Tag: long post

are you okay?

Never in his life has he felt more like a cliche.  He might not have even seen such a cliche before, and that was saying something.  But here he was, soaking wet from the rain, his skin decorated in bruises and scrapes that were still getting darker.  He’s been kicked all to hell and fought just as hard, but in the end he lost and now just looked like some junkie wishing he could find a place to stay dry long enough to light a cigarette.  He’s not even sure if he has an addiction, but he uses regularly enough to fit the bill of this particular scene and that’s what counted.  What fun.  More importantly, he couldn’t go home and be seen like this.  Under normal circumstances – normal usually being coming down from whatever he used or more rarely drank, and/or having successfully left with and ditched some sad stranger – he could just slip in through his window and be perfectly fine in the morning.  This wasn’t like that though. It wasn’t even one of his late night escapades. The day was peaceful and sober and there was always less temptation to do things he shouldn’t. It was after eight or nine he’s pretty sure because of his timing on going home and when he was grabbed but after that…
He knew there might be some trouble when he started hanging around that guy, he just didn’t think it would end up like this. Kurt wound up on his bad side for a few days without anything but some glares sent his way until now.
He’s pretty sure that he’s in shock, honestly.  Bits and pieces of the evening were coming back in waves while others escaped him entirely.  For the time being he had to hope his autopilot would just let him walk aimlessly and thank god that it was only drizzling now.

Blaine held out inside the small cafe he’d met Trent at with hope that the rain would die off so he could make a dash to his car without getting soaked to the bone.  A half an hour later? So much for a weekend trip to Lima so he could spend the weekend with his aunt and uncle –and simultaneously brainstorm ideas for Regionals after talking them into letting Trent spend the entire weekend there– ending on a good note.  If he wanted to get home in any timeframe before midnight–he had to go now.
Groaning, he cursed the fact that he forgot to bring an umbrella.  Desperate times calling for desperate measures. He bought a paper to use as a makeshift umbrella.  Sure the idea was dumb possibly.  He knew going into it that a pressed together pile of papers was only going to delay the inevitable.  Stepping out at the first sign of the rain lightening up a bit with his poor attempt at cover instantly sagging overhead–the Warbler started jogging the two blocks between him and his car, keys poised in hand with his thumb on the fob.  Splashing noises came up from his loafers squishing bare feet inside grossly against the soles.  Oh that just felt awful!  His nose crinkled at a particularly loud smoosh! that he swore he could feel up both legs.
The rain let up to a drizzle but his soggy newspaper had yet to be lowered when he caught sight of a vaguely familiar person wandering towards him.  It brought him to a stop–head cocked to the side and a puzzled expression burrowed his brows as he tried to connect the dots.  A snide comment about Dalton Boys popped into his memory.  The Lima Bean and a boy who caught his attention first by his look and then had him baffled by what came out of his mouth. Kurt? Yes.  Kurt.  What was he doing in the rain?  The closer he got, however? Blaine’s confused smile turned into a concerned frown as he noticed the state he was in.  Then it hit the bottom of his shoes once he got a good look.  “Um–Kurt,” he asked letting the paper and his arm fall to his side.  “Kurt–is that–Hey do you need help?”  

Kidnapped! ⋈ Blunter

clarington-the-hunt:

Sebastian was going in for the kill, he was going to nibble on Blaine’s earlobe when Blaine practically leaped out of the car like a frightened gazelle. He chewed on his lips and tried to stifle a laugh when Blaine almost fell. He felt a little bad but it was pretty funny. “Are you okay, killer?” Sebastian asked. He knew Blaine wouldn’t be upset with his chuckling, Blaine knew him very well. “You almost fell..” He stopped when Blaine started to walk away. When Blaine jumped out he had hoped that Blaine jumped from pleasure and that that he was finally going to have Blaine beneath him. “Uhh yea.. text me..” He stared at Blaine, watching him walk away and he hoped that he didn’t ruin his relationship with him. Blaine was tempting but he would rather have him as a friend. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. He’d talk to Blaine later, he had an itch to scratch and he knew that Hunter will be more than willing to lend him a hand or two. 

It had been two days since he last seen or spoken with Blaine and had it been another guy the silence wouldn’t have affected Sebastian, but this was Blaine and he was different, as much as he hated to admit it.  He walked out of his and Hunter’s dorm room with his face stuck on his cell phone. 

Sebastian: Hey Killer, how’s it hanging, babe? 😉

He hoped Blaine would see in the simple humorous text just how much he missed him. 

In those two days–Blaine was doing his best to put the entire situation behind him.  However? There was something gnawing at the pit of his stomach about it that made his efforts increasingly difficult.  The Warblers he encountered inside the common room weren’t the Warblers he knew when he left Dalton.  They never would have gone to the lengths that they did in getting him to come there to listen to their “leader” pitch a “return to Dalton” talk that started out with–no easier way of putting it–kidnapping him from the locker room via knocking him out.  What was going on there?  He’d like to say that Hunter was the absolute common denominator in the problem but their change began before he got there.  If Sebastian didn’t put the rock salt in the slushie that almost blinded him?  Someone had to.  An idea that he couldn’t just blame one person who sure as heck seemed like he deserved it left Blaine sleepless for two nights in a row.  A text message to Trent came back with an agreement to meet later that week. Why didn’t he contact Sebastian?

Those reasons ran deeper and were several of many that ended up in a toss or turn under his covers til dawn came.  Could he even trust his friend anymore? Of all the people to protest and stand apart from the rest?  Blaine expected Sebastian to be that.  Turns out—maybe not. Putting what happened in the car aside?  Maybe he needed a clearer head before talking to him.  Kurt was out of the question and Blaine had no one to blame than himself for that.  God–not being able to reach out to the one person he would have in a heartbeat just made everything worse.  No, he’d deal with Trent.

His phone went off between classes–telling him he had a message waiting for him.  His tongue dug against his lip and pulled it between his teeth when he read the name and the message. Sighing softly, he took a breath and texted back.

( mssg » sebastian smythe | sent ) Tiredly?  How’re you?  🙂

℧ if that’s okay?

SEND ME ℧ FOR ME TO GENERATE A SCENARIO FOR OUR MUSES
Sugar is cornered by a bully, but Blaine comes to the rescue. @sucrosemotta

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No matter where you go–far as the public school system, apparently–one common thread always remained the same.  There was always some overbearing, self hating, ignorant jerk who lived for making the lives of everyone around them more horrible than the one they lived. Just to make themselves feel better.  McKinley was no different.  Hell, he knew that coming here.  The school that let Kurt be put through his personal hell before his parents had to step in and do something about it no sooner started to feel like it changed and could be better–feel like home even–than he happened upon this.

Blaine blanched at the coppery taste of panic in the back of his mouth as he took the corner and saw one of the stereotypical jerks in his natural habitat.  Known as?  Up in the face of someone who wouldn’t be able to physically defend themselves if their life depended on it.  Tiny Sugar backed into a corner.  An ape in a letterman jacket towering over with his hand out was obviously waiting for money to be put in it.  He could barely see more than her fluffy sweater and the top of her head before his bag hit the floor. Even if his insides screamed in anxiety and his brain decided to play his worst enemy and put him in her shoes so vividly he could see it–Blaine charged forward.  “Hey!  I said hey!  Get the hell off her!”  A huge hand jutted back intending to knock him backwards but Blaine caught the jerk’s massive wrist instead. Half shocked, half proud–he blinked and felt a swell of pride steel his already unbreakable resolve. Sugar was forgotten and the sneering mouthed / hard set jowled boy pivoted around to glare down at him.  “What?  Didn’t expect anyone to have enough nerve to step in? Thankfully some of us are real men who think backing someone into a corner is a wee bit on the–”

That happened–fast.  Blaine felt his serious error of judgement when he defied gravity and went sailing backwards with his head cracking off a locker.  But unlike some who might’ve been stunned motionless, the much shorter crooner was back on his feet and a fire blazed in hazel eyes as he charged forward to the thunderous noise of Coach Beiste yelling out, “THAT’LL BE ENOUGH, boys!”   Her fist latched onto Blaine’s collar while the jock spat something about later and stalked off.  Hanging from the Coach’s grip, Blaine’s head sagged forward and his gaze met Sugar’s while he talked to the teacher that had him in a vice hold.  “I thought this school was trying to put a stop to this stuff happening?”  And could she seriously let his feet touch the ground more firmly?  His head hurt and this was getting embarrassing.

kurt.

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Kurt nodded along and followed beside him. Out of all the things that could make him nervous though, hand-holding was hardly on the list anymore.  It felt normal by now.  And looking around was also a nice distraction though.  The house was gorgeous. Kurt would never get tired of these big houses. He remembered some of the summer vacations to his mother’s side of the family even after she died, staying at his aunt and uncle’s house, singing upon request for them, pretending he didn’t know that she was glaring at Burt every time she saw him for whatever reason. Those were the days.  It had been a few years since the last visit though.

Kurt took a seat on one of the stools and leaned on his elbows on the counter.  "Me? You’re the night owl here. I slept just fine thank you.“ He chuckled lightly.  “Coffee would be great.”  He glanced around the room with a small smile on his face still.  “I need to come over here more often, it’s beautiful.”

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“Thanks.  It’s home–quiet–but..anyway!  I know I’m the night owl,” Blaine tipped the bottle of chocolate syrup he grabbed from the cabinet in Kurt’s direction to get his point across via container of sugary-goodness, “but you’re the one that said Finn’s video games were keeping you up.  I know what sleep deprived Kurt Hummel’s like.”  Winking to show he was kidding–sort of because a sleep deprived grumpy Kurt could be frightening until he woke up enough to snap out of it or had a high enough caffeine buzz to get him into better spirits–Blaine turned back to making Kurt is very own Anderson Cafe non-fat mocha.  “You’re going to throw his controller out the window and break his heart that he can’t finish up his last round of Call of Duty.”

Swirling a spoon inside the concoction until it was blended to his satisfaction–Blaine shrugged and fixed his own less fancy drink keeping his pointer finger away from the rest for a devilishly secret reason.  “Coop used to keep me up with reruns of crime shows when he was going through his serious line delivery phase because apparently their puns require a certain level of Master Finesse to deliver.  I swear I’ve seen or heard almost every episode of Law and Order slash whatever city they decided to stage it in that season at least twice.”  Returning back to Kurt’s perch on the counter stool, their coffees were sat side by side and presented with a wave of his hand above the coils of steam.  “Your coffee.”  That extended pointer revealed it’s secret weapon.  A dab of syrup that dripped on the edge of his finger was dotted on the tip of Kurt’s nose causing Blaine to erupt in a mischievous laugh.  “I’m sorry–okay I’m not. Uh–boop?”

Out Of Luck

kurt.

When Blaine didn’t fight him, it was relief. But soon he was melting against Kurt and he missed it so much- missed how easy to was to be wrapped around Blaine. He held him close and hoped placing his cold hand on the back of Blaine’s neck wasn’t uncomfortable. Despite the tears and the strong emotion in the room it felt like a brief peace to Kurt until Blaine spoke.

Not for one second had he thought he could cause this. Hell, even before Oliver he always assumed he would be more damaged if they ever broke up. But here he was, guilty and honestly scared by his own effect. How did this happen? How did any of it happen? Nothing went how he thought it would, how it should have gone, instead he wound up here. He wished it was enough. No ‘I didn’t want this’ was going to make either of them feel better though.

Kurt did not speak. He unknowingly swayed them both just slightly, playing with Blaine’s hair, and not making a sound. Some unmeasured time passed – he guessed it wasn’t actually more than a few minutes, but it felt like so long – before he dared try to speak, but when he did he was steady. Emotion conveyed in his voice, but still calm all the same, similar to defeat he supposed.
“We can make this ok, Blaine. We can.” And they would. Eventually, it would be ok. He would not leave Ohio without making it right on some level.

Blaine seemed to not notice the chill of Kurt’s touch.  Or if he did?  He didn’t react to it in a negative way.  No pulling back, sharp breaths or flinching at the contrast of the heat radiating off his skin verses the cool of Kurt’s.  How could he shrug away or feel anything but the touch he was internally screaming to have for what felt like an agonizing forever?  The bridge of his nose only fit tighter against Kurt’s neck as desperate arms closed tight around Kurt’s shoulders.

He’d begged Kurt to let them make it okay.  Took his heart and wore it on his sleeve for Kurt to see he meant every word.  Like he didn’t know that already.  There wasn’t anything else he could do.  Was there?  It didn’t stop his mind from being a storm of confusion and despairing racking as he tried to figure out if there was and what it could be. Calm only came as Kurt began to sway them.  The motion of their rocking and Kurt’s arms were soothing when what answer he could be waiting for could possibly be anything but.  His weight rested more heavily against the familiarity of Kurt’s chest.  Lungs heaved in a breath and then deflated to a normal pattern instead of panicked and shallow.  Kurt had to feel this too. Didn’t he?  That this was home and without it nothing seemed to fit right.  Relief flooded in so fast that it was dizzying.  “Promise?”

They could?  Kurt said so and Blaine–in spite of the lies and him leaving–believed him.  Why? Because he was Kurt and Blaine might be foolish but he was just so done not having anything solid to hold onto when it came to the man he loved that he’d take the promise and hang onto it because it was all he needed–for now.  Lifting his head up–Blaine met those eyes bending his elbows between their bodies to cup Kurt’s cheeks.
Without considering any other outcome–he kissed him for the first time in so long that it felt like the very first.  But every time did for him and maybe that was his first mistake.  From now on? He’d just kiss him like it was the last time instead.  His heart clenched in his chest and a soft sigh touched Kurt’s lips–Blaine’s lingering dangerously close as he whispered, “Thank you.”

✫ ☁ ✉

Some Fun Munday Asks!
@letsbray (sorry was at work when I posted this!)

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✫: Why you began RPing:  I write my own fiction and poetry.  Mostly horror related short stories and novellas.  I got introduced to roleplaying by a fellow writer years ago as a means of getting over writer’s block.  It worked for her and I found it worked for me.  It’s amazing the inspiration you can get from other writers in this form of writing.  Either their excitement or talent or just meeting people with crazy awesome imaginations and chatting.  So I don’t plan on stopping any time soon!

[[Two More Under Line Break For Length!]]

☁: Favorite part of RPing:  Seeing someone I write with enjoying themselves and being just as excited as I am about plots.  I live for hearing someone’s into a plot or loved something I wrote for them.  And I love freaking out over awesome entries that come back to me from them, too.  So the inspiration and the fun of making people inspired or excited? Also the challenge to keep giving my partners something they’ll enjoy!

✉: Any RPers the Mun admires:  Oh God!  So many!  I know I’ll miss some and feel like I gotta go back and add them in.  Um!  First, @bcingnicesucks who is amazing and just flail worthy both in mad, mad writing skills and OOC awesomeness.  @angelfacedhummel , @devilmaycarekurt , @devilinarcddress , @notacrabbastian , @fewkarats , @samevvns and @thenewberlin-wall are all fantastic at what they do and I secretly freak out at their talent. @ofscarllet , @talktoten , @theoriginalbadasspuckerman , @racheliisms , @shootingoldstar and @imjustliketinkerbell are pure gold stars that inspire me tons!  Honestly, anyone you see me posting with (and ones I don’t and just follow cause I am too shy or my 1×1′s–don’t get me started on them!) is someone I admire because every person writes differently and I have met nothing but great people on this blog!  These are just some of many I can list that I thought of off the top of my head!

duran.

Duran laughed. “It definitely doesn’t feel good. I’m pretty sure I’ve knocked myself out a couple of times, then I started building up my muscle. Makes gripping the pole easier.” He was definitely starting to feel more at ease, and none of the awkwardness he felt earlier lingered. Duran felt it was actually a lot easier to talk to Blaine about more things now that the initial ‘hi’ was out of the way. And the thought of teaching him how to pole dance was actually more appealing than he’d thought, though he wasn’t going to push for it.

“I’m too in love with Dalton,” he continued. “Plus, between you and me, there’s more eye candy here.” Duran had always entertained the idea of going to a public school, but he’d seen what some of those guys looked like, and he really wasn’t interested. There was something more appealing about a well dressed guy, even if he personally preferred to dress more casually.

Now it was his turn to blush. Looking down at himself, Duran absently tugged at his blazer, trying to adjust it. “You think so?” He asked. Looking back up at Blaine, he wore a bright grin. “You know, it looked great on you too.”

Blaine laughed quietly as he imagined what the situation look like knocked out on someone’s floor after falling off a pole.  Explain that to the EMTs when they showed up and try not to let it get back to his father, hm?  It was an amusing thought and one he might take Duran up on if he ever could shake the fact that he’d be asking a guy to teach him out to pole dance.  It was a stupidly embarrassing reason to shy away from the offer so he kept a smile because he didn’t have to force one–he was truly happy and enjoying his new company.

Because of that?  He decided to chide himself once he was alone for being such an idiot to find what was just a hobby–Duran wasn’t on it for dollar bills for crying out loud–as embarrassing. Perking up with a twinkle in his eye when Duran proclaimed his love for Dalton–Blaine nodded and had to stop himself from blurting out how much he did too.  A wistful sigh parted his lips, his smile faltered for a second as a bubble of homesick filled his belly but he dove headfirst into the conversation quick enough to hope it wasn’t that noticeable.

“Yes I think so,” he tucked his chin towards his collar at the compliment.  “Ah–?  Thanks,” a lopsided wide smile lingered when he lifted his head just enough to meet Duran’s gaze.  “It’ll be missed.  It is missed.  I figure trade in the tie for the bowtie,” he tapped the blue and gray fabric bowed perfectly at his collar.  “Sort of makes me miss it a little less and besides?  At least I get a few more varieties of color to mix in?  There’s that?”

sebastian.

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 Finally at Blaine’s house, he turns off the GPS app on his phone. The nine p.m full moon is beaming light down through his windows as he looks at the steps he’ll be walking up soon.

Feet wont un-glue themselves from the floor of his car as slender fingers stay gripped to the wheel. iPod is playing on the speakers at an almost mute volume, songs that usually give him confidence. But he’s afraid, afraid of what he’s made of himself still. Sebastian created the illusion of a monster. Even though Blaine had made it clear that he accepted Sebastian’s apology, he still felt horrible. Finally taking a deep breath, he grabbed the coffee from the cup holder && got out the drivers seat.

Blaine had mentioned the door was unlocked, so Sebastian wearily opened it up to find turned off lights && made his way down the hallway towards Blaine’s room. A sliver of light was glowing from the bottom of the door, contrasting with the rest of the house. Pressing a light knock to his door, he waited for a response. Silence. Furrowing an eyebrow, he slowly cracks it open to find Blaine passed out on his bed. Sebastian smiles the slightest, not a smirk, just a smile. Blaine looked fast asleep, peaceful && delicate. He’d never seen Blaine asleep before, && even though he felt semi creepy he couldn’t keep from staring at him for a moment. He was so god damn handsome. It sucked to think that the reason he had that eye patch on was because of Sebastian himself. 

Tiptoeing fully into the room, he sets the coffee down on his nightstand that sat next to Blaine’s sleepy head && takes a spot at the edge of the bed as quietly as he can. Sebastian didn’t want to wake him, he must be tired from all of what he’s been through lately. Eyes scanned around the bedroom, observing it innocently. Spotting a picture of Kurt && him on Blaine’s desk, Sebastian stares at it for a moment. He looks so happy next to Kurt. Why did Sebastian do any of this? This was just a couple that wanted nothing but love, yet he kept finding new ways to try && corrupt it. Self-ashamed, he frowns a little, pressing down on his bottom lip with the top one in regret. He knew what he needed to do, he needed to break down those stone walls he hid behind for once && for all.

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Staying awake became increasingly difficult the more the painkillers kicked into overdrive. As out of the blue as it was–it ended up with him inviting Sebastian over and then remembering he was about thirty minutes away from passing back out from the haze they put him into he’d just woken up from before their ‘talk’.  His request for coffee was a means of combatting that drowsiness but he deeply underestimated their strength versus his tolerance.  He battled it for about ten minutes–head bobbing and jerking back up from where he sat back against his headboard.  Then he was laying down and there was an idea of getting out of bed and walking around the house that crossed his mind.  Before the pillow started to feel too good against his cheek–that thought was a good one.  Better than almost falling asleep sitting up?

The covers pulled up to his chest weren’t helping win the chilly room much favor on where he’d rather be.  Out light a light seconds later.  Down for the count.  One arm draped over his middle and the other cupping the back of his head between his hair and the pillowcase.  Donezo. Sebastian coming into the house and shutting the door downstairs made Blaine shift closer to the land of the living.  Eyelids fluttered but then evened out again once there was silence.  A rustle on the bed shortly after woke him up for real.  He laid there motionless trying not to give up the fact that he was awake just long enough that it took him to look through a veil of black eyelashes up to Sebastian who was staring at the picture of Kurt and him on his nightstand.   

One of several around the room that happened to be right there.  He wondered what was going on in his thoughts behind the thoughtful, stoic mask that Sebastian wore.  Did he think he was a goofball for having pictures of someone he saw practically every day littering his room?  That was okay.  He could.  It would only embarrass Blaine a little if he said something about it.  “Hey,” he whispered in a voice scratchy from sleep when he decided to clue Sebastian in that he was awake. “Are you okay?”  He hoped that by coming here Sebastian walked into something better than he would have if he went home.  Not just a different house filled with another problem that would weigh him down.

Out Of Luck

kurt.

While he was gone it was a vague feeling, mixed up with the ones of his friends and family.  He wondered about Lima as a whole then, and thank god for that if that is what let him avoid this.  Kurt tried to find words for a minute before it came out, quiet but steadier than he would have thought it would be.  He shrugged his shoulders and sighed.  “I don’t know..  I don’t know what else I expected to happen.“  He’s sure at this point that he had to have been in denial that this was a possibility.  The toll taken on Blaine was a possible outcome from the start that he swept under the rug in disbelief.

As Blaine continued, Kurt lost his voice.  ‘What we’ve been through’, that felt so small now.  With everything he did with Oliver, finding out what he was, and especially now, what were a few little rough patches in a high school relationship?  Those experiences, the ones that mattered so much before, they were almost nothing now. He had been through as close to hell as he could get without losing his family. It were the good times that he remembered when thinking back.  Not the drama or difficulties of his relationships.

He couldn’t do this when Blaine let his head hang. Kurt stepped close and wrapped his arms around the other. It didn’t matter if he was shoved away or if he got to stay here, as he embraced his last love he breathed the words, “You didn’t. None of this is your fault.” And dear god he hopes he can show him that. Blaine was the last person to be blamed. The closest thing to contributing he did was trust Kurt when he lied.

He didn’t move-didn’t budge from his spot.  Fingers pressed into the hollows of his eyes as if his hands in front of his face were a wall that he was able to hide behind so Kurt wouldn’t see him breaking down.  It’d been weeks since he let anyone see him cry.  He was so done being everyone else’s cause for concern that he kept his eyes dry and his smile and voice perfectly in place and pitch so everyone would stop asking if he was okay and worrying so deep that he wasn’t.  But this?  This was too much and all he’d been holding back came crashing down on shaking shoulders that he couldn’t hold up or still anymore.

Just when he thought he couldn’t feel more empty but aching–in love but broken and hating himself for it–with Kurt but so alone–a pair of arms wrapped around him and pulled him in.  He’d hid so deep that he didn’t hear Kurt approaching.  Didn’t sense him there until he was holding him and Blaine moved his arms up from where they were bent between them to wrap both around Kurt’s shoulders as he dissolved against him.  He–at last–found his safe place. The one that was his go-to always.

Buried into the slope of Kurt’s neck where the world faded to nothing but black, the smell of Kurt’s skin and shampoo–Blaine stopped being the strong one.  Maybe for just a couple of seconds until he could gather up the willpower to be it again.  Until then–Kurt was the rock he needed to lean on for months now. Just to have him safe enough to be that.  “Please love me back. I need you,” he whispered against Kurt’s throat noticing it was damp with his tears, “Please tell me you still need me too.  We can be okay if we just love each other.  We can make this okay..”

be my breath.

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     “ I’ll never hate you, Blaine. I couldn’t. I’ve hit the lowest of lows trying to prove myself to you. I make enemies for myself like a stripper makes one dollar bills. I know what having a dark side means, I know what it looks like. We all have one—- but yours, I’ll never hate yours. Don’t you get it? We’ve both fucked up, but I—- “ he stopped in his attempt at being genuine, furrowing his eyebrows as the words he was about to say got cut off by fear. He wanted to say the ultimate truth, the thing he had been running from in his mind. The thing that made him use Hunter Clarington in the most wrongful of ways. The thing that gave Sebastian the determination to run after Blaine for years. That thing was a thing called love. Sebastian fell in love with Blaine so fast, so hard; ever since then it had been a battle owning up to his emotions. Perhaps saying it would change things, make it all better. But as silence lingered the clouds in Sebastian’s head space masked the sun && he began to think that saying it would make Blaine run away forever. He knew that Blaine wanted him back, but maybe love, && not just like, was only present on Sebastian’s side. 

A deep breath was taken, holding it for a moment before releasing it slowly. He began softening his features as he moves away from Blaine’s lips, still close enough to stay intimate as ever. Eyes met the ones staring across from him as he bites down on his bottom lip anxiously, wishing there was a way to look deeper inside of them. If only everything could be a happy ending, but that just wasn’t how life worked && Sebastian knew that all too well; better than most ever would. There was a pain in his eyes because they were so close to something good. So soon to being lost in time, but one little thing kept pressing pause && building up unknown lengths of anticipation. Blaine was clearly still devoted to that certain someone else. Sebastian refused to make a fool of himself, he refused to loose this battle that was making Blaine realize they were perfect for each other. That Sebastian could treat Blaine so well, that they connected on a level that nobody else ever would. They both had grief, && regrets; a dark side. But all at once, impulse took the stage, && Sebastian spit out the statement he had been holding in for so long. “ ——I love you. “

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There was no other way to put it.  Sebastian had cast some sort of spell on him that kept his limbs frozen.  Fingers cupping the back of Sebastian’s neck while the other set twisted into the fabric on his shoulder.  Blaine stayed with his heels slightly in the air and his eyes locked on Sebastian’s–even in this closeness that he couldn’t bear to break–as he listened to the taller boy try to put Blaine’s fears of ruining them to rest.  Sebastian had one thing so infinitely wrong between them.  Try to prove himself?  If he was still doing that?  It was time to stop.  “You won’t?  But look at what I did-,” his whisper came out choked and barely there.  The knowing Blaine once had in regards to Sebastian Smythe and the man he thought he was had been broken at one point–yes.  But they’d gone through so much to rebuild those bridges.  Yes–there might be weak spots here and there still.  But even they would get stronger in time–hell–they barely existed anymore as it was.  “I wouldn’t have come to you if you still needed to prove yourself to me, Seb.  Please stop.  This isn’t about proving yourself.  I know we both messed up.”  Blaine leaned closer. Closer.  To the point he could practically taste the words forming between his and Sebastian’s lips.  The flavor was a mix of the air they were breathing and the taste of their skin blended together.  His question was almost forgotten.  He was almost there.

Sebastian’s deep breath lulled him back to Earth and the space that was put between them had him crashing down the rest of the way.  Blaine slowly blinked and swallowed desperate gulps of air.  Navy blue was balled up into tighter fist–Sebastian’s neck supported some of Blaine’s weight like he was trying to get that closeness back.  “I know we–but–you what?”  –I love you.– Sebastian didn’t need to repeat himself for Blaine to hear it again.  –I love you.—  The echo of it bounced from Blaine’s memory right to his heart.  The insides of his lips were bit between his teeth.  He wanted to tell Sebastian he didn’t deserve someone loving him back.  That–eventually–he’d ruin that feeling because he was an idiot and messed up the one thing that he promised he never would.  Blaine wanted to do a lot of things.  Walk out.  Hang tighter to the body he clung to. Say it back.  God, the longer he stared up at him–the more he wanted to. Maybe it was because he felt like Sebastian just took his wrist when he was about to fall and pulled him to his feet.  “Sebastian..”  Maybe he was so tired of being lonely for months before and now months after.  Or maybe one of those notions to say something he’d felt and cut off so many times. Whatever the reason–the next thing that happened didn’t come from words he was afraid he’d fail at but it came from the same place.  The hand holding Sebastian’s blazer tugged him forward–the fingers cupping Sebastian’s neck helped and their lips met again.  No timid try. No hesitation.  Just a mouth that nudged Sebastian’s open so it could pour every unsaid word inside before he made the regretful mistake of missing this chance that he just didn’t want to fight off for the dozenth time.  Not anymore.