.” At least the dawning realization he’d interrupted something much more inconveniencing than sleeping was enough to make him drop the other topic Sebastian was righteously at a loss on what to say about?
sebastian slept soundly through the night. better than he honestly had in months if he was being honest. blaine’s voice soothed him towards his dreams and even against his will, his battered body couldn’t help but relax completely under the spell of it.
the doctors had said he’d been lucky. as though there was anything lucky about a near punctured lung, three broken ribs, a dislocated shoulder and scrapped skin all over. he supposed in some sadist way, he was. it could have been worse. he had to at least appreciate the irony of his drunk driving not being the problem. he’d caught a cab, exactly so he’d be safe, as lydia kept telling him to be, and then his damn driver had decided to lose control and drive them straight to a street light post.
the driver, having been wearing his seat belt, was mostly fine. but sebastian had few face first into and straight through the wind shield. he remembered that. what he DIDN’T remember was the rest of it. not all at once, at least. there were bits and pieces. juggled memories. flashes of blaine’s honeyed eyes on him, and gloved hands grabbing his skin on places that HURT.
all that were confused thoughts in his head, as he laid, semi-awake, slowly gaining consciousness. it took him quite a few minutes to be able to even blink his eyes open. when he did, he glanced down at the pressure that was making his hand numb, only to find blaine’s face on it. sebastian moved it slowly, wincing at the pain, and the burns on his face when he flinched, sighing as his movement seemed to waken the other. he licked his lips as his eyes met blaine’s, and among everything he wanted to say, six words blurted out, instead.
❝does he know you’re here?’
Somehow during the night Blaine managed to shift himself around on the chair enough that with his shoes kicked off and his legs curled up underneath himself–he was able to rest his head down against the top of his hand and doze lightly. If Sebastian so much as moved–he’d snap awake. Or so he thought. In reality–once he finally closed his eyes? Sleep hit him like a ton of bricks and he didn’t notice anything about the uncomfortable chair or the sterile smell of the hospital he hated. Or the nurse checking in once then leaving them both be.
A few hours went by–maybe less? The flinch was enough to finally draw his eyes open. His head stayed put for a second–tilting just enough that he could look up at Sebastian and meet his eyes. God, his back was going to hate him when he righted himself. But Sebastian was far worse for wear than a grumpy spine and not much sleep.
Was it possible to feel worry and relief together? Because seeing Sebastian looking down at him–awake, save and alive filled him with a sense of one. While seeing how hurt he was and the memories that flooded in after it–panic, sheer panic when he realized who he was helping, Blaine was terrified–brought on the other. –He’s okay. That’s the point. He’s okay..–
Blaine knew exactly who that question was about and why Sebastian asked it. He just didn’t expect it to be the first thing to be said. Lifting his head and letting one leg shift to rest the back of his knee over the side of the opposite foot so it could hang over the chair–Blaine squirmed upright and settled into the corner of the chair. “Y-Yeah. He knows. He wanted to come down here but I told him not to.” Why and the rest could stay unspoken.
❛❛you’re lucky you look like that, or else i’d be morally obligated to toss you out for spreading such blasphemous things.’ he pointed out, when blaine said coffee wasn’t real food. he took another sip of his own mug making a fake grimace. ‘though you might have a point about THIS one. coffee without a shot doesn’t really live to its full potential.’ the words were witty and quick, but his voice was still rough with tiredness, though the dark, bitter liquid was doing its job on starting to wake him up from his daze. he was a lot more aware of blaine’s nervousness than he’d been a moment ago, for example, and he wasn’t sure if liked the change. he’d rather keep pretending blaine felt as comfortable as he did sharing breakfast with him, and bantering about nothing. it was nice pretending blaine enjoyed this as much as he did. but then again, that had been their relationship from the start, right? blaine too astonished to come back at him, and sebastian filling in the blanks.
‘you okay?’ he asked eventually, because blaine looked as though he might throw up in his coffee mug. and sebastian wasn’t sure if it was just the hangover or something worse. he glanced at blaine worriedly, eyes taking in the way blaine’s golden ones were staring at him. he actually stuttered, something sebastian hadn’t seen him do since their first few meets, when he’d laid on the boy all his best moves at once, hoping at least one of them would strike home. making blaine blushed and stuttery. he was also so quiet, sebastian leaned forward without noticing, as he tried to hear. blaine was really confusing him now. he had never seen him this serious before. not since the night they’d had a long conversation sebastian would rather not be reminded of, in which blaine made it very clear that kurt was the one he loved, always had, always would, and that if sebastian still wanted to be friends with him after everything, he had to respect that. and he had. no matter how much effort it took at times. he had.
he heard blaine’s words when he finally spoke, but sebastian hadn’t missed the hint of desolation in his eyes. he knew blaine. knew him too well to miss something like that. and blaine’s hushed, hollow, words fell on numb ears as sebastian looked at him intently as though trying to listen to what blaine REALLY wanted to say. he watched, slightly stupefied that blaine would just drop whatever it was like that. had sebastian hurt him? had he done something so bad blaine couldn’t bring himself to say it? he pushed the mug on the counter by his side and slid off of it. ‘we made a deal. you said i got a question. i want you to tell me what i really did last night.’ he said, firmly.
Did he stare too long? See? That was the problem. Giving himself away enough to cause Sebastian concern and for him to ask a question that Blaine was hoping he’d never have to answer was NOT what he wanted. Damn it. Out of the two of them? He was going to be the only one who ever remembered what happened inside the cab. Sebastian wouldn’t have to not think about it. Or be the one who had to go through a few weeks wondering how to avoid eye contact while not avoiding it too much and definitely not letting his gaze stray towards someone’s mouth. Maybe longer. Depending on how much time it took for Blaine to get that process down. His wobbly jokes and quick pounces on whatever subject from breakfast to eclairs to coffee were going to be a defense that only HE had to figure out. It sucked being the only person who could look back onto the previous twelve hours and not know what it was like.
For the better? Yeah. But there was a part of him that wished he wouldn’t be alone in something so…important.
Blaine’s jawline flinched back teeth grinding together like he had to chew a bitter pill up before swallowing it. He was being absolutely ridiculous. How greedy could he get? Seeing Sebastian slide down to the floor from the corner of his eye–Blaine sat the carafe back down on the countertop and instinctively glanced up at the tone in the other’s voice. His mouth opened, small noises and sharp exhales. “I just told you–” A crooked smile staggered from barely there to so wide it made his cheeks puffy when his eyes rolled in mock exasperation. Blaine was actually considering lying again and giving himself dead away.
“You–you were a mess,” his hand blindly reached for the counter behind him and he held onto it backing up until his hip bounced off it. The other palm lifted from his side and waved to correct the word. “Drunk. I mean. Not an actual mess.” The longer he watched Sebastian–the harder it was to keep up with such a blatant zigzag. One that was all for nothing when he blurted out. “I mean–I got you into the cab and you were laughing and having a great time and we talked and youkissedme.” Dead silence. The kind that comes crashing down loud as thunder when you catch yourself a heartbeat too late and then your heart stops beating altogether. Blaine’s froze, only blinking at him. His lips puckered, the edge of two front teeth gripped the inside corner of both. He screwed up. That wasn’t supposed to come out. Yet. There it was.
“I didn’t think you’d forget. I just realized you did.”
( mssg » wrong # | sent ) Hey, Santana. I need your help. My Dad is getting really angry with me. I won’t tell him who did it. He’s jumped to the conclusion that, yet again, public schools and a gay son who isn’t in the closet aren’t going to work. He thinks I got slushied by one of the kids at McKinley. I’m not correcting him. ( mssg » wrong # | sent ) He probably just wants someone to sue for the medical bills anyway. ( mssg » wrong # | sent ) I haven’t told Kurt but he’s threatening to make me to back to Dalton. I don’t have the nerve to tell him that going back to Dalton isn’t the answer. Obviously. You need to help me come up with a reason why without throwing them under the bus. I know you’d like nothing more than for me to do that but I can’t.
Blaine couldn’t believe how this happened. That an accident right as he left the shop would end with him rushing forward to help (of course he did, that’s how he worked) and seeing it was Sebastian in the back of the cab. Did FATE seriously have to go to that extreme? Okay– of not fate. Maybe luck or–in Sebastian’s case–unluck? Who knew? What mattered was that he was here and not leaving. Not until Sebastian was released from the hospital and he got to be the one to take him home.
He was determined to stay put. Sitting in the chair watching Sebastian with a look of worry that no feigned reassurance could completely wipe off. Crinkled brows could flatten or perk up. Only to jam back together at the slightest wince or movement. Hands were flattened out, fingers laced tight and pressed against his belly. Would soon start to wring together no matter how hard he focused on them not to.
Singing was easy enough. A simple way to comfort Sebastian and–in turn–ease his own nerves. His chair inched forward as the first few notes were hummed out, actual words following when Sebastian told him to go home. His heart squeezed hard but he shook his head, close enough as Sebastian drifted off Blaine’s fingertips rested on top of the other’s hand. Temple pressed to the edge of a hospital bed, he continued with random songs until just before dawn, golden hazel eyes began to grow heavy. The hum returned briefly before the quiet sound of his breathing was all that was left.
pianokeysandbowties 