Tag: p: kurt (archived)

kurt. 

[text]: You’re stuck there?!?
[text]: God dammit. Wait outside. I’ll call a taxi or something to come get you.
[text]: Keep talking to me so I don’t worry.

( mssg » kurt | sent ) well Not so muchas stcuk. More the rexst of the WArblers are still drinkign and the DD is probably doing someone that coudl get the guy he’s with arrested. so i’ll be here for a while.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) God my typing is horrible.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) I’m no t waiting outside and don’t call a cab i can do that if i need to. Got to keep an eye on the guys.  seriously  i’m fine. no reason to worry about me. i jsut missed you it’s not like i don’t do that a lot.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) It’s sweet htat you would though.

Open!

kurt.

“I miss you, every minute of every day. I know that I screwed things up really badly and I’m sorry. I know what I lost and I know that I can’t be without you. I need you. I don’t want to be this jerk anymore and you are the only one that can make me a better person. A good person.”

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“You are a good person.  I don’t want to be without you either.  I hate this.  I miss you too, Kurt. That’s the point.  I have been missing you. Even when you’re right beside me–you’re not really there.  Half the time I wonder if you’ll clue into what’s happening. That’s the easy part to deal with.  The idea that you don’t realize it because you’re too busy, stressed, whatever. Because the other option?  You do know what you’re doing and you’re trying to push me away? It’s not so easy to think about because it feels like it’s working and I’m so scared that that’s the case.”

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kurt.

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Kurt nodded along and followed beside him. Out of all the things that could make him nervous though, hand-holding was hardly on the list anymore.  It felt normal by now.  And looking around was also a nice distraction though.  The house was gorgeous. Kurt would never get tired of these big houses. He remembered some of the summer vacations to his mother’s side of the family even after she died, staying at his aunt and uncle’s house, singing upon request for them, pretending he didn’t know that she was glaring at Burt every time she saw him for whatever reason. Those were the days.  It had been a few years since the last visit though.

Kurt took a seat on one of the stools and leaned on his elbows on the counter.  "Me? You’re the night owl here. I slept just fine thank you.“ He chuckled lightly.  “Coffee would be great.”  He glanced around the room with a small smile on his face still.  “I need to come over here more often, it’s beautiful.”

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“Thanks.  It’s home–quiet–but..anyway!  I know I’m the night owl,” Blaine tipped the bottle of chocolate syrup he grabbed from the cabinet in Kurt’s direction to get his point across via container of sugary-goodness, “but you’re the one that said Finn’s video games were keeping you up.  I know what sleep deprived Kurt Hummel’s like.”  Winking to show he was kidding–sort of because a sleep deprived grumpy Kurt could be frightening until he woke up enough to snap out of it or had a high enough caffeine buzz to get him into better spirits–Blaine turned back to making Kurt is very own Anderson Cafe non-fat mocha.  “You’re going to throw his controller out the window and break his heart that he can’t finish up his last round of Call of Duty.”

Swirling a spoon inside the concoction until it was blended to his satisfaction–Blaine shrugged and fixed his own less fancy drink keeping his pointer finger away from the rest for a devilishly secret reason.  “Coop used to keep me up with reruns of crime shows when he was going through his serious line delivery phase because apparently their puns require a certain level of Master Finesse to deliver.  I swear I’ve seen or heard almost every episode of Law and Order slash whatever city they decided to stage it in that season at least twice.”  Returning back to Kurt’s perch on the counter stool, their coffees were sat side by side and presented with a wave of his hand above the coils of steam.  “Your coffee.”  That extended pointer revealed it’s secret weapon.  A dab of syrup that dripped on the edge of his finger was dotted on the tip of Kurt’s nose causing Blaine to erupt in a mischievous laugh.  “I’m sorry–okay I’m not. Uh–boop?”

Out Of Luck

kurt.

When Blaine didn’t fight him, it was relief. But soon he was melting against Kurt and he missed it so much- missed how easy to was to be wrapped around Blaine. He held him close and hoped placing his cold hand on the back of Blaine’s neck wasn’t uncomfortable. Despite the tears and the strong emotion in the room it felt like a brief peace to Kurt until Blaine spoke.

Not for one second had he thought he could cause this. Hell, even before Oliver he always assumed he would be more damaged if they ever broke up. But here he was, guilty and honestly scared by his own effect. How did this happen? How did any of it happen? Nothing went how he thought it would, how it should have gone, instead he wound up here. He wished it was enough. No ‘I didn’t want this’ was going to make either of them feel better though.

Kurt did not speak. He unknowingly swayed them both just slightly, playing with Blaine’s hair, and not making a sound. Some unmeasured time passed – he guessed it wasn’t actually more than a few minutes, but it felt like so long – before he dared try to speak, but when he did he was steady. Emotion conveyed in his voice, but still calm all the same, similar to defeat he supposed.
“We can make this ok, Blaine. We can.” And they would. Eventually, it would be ok. He would not leave Ohio without making it right on some level.

Blaine seemed to not notice the chill of Kurt’s touch.  Or if he did?  He didn’t react to it in a negative way.  No pulling back, sharp breaths or flinching at the contrast of the heat radiating off his skin verses the cool of Kurt’s.  How could he shrug away or feel anything but the touch he was internally screaming to have for what felt like an agonizing forever?  The bridge of his nose only fit tighter against Kurt’s neck as desperate arms closed tight around Kurt’s shoulders.

He’d begged Kurt to let them make it okay.  Took his heart and wore it on his sleeve for Kurt to see he meant every word.  Like he didn’t know that already.  There wasn’t anything else he could do.  Was there?  It didn’t stop his mind from being a storm of confusion and despairing racking as he tried to figure out if there was and what it could be. Calm only came as Kurt began to sway them.  The motion of their rocking and Kurt’s arms were soothing when what answer he could be waiting for could possibly be anything but.  His weight rested more heavily against the familiarity of Kurt’s chest.  Lungs heaved in a breath and then deflated to a normal pattern instead of panicked and shallow.  Kurt had to feel this too. Didn’t he?  That this was home and without it nothing seemed to fit right.  Relief flooded in so fast that it was dizzying.  “Promise?”

They could?  Kurt said so and Blaine–in spite of the lies and him leaving–believed him.  Why? Because he was Kurt and Blaine might be foolish but he was just so done not having anything solid to hold onto when it came to the man he loved that he’d take the promise and hang onto it because it was all he needed–for now.  Lifting his head up–Blaine met those eyes bending his elbows between their bodies to cup Kurt’s cheeks.
Without considering any other outcome–he kissed him for the first time in so long that it felt like the very first.  But every time did for him and maybe that was his first mistake.  From now on? He’d just kiss him like it was the last time instead.  His heart clenched in his chest and a soft sigh touched Kurt’s lips–Blaine’s lingering dangerously close as he whispered, “Thank you.”

kurt.

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Kurt got ready bright and early in the morning.  Shower, skin care, dress – grey button up, purple jeans–no, light blue jeans, grey chukkas, black coat?- No again, cream jacket, light colors were fitting for a pleasant morning/afternoon – and style hair.  It was over an hour of a drive to get to Blaine’s so after his first cup(and a half) of coffee he went ahead and left with a quick explanation to his parents in the kitchen as to why he was going anywhere without eating first.

He was a little nervous, admittedly, which was completely his own fault.  He needed to stop calling Blaine his crush in his head.  Brunch alone with your best friend was a lot simpler than brunch with your crush who was cooking for you.  Yikes.  He shook his head clear with Madonna in the car.  There was a bounce in his step when he arrived and made his way up to the front door.  He smiled brightly when the door was opened.  “Thank you sir,”  He said lightly as he slid off his jacket.

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“You’re welcome, sir,” Blaine broadly grinned adding an elegant dip into a polite bow made playful by the undying twinkle in his eyes.  He carefully took the jacket and hung it in a nearby coat closet knowing how picky Kurt could be with how his clothes were handled depending on their price tags, labels, fabrics and whatever other combination of requirements factored into their care.  Best not to make any mistakes until he figured out what that method was, yeah?  “I see you made it okay?  Hope the drive wasn’t that horrible.  Come on.  Let me show you around.  Past–you know–the entrance.  As nice as it is,” his thumb jutted over his shoulder in the direction of the hallway, “The food’s that way.”

Like it was the most natural thing in the world to do by now–he took Kurt’s hand smoothing his thumb over the knuckles he could reach and lead him out of the wide open foyer with it’s beams of sunlight coming through the stained glass above the door and surrounding the windows down the hall littered with family portraits. “Bathroom’s there and–,” the amber light in the hall became more natural until it was sunlight beaming in through large windows.  “The kitchen,” Kurt’s hand was released from his gentle hold and he wriggled his fingers towards a row of bleached wood counterstools.  “Have a seat.  Everything’s about done.  Can I get you anything to drink? Coffee?  Orange juice?  Then fill me in on if you got any sleep.  Which you better have.”

@angelfacedhummel (will delete tag later)

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Click. Click.  Snap.  Click. Click.

“Oh, what’s the matter with the crowd I’m seeing?  Don’t you know that their out of touch?  Well, should I try to be a straight-A student?  If you are then you think too much,” Blaine sang from the front of the stove tossing his spatula in the air between each tap of his loafer against the stone floor.  Flipping eggs like a pro much, Anderson?  Why yes–yes he was.  “Don’t you know about the new fashion, honey?  All you need are looks and a whole lotta money.”  A little dash of salt and a sprinkle of pepper.  Damn right!  This was an amazing creation!  Breakfast fit for two kings!  Or two starving Warblers on their weekend off.  Most importantly?  He wanted to impress his pending company with some serious cooking skills.

“It’s the next phase, new wave, dance craze, anyways.  It’s still rock and roll to me!”   Cooked to perfection–the eggs hit their plates with a deft scoop, scoop and a cheeky grin when he heard a knock.  His pan hit the sink with a pop and a fizz so he could snatch a red and white checkered towel from the counter to clean off his hands on the way to answer. Excitement sped up his steps through the house.  Jogging.  He was jogging.  Blaine tossed the towel over his shoulder–slid a foot or so the rest of the way–grabbed the doorhandle and greeted Kurt with an elated smile. “Kurt!  Hey!  You made it just as I was finishing up. Come in, come in,” he batted past his side and stepped back to let Kurt into the foyer.  “Can I take your coat?”

Out Of Luck

kurt.

While he was gone it was a vague feeling, mixed up with the ones of his friends and family.  He wondered about Lima as a whole then, and thank god for that if that is what let him avoid this.  Kurt tried to find words for a minute before it came out, quiet but steadier than he would have thought it would be.  He shrugged his shoulders and sighed.  “I don’t know..  I don’t know what else I expected to happen.“  He’s sure at this point that he had to have been in denial that this was a possibility.  The toll taken on Blaine was a possible outcome from the start that he swept under the rug in disbelief.

As Blaine continued, Kurt lost his voice.  ‘What we’ve been through’, that felt so small now.  With everything he did with Oliver, finding out what he was, and especially now, what were a few little rough patches in a high school relationship?  Those experiences, the ones that mattered so much before, they were almost nothing now. He had been through as close to hell as he could get without losing his family. It were the good times that he remembered when thinking back.  Not the drama or difficulties of his relationships.

He couldn’t do this when Blaine let his head hang. Kurt stepped close and wrapped his arms around the other. It didn’t matter if he was shoved away or if he got to stay here, as he embraced his last love he breathed the words, “You didn’t. None of this is your fault.” And dear god he hopes he can show him that. Blaine was the last person to be blamed. The closest thing to contributing he did was trust Kurt when he lied.

He didn’t move-didn’t budge from his spot.  Fingers pressed into the hollows of his eyes as if his hands in front of his face were a wall that he was able to hide behind so Kurt wouldn’t see him breaking down.  It’d been weeks since he let anyone see him cry.  He was so done being everyone else’s cause for concern that he kept his eyes dry and his smile and voice perfectly in place and pitch so everyone would stop asking if he was okay and worrying so deep that he wasn’t.  But this?  This was too much and all he’d been holding back came crashing down on shaking shoulders that he couldn’t hold up or still anymore.

Just when he thought he couldn’t feel more empty but aching–in love but broken and hating himself for it–with Kurt but so alone–a pair of arms wrapped around him and pulled him in.  He’d hid so deep that he didn’t hear Kurt approaching.  Didn’t sense him there until he was holding him and Blaine moved his arms up from where they were bent between them to wrap both around Kurt’s shoulders as he dissolved against him.  He–at last–found his safe place. The one that was his go-to always.

Buried into the slope of Kurt’s neck where the world faded to nothing but black, the smell of Kurt’s skin and shampoo–Blaine stopped being the strong one.  Maybe for just a couple of seconds until he could gather up the willpower to be it again.  Until then–Kurt was the rock he needed to lean on for months now. Just to have him safe enough to be that.  “Please love me back. I need you,” he whispered against Kurt’s throat noticing it was damp with his tears, “Please tell me you still need me too.  We can be okay if we just love each other.  We can make this okay..”

kurt.

[text|Blaine]:  Probably for the best.
[text|Blaine]:  I think I’m going to head to bed
[text|Blaine]:  You should too :p

( mssg » kurt | sent ) On that note?  I think you’re right.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) I’ll see you in the morning, Kurt.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Text or call when you’re on your way so I know when to start cooking.
( mssg » kurt | sent )

Looking forward to seeing you.  Big time. 🙂

kurt.

[text|Blaine]:  Don’t worry
[text|Blaine]:  Aren’t we getting fancy
[text|Blaine]:  Um…  
[text|Blaine]:  Haha, want to re-word that?

( mssg » kurt | sent ) I’m so sorry.  Wow.
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Let’s pretend I didn’t just have an ‘open mouth–insert shoe’ moment?
( mssg » kurt | sent ) Please?  Just this once.