“That’s not the same and you know that. Seeing you every few months at competition isn’t the same as being able to walk to your locker to find you, and we’re still not going to let this happen without any questions.”
“We want what you want, Blaine. Everybody only wants you to be happy – but nobody gets why this is what it’s going to take. Everything seemed so fine a few weeks ago, what changed? What can we do – what will change your mind?”
“I’ll see you more than competitions. I promise. I know it’s not the same but–. It’ll work. You guys are my friends family. Family doesn’t end with one of us being,” and the more he was trying to sway her to believe that distance between him and the people he loved at McKinley wouldn’t matter?
The more Blaine’s voice took on less of a reassuring tone and shifted towards a PLEADING one. Because–promises like the ones he was making just didn’t work. Did they?
He bounced on his heels–trying to hold in the outburst that he felt was on the tip of his tongue. Brows pinched together as he pressed his lips and forced himself to swallow what he really wanted to say. Instead, he coughed up a weak excuse for a response. “Everything’s changed, Marley. That’s the point. None of you guys see that and I don’t expect you to understand. I wish I could make you but I can’t. I–Nothing will change my mind. I’m SO sorry.”
“You guys are great. You always have been, Marley. Each one of you has a little bit of magic inside that creates what we do. This group make it through without me. I promise. Don’t cut yourselves short, okay? It’s not like I’m gone-gone. I’m just a couple of hours away and we can visit all the time? Oh! And competitions! W-We’ll see each other there, too!”
“Listen. I really appreciate what you’re trying to do. But I can’t be here anymore. I’m sorry.”
He was still clearly flustered, and she couldn’t tell if it was because she was asking the hard-hitting questions or because he was unsure of the answers he was giving. She hoped it was the former, because if he was unsure and he was still going to NYADA, then it could turn out horribly. “You know, you’re kind of reminding me of Leslie Knope when she’s trying to lie to Ron about sleeping with Ben,” she mused, smiling awkwardly. “If this is really what you want, then I think that’s great, Blaine. NYADA is an amazing school, and I’m sure you’ll do really well.”
“Oh God I do–don’t I? Sorry–just–sorry.” Marley calling him out on how he wasn’t quite making eye contact while stuttering for the proper way to word himself on something he was so–scared–of messing up to the point of freaking himself or worrying that this was going to be a huge disaster–was justified. Pretty much. What was he doing? What was he going to New York City to re-build when he wasn’t sure of the foundation he was building it on? He just had to circle back and tell himself he knew that this was right and everything would work out. If he could just shut out the nagging voice dooming him and his chance before it began. “You know? It is and I hope I do?” Tossing on his best reassuring smile and forcing the excitement that made his toes wiggle in his shoes back out of the clouds that doubt hid it behind–Blaine stepped into pulling her into a hug whispering over her shoulder as he held tight. “And thanks for caring about me enough to question my reasons. I appreciate it.”
She remained silent, her eyes on him as her head bowed slightly in that way she did when she was unsure of something. “So you wanted to go to NYADA to begin with?” she asked, wanting to make sure she understood what was going on. “You don’t really sound so sure, Blaine,” she pointed out. “If you’re doing this for you, so you can get a good education at an amazing school, then that’s great. I’m 100% supportive of that. But if this is for you to somehow get back with Kurt, I don’t think it’s a smart idea.”
“Of course,” Blaine was quick to correct her bringing up both hands to show he didn’t mean to be as rushed or brash as he might come off. “NYADA is the best school–one of them–in the country for someone who wants-,” he tripped and fumbled in his rush to turn their conversation away from the idea he was doing this all for Kurt. So fast that he didn’t finish his opening argument before contradicting himself. “What makes you think this is only–No. I mean no. I started convincing myself that maybe I wouldn’t go there because it would be too awkward. Too weird and it might hurt too much but things are different. Better,” he met her eyes. “A lot better. Who knows what might happen but if I stand a chance at getting–,” his lips rolled between his teeth and he smiled in a fluster, “getting–onto Broadway–NYADA is the place to be.”
“I really doubt you need more,” she assured him, laughing a bit more. She remained smiling, waiting for him to tell her, but when he did, her smile fell a bit. “NYADA? As in where Kurt goes?” she asked, raising her eyebrows. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, what happened to your plan to go to NYU?”
Good to know his jitters were justified? “Y-yeah. NYADA,” he pinched the inside corner of his bottom lip with his teeth, bowed his head and tried to explain. “We talked about it. Kurt’s fine. Happy even. I think. Wait. No. He is. I–NYU was a backup in case he wouldn’t be?” All he knew was that he wanted to be near him. Blaine was desperate for the chance to make things right and he’d take breadcrumbs from Kurt if they lead him to a place where it was a possibility. Having some tossed his way only renewed his sense of urgency to keep them coming. Whatever it took? He’d gladly do it. Plus? It was NYADA. A dream school for every one of them. How could he not want to go there?
“It was a little messy. Maybe you should try to lay off the coffee,” she joked, laughing softly. “So what’s the decision?”
“Thank you for being honest,” he grinned waving off the thought with a stuttering laugh, “I think I need more.” She wanted an answer. Blaine only smiled wider trying not to sound the least bit nervous or doubtful in spite of Kurt’s promise that him going there wouldn’t be weird. “NYADA. I applied two weeks ago. Super excited.” –Please don’t ask what I think you’re going to ask.–
“So have you decided where you’re going to go for college?”
“Um–Yeah. Of course! It got complicated but–I think we–I–have it figured out. That answer was a mess. I’m sorry. Apparently my caffeine levels are WAY off today.”
“Look, I’m sorry Blaine. I screwed things up big time I know but I want to make this right. Tell me what I can do to fix this”
“Stop apologizing, Marley. What you need to do to ‘make things right’ is to start taking care of yourself. I’m worried about you. We all are. Somethings off. More than blacking out. Isn’t there? You know you have people you can rely on? You just have to trust us first. Or me. Or–listen–whatever you need. I’m here. Okay?”
pianokeysandbowties 