Rachel knew there was nothing to apologize for. Not
considering the situation they were in, and yet she felt like she had to
apologize, because Blaine was affected by this as much as she was and yet he
found the strength to somehow support her, and Kurt too.
Sometimes Rachel still couldn’t believe that Finn was gone.
They might not have been a couple, and maybe they wouldn’t have become one
again either, but they would have always had a special connection with each
other and it would have worked out one way or another.
That chance had been taken from them though and Rachel
couldn’t deal with that. She held onto Blaine tightly, sobbing into his
shoulder until it felt as if she had no more tears to spend. She sighed,
exhausting taking over as she slumped against him.
“Thank you…” She finally whispered, the answer to something
said minutes ago. “And…maybe.” She couldn’t promise that she´d get out of the
apartment. She had taken two weeks off NYADA, starting when they had all gone
back to Lima to celebrate Finn´s life, but one week was already done and when she
had returned to New York neither her nor Kurt had left the apartment.
Rachel sighed again, pulling back slightly, but still
holding on to Blaine. “Do you…want to make some tea?”
Blaine was doing his best to hold it together for both their sakes and he thought he was doing a pretty good job of it until Rachel started to sob into his shoulder. That’s when he couldn’t hold back. Tears beaded at the corners of shut eyes before they fell into the dark chestnut strands of hair he was nuzzled down into.
Keeping his breathing steady as possible, he traced circles between her shoulders with one hand. Not letting go, not even for a beat, he cried with her as quietly as he could. When she calmed and went still, her weight drew him out of it far enough that the tears came to an end.
“You’re welcome,” his voice was uneven but he nodded taking what he could get as far as his idea that they should all go out. “I’ll take a maybe. A maybe is a lot better than a no.”
Closing his hands over both of hers and leaning back, Blaine rested her palms against his chest letting her feel the warmth there. Thumbs ran back and forth over the edges of her palms. “Yeah. I can do that,” a kiss was pressed to her forehead, “Wait here.”
The heels of his palms dug into the hollows of his eyes as he walked to the kitchen and fought the urge to cry the whole way there. His pieces were glued together flimsily, no way would he be able to do it again before he had to go back to her. Splashing water from the sink up to wash his face before filling the kettle and fixing their mugs just right, he pressed the button and waited. Agonizing minutes later, the kettle shut itself off and he returned to her side of the bed, speaking softly in case she fell asleep. “Tea’s ready.. You sure you don’t want a snack, too?”
Santana was fairly shocked that Blaine didn’t push his point any further. He could be pretty stubborn, but maybe the fear of Santana’s reaction silenced his attempts. Whatever effect she had on him, at least it got his silence. Fighting about Kurt was what got them into this mess — she wasn’t about to go down that same road again. Maybe that showed just how desperate she was to get their friendship back as well. That could be leverage — real proof that Santana cared more than she let off. There were too many times where that got brought to the light. Was she really about to let this be another one?
( mssg » blaine anderson | sent ) Don’t get sappy on me, captain bowtwit. I’m not in the mood. ( mssg » blaine anderson | sent ) We’ll see. ( mssg » blaine anderson | sent ) Don’t get too excited. A conversation can easily man nothing. I mean, do any of us remember anything the leprechaun said while he was in Glee club? Or the jesus freak with pet dreads named after bible characters? Irrelevant. Meet half way, around that park with the coffee stand. You’re buying.
( mssg » santana | sent ) Okay. Sorry. Consider this an official Sap Free Zone. ( mssg » santana | sent ) I’m not letting you give up on me.. No “we’ll see”. ( mssg » santana | sent ) Yeah. No hopes up. Got it. I’ll meet you there around six.
Blaine sat on the bench beside the coffee stand, reading over their last sets of texts while volleying replies back and forth to Rachel. He was pretty sure that his eyebrows were permanently frozen in a shoved together position and his teeth had to let up on his bottom lip soon or they were going to do some damage. No amount of mindless chatter with Miss Berry was going to erase the nervous jitters he had while waiting for Santana to show. Knowing he had one chance to fix what happened between the two of them was wracking his last nerve. Blaine couldn’t bring himself not to try to mend fences. Santana was too important not to give their friendship an effort to save. Regardless of time spent or distance apart, she mattered to him. And they’d all been through too much together to forget that.
blaine stepping back had sebastian’s heart actively throbbing in his chest. so painfully like it only had in those few moments he’d been truly scared. humiliation brewing in his stomach at the thought of what he might have done. had he hurt blaine even more?! he SWORE he’d never lay a hand on him again and yet… his breath didn’t pick up, it stilled, almost impossibly quiet as he felt cold. blaine looked scared and ashamed and sebastian didn’t know what to do with it.
when he finally said it, sebastian’s had SPUN, hard. was that it? he’d kissed him? was it that HORRIBLE to have blaine looking as green as he did? as though the very memory of it made him stomach-sick? and still sebastian couldn’t help but ASK. not with the way the ghost of a memory kept dancing over his sugar sticky lips. not with the way blaine wavered as though… sebastian took a step forward, pupils wide as he waited, eating away at the green in his eyes, with an expectation so painful sebastian wasn’t sure he was still breathing at all. he frowned at the confusing semi answer. didn’t take WHAT? didn’t take it like that? his eyes couldn’t help but trail down to the movement of blaine’s throat and a different kind of warmth settled in his stomach before he forced them back up.
and then… eyelids shot wide. and suddenly it was so quiet, he wondered if he became deaf. bline kept speaking but sebastian couldn’t hear it. yes. yes.YES.
he had kissed blaine anderson and blaine had actually kissed him back. he restarted breathing with a knocking gasp like a punch in the stomach, but there was no pain in his face, only…. bewilderment. blaine had kissed him back. blaine had kissed him back. sebastian had no idea why he looked so embarrassed and to be quite frank, he wasn’t sure he CARED. his ears were still buzzing but he could hear again. the way blaine’s palm rubbed his own neck making his knees weak again.
i let it happen. sebastian moved.
he cared nothing for the strained tone behind blaine’s words. he cared nothing for the hidden meaning of guilt and something else entirely stupid along those lines. he cared nothing for the apology in the dark eyes, the way his mouth tasted like coffee and too much sugar, and his head still felt like sandpaper under his skin. none of it got close to mattering as he fisted his hands on blaine’s shirt, an almost tortured, completely open for once, look of every single moment of longing, pain, and disappointment he’d spent thinking about this. and then he was jerking the other into a tight, desperate, open mouthed kiss. the earth shifted beneath him and sebastian knew he’d never feel fully grounded to it again.
Blaine watched as Sebastian’s eyes shot open wide with a growing knot in his belly he was sure was ten loops thick. The last thing he ever wanted was for Sebastian to think he took advantage of him when Sebastian trusted him to keep him safe. He rambled on, trying to explain himself, but Sebastian’s face was frozen and Blaine felt like he was shrinking by each second under the weight of green eyes that were unblinking, unwavering set inside a face that was the very definition of SHOCK. His palm never left his neck as he tried to figure out what was about to happen.. Would he be kicked out? Did he read this wrong and it might be a good thing?
It had to be a good thing. Blaine wasn’t oblivious to the fact that Sebastian wanted him. Wanted to do what he did in the cab, KISS HIM, for a very long time now. Or so he thought that want was still there. Or Sebastian wouldn’t have done it. Unless it was the alcohol talking and Blaine was too weak to not listen. Tired of looking past the need in Sebastian’s eyes over and over because he had to convince himself that this (whatever this was) shouldn’t happen.
Losing Sebastian wasn’t an option and Blaine wasn’t sure he could risk everything.. Even if he wanted to. So bad. Time and time again. Back into oblivion those notions always went. Back into staring into space, back into forced obliviousness once the real thing wore off. Back to being safe. That’s the dance Blaine shared with Sebastian in his head. A one sided waltz of caution. More times than he cared to count. Too many.
Sebastian moved. Blaine cringed inwardly but on the outside, his lips parted into a tiny, wary smile and he felt his toes curl against tile trying to steady himself.
His shirt went tight around his back when Sebastian’s fist balled it up. This was it. No matter what happened from this moment on, they’d never be the same. Inside Sebastian’s eyes was so much ache that Blaine felt his throat close around the words ‘I’m sorry’ that never came out. Seeing that look would be enough to bring anyone to their knees. But the jerk forward made him stumble a step closer, hazel eyes rounded owlishly–hands reached out to rest against Sebastian’s chest where he felt a racing pulse that matched his. His breathing stopped. Their mouths connected. He felt Sebastian pour out utter desperation into him and Blaine swallowed it down with a quiet groan. Only to feel himself and all his willpower shatter to nothing. So much for his careful distance. It was gone as Blaine caved, inched upwards for more and gave every shred of want and need right back, too gone to hold it in anymore.
( text ): i’m sure u would do the same for me. ( text ): that’s what friends do.
his gaze dropped down to the screen of his phone as he read Blaine’s incoming text, fingers swiping across it as he gathered his keys to leave, typing as he did so. He hit send before exiting his house, finger on the button of the keypad to unlock his car. He was worried, but thankful Blaine trusted him enough to text him in his time of need. Regardless of what had happened between his brother and Blaine, Blaine was still Finn’s friend and he’d do his best to keep it that way. As he got in the car, adjusted the seat so he wasn’t sitting too close to the wheel and buckled his seat belt, he glanced at his phone once more before he finally stuck the key in the ignition- waiting to be turned.
( text ): don’t worry, i’ll keep it between us. ( text ): i’m about to start driving so just stay put. ( text ): i’m glad ur alright.
after he sent the last slew of messages, he set his phone in the cup holder and turned the key; the car coming to life. he reversed quickly as he began driving toward the road, his nerves on edge. the grasp he held the wheel with tight, his knuckles white. he knew little of the bar Blaine was at, only that it was primarily for Gays, but he was sure with a little help he’d find it. As he stopped at a light, he figured it was the perfect time to pull up the address, propping his phone in the holder so he could make out the street name. His foot remained semi heavy on the gas as he drove, but not enough to warrant a speeding ticket and he made sure to use proper signals as he shifted lanes. A few miles later, he spotted the lights coming from the bar and he pulled into its parking lot, driving to the front. Distinctly he could make out Blaine’s figure and he sighed in relief as he pulled the car to the curb, parking before he got out and approached where Blaine sat waiting for him. “ hey, man. let’s get you home. ‘ he bent down ready for Blaine to drape his arm over his shoulder so he could help him walk to the car.
( mssg » finn | sent ) i Would. all you ever have to do is call me
The fresh air felt like it was doing him some good. Blaine breathed the crispness in and let it go with a sigh, eyes daring to open and stare towards one of the cheap florescent lights up for focus. This whole drinking business was always great in theory. Always a good idea when you first start and, so far, it wasn’t too terrible after he cut himself off. Here was to hoping tomorrow morning didn’t dump him on the suffering side of regret. His phone chimed in his hand and he craned his neck enough to gaze down at the screen.
Relief washed in when Finn promised to keep tonight between the two of them. Asking him to keep a secret from Kurt wasn’t fair. Or the right thing to do. But he didn’t want to make an already messy situation even worse. To say Kurt would be less than thrilled of his current life choices was the understatement of the millennium. Both of them knew that. Once he fixed things–he’d probably end up telling Kurt anyway because that’s how he was wired. Just..after he fixed things was the key phrase. He typed out his thank you before his head bobbed forward and he drifted off into a light sleep
Finn’s voice drew Blaine’s eyes back open. Thank God. His neck already had a heck of a cramp and his legs weren’t much happier after spending so long in such an awkward position. And if he was going to pass out, he’d prefer to do it in bed. One arm wrapped around Finn’s shoulder and held on as he helped him to his feet. “You are such a good person, Finn,” Blaine patted his chest with his free hand before he flounced down in the passenger seat then shot one of those drunken-serious stares up at Finn before he could shut the door. “I’m so lucky for you. You know that…don’t you?”
“I don’t think you understand the importance of True Jackson and it’s implications on the lives of tweens everywhere, Blaine! And if you don’t get, it can’t be explained. It just is. I mean she’s smart, she’s savvy, she’s badass and she teaches lessons that can be applied in the boardroom and in the classroom. What’s not important about that?” Sam eyed Blaine suspiciously, “So…are you going to help me write this letter or not? Because I know I’m not the only person that wants this show – which is totally ahead of it’s time – back on the air.”
Sam getting any cuter was simply. not. possible. Blaine knew the blond was passionate about his one true love television character. That went without saying. If you even brought up her name (or even if you didn’t and she went through Sam’s mind..), you were going to get an earful about the injustice that the show being cancelled was. Now? There’s this. Hearing Sam’s master plan to spearhead efforts to resurrect it was so so sweet that Blaine would never be able to turn him down. Not even a little bit. He just didn’t want him to be disappointed if it never happened. Which, face it, it wouldn’t. However, he’d never be the one to ruin Sam’s dream. Which, he was sure if someone ever committed such a crime? Was punishable by seven years bad luck or something equally as mirror-breaking or walking under a ladder-like bad.
“You know–you’re right. Here. Have a seat and let’s get started,” he smiled and waved at the empty seat beside him, “Let’s try to get their attention. You never know until you give it a go.”
This was the look of rather tired, and slightly annoyed teenager. Yes,he was much younger than most of people his older half brother new, but he wasn’t some child. And at times that’s how he felt when around them. Of course the younger had friends of his own, none of them close, he wanted to keep them at arms length for a good reason. He wasn’t going to stay. Barry had bigger plans, once that he knew Sebastian didn’t approve of. Not completely. Anyway that was years away, there was still time, and he needed to focus on the here and now. Especially the now, considering this was not his idea, and he looked anything, but impressed. “For real?” he uttered, scrunching up his nose a little, “This was so not what I had in mind,” was the grumble, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Why am I here again?”
Blaine had no idea why he agreed to give piano lessons to someone who, by what he was able to grasp from Sebastian’s vague explanation, never asked for them and might not have the slightest interest. He figured it was part of Sebastian’s plan to keep his mind occupied and his days away from school a little less lonely with so many of his friends and boyfriend busy planning what they were going to do with their lives once they left Lima. In turn–him. His quiet and withdraw didn’t go unnoticed by his Warbler friend. Too many turned down online tournaments, texts unanswered until a day later, and just..a quiet that Blaine sank into. Not on purpose. It just happened. And, suddenly, he had a favor plopped into his lap that Sebastian wouldn’t take any excuse for. Now, he stood in the foyer of his house staring at the other Smythe who was–apparently–dropped off by Sebastian with no introduction.
“I’m..um. Hello,” fingers twitched at his side before lifted his left hand to rub the back of his neck and smiled. This was awkward. He was making it worse. “My name is Blaine.. I’m your brother’s friend,” he cringed inwardly at stating the obvious then perked up as a means of recovery. “Sebastian thought that you might like piano lessons? I’m guessing he still hasn’t told you that you might want them judging by your surprise at being here..”
Santana was becoming more && more uneasy as the conversation went on. Mostly because she could feel her heart yearning for her to change her mind. To accept his efforts && try to smooth things out. Only, it was unclear whether or not he deserved it. Maybe a conversation like that had to be done in person — but Santana was afraid that seeing him in person would cloud her judgement. He was such a soft spot for the female. How could she stay angry when he was so damn good at cheering people up?
text — blaine anderson; you always victimize Kurt. That’s not the point, but you do. text — blaine anderson; I don’t know what you’re trying to do, because I think it was pretty obvious how you felt before. I don’t think you can change that to resolve a fight. Families split up too. They leave each other. Sometimes just for who you are. text — blaine anderson; Fine, but I want to get it over with. When?
Getting the smallest crumb of hope that he might have the chance to make things right between him and Santana paused his fingers and prevented him from defending Kurt any further. Blaine knew better than to push that topic right now. Any footing he fought to get with her in the attempt to save their friendship would cave in if he kept it up. Fixing this wasn’t an option. He had to. She was just too important to let go. Spending his entire life regretting pushing her away wasn’t something he could live with. He had to TRY.
( mssg » santana | sent ) I know they do but you’re more important than that kind of family. You’re family because we found each other through series of circumstances and whatever else you want to call it that lead up to us meeting one another. ( mssg » santana | sent ) Either way. That’s family you don’t give up on. I can’t. ( mssg » santana | sent ) Really? Great! Whenever you want. Name the time and the place and I’ll be there no matter what.
( text ): thx man ( text ): u too ( text ): i’ll b there in like 10 min ( text ): that’s a gay bar, right??!? ( text) : i’ll find it ( text ): don’t go anywhre i’m omw
( mssg » finn | sent ) yes sorry it’s a gay bar ( mssg » finn | sent ) i’ll wait outside ( mssg » finn | sent ) hey finn? thank you.
Blaine shoved his phone in the back pocket of his forest green chinos after slowly standing up from his barstool minimal swaying involved. A cheeky, oops grin given to the poor guy who was used as a leaning post to get there but the wink he got said the man didn’t mind it too much. Yep. Time to go. Palming his face to wipe some of the buzz away (it didn’t work but A+ effort for trying), he blinked to steady his vision and began the slow walk towards the exit. An after thought had him buckling like someone threw a brick wall directly in his path halfway to the door and he hurriedly dug his phone back out.
( mssg » finn | sent ) ps. please dont tell Kurt. HE’ll murdder me and I don’t wait to die.
Limbs folding like a marionette that had it’s strings cut plopped him on the bench outside, one leg tucked underneath his seat and the other stretched out. Thank God for the wood beam next to it for something to rest his head against while he waited.
“I understand about the dark places your mind can take you, you know?” Blaine hooked one leg and then the other over the edge of the staircase they were sitting at the top of, arms resting crossed together one the bottom rung of the railing. Staring over the tops of his shoes down at the courtyard below, he shrugged and wiggled one shoe out to dangle from the tips of his toes.
“I know it’s different for all of us. What it feels like, what takes us there. I get that,” hazel eyes met hers and he smiled encouragingly. He been where she is more times than anyone would think if they ever looked at the boy who, more often than not, exuded a enormous amount of hopeful optimism and a bubbly love of life that borderlined on either contagious or annoying depending. Sure, there was the potential for a level of snark and sass that came back biting if he was over his limit but in general? Blaine Anderson Exuded might not resemble someone who’s been there at face value. Until you really talked to him at times like this.
“I, also, know that you can never get out of it alone. You can try and try but..sometimes you just have to take someone’s hand and let them show you the way out. I guess that’s why I’m here offering you one.. If you want to talk?”
Jeff had entered the room his hair still slightly wet as he smiled to Blaine who had come towards him from hanging around with Trent. Standing next to Nicky he nodded at the boy before Blaine told him to fix himself something, “Are you going to drink?” he asked gesturing towards the table Blaine was just talking to him about, “we could always take a bottle for ourselves and share it while up on the roof!” he mentioned looking at the table of drinks and munchies that were there for them.
He had known the Warblers were a mix of rebels and good boys, and the alcohol must’ve come from Thad, and one of the other background boys that lived close to the school and whose parents wouldn’t miss the bottles. “Thank you.” He whispered also to Blaine, because he’d known from the lack of laughing that he hadn’t told anyone and he was grateful to not be embarrassed among the many other talents in this room.
“I don’t know. Maybe,” Blaine shrugged with a glance at the bottles. The last time he drank with the boys was a long weekend where most of them stayed behind due to only an extra day off. But that was the first time Blaine was introduced to their little hideaway in the forgotten upstairs room full of stored furniture, decorations and files long past anyone ever truly needing them. They’d turned it into their own place and Blaine was mystified and with the idea that it existed and he was welcome there.
It was enchanting a way. Exploring what he could find there. Drinking was more of an afterthought. Something mostly the upperclassmen did. Two glasses of wine and Blaine was past his usual with dinner amount and beyond buzzed for the rest of the night. “I’m sort of a lightweight and I don’t want to end up falling asleep before the show,” heat splashed over his cheeks before he clasped Jeff’s shoulder with a smiled you’re welcome. His other hand was taken by a happy faced Trent and he grabbed at Jeff’s wrist in turn as they were pulled out towards the corridor that lead to one of the roof doors. “Looks like the party’s moving. Just how close to midnight is it??”
pianokeysandbowties 