Rachel didn’t want to be selfish, especially not in times
like these, but she didn´t know how to change. Not right now. She knew Blaine
felt the pain too, and he probably felt Kurt´s as well. And now here she was,
burdening him with hers as well. She took a deep breath to calm herself down,
not wanting to cause any more trouble. Maybe watching a movie together would
give them both a chance to relax and maybe they´d fall asleep. Or she´d fall
asleep and he´d be able to get back to Kurt, because as much as Rachel hated
the thought of waking up alone she didn’t want Kurt to experience it either.
“I´m more in the mood for Audrey, too.” She agreed then. The
truth was: Barbra reminded her too much of Finn and while the woman would
still, and always, be her icon, Rachel would need a little time. Once the DVD
was in the player she offered Blaine a smile and moved so he could brush her
hair. “I love you too, and I`m sorry for being such a burden.” She said
quietly, eyes fixed on the TV.
She leaned into his touch then, trying to focus on the movie
and the way his fingers in her hair could distract her from her pain.
Blaine’s heart sank when Rachel apologized for being a burden. Of all the things Rachel Berry was to him? And there were many crowns this particular woman could wear on her head in his life story. First girl (and only) girl he ever kissed. First girl he ever took on a date. Duet partner. Friend. Confidant. Competitor. Probably a dozen more. Some of which were even yet unknown to them both? Rachel could never be a burden. Especially tonight. “Rachel. I can use a lot of words to describe you and what you mean to me. That one, though? Never. Not in a million years, okay? Put that thought away. It doesn’t belong here tonight. Never will. I promise.”
Gently laying her hair out across his lap, he started to comb it carefully making sure never to pull a single strand. The first few strokes of the brush were so light, they barely counted until he settled on what kind of motions to make. His gaze flicked up to the television as the previews ended and the movie started. The brush paused, his fingers swept through and he started over again.
Kurt must have been well into sleep. Not a single peep from their ‘room’ even with the television on. “You know.. I bet there are so many women who pass you by wishing they had hair like this. It’s gorgeous.” Mindless chatter with the hum of his voice and the television. Just his way of keeping her mind as elsewhere as he could lead it.
“I didn’t think this would ever happen. I know that you… They’re expecting us..” Their mouths were so close and Blaine wasn’t sure when he leaned in this near but he had. He could blame the dark. Because there was no way he could judge the distance when he lifted his chin up to draw close enough that no one could hear them talk unless they had their ear pressed to the door. However, when he came to a stop? Blaine knew he was off his mark and their mouths were close enough that he could feel the dampness of Sebastian’s exhales on the wet of his own lips every time each warm puff danced across them. Pulling back would only prove Sebastian’s wrong opinions of him. That he was weak. Timid. Too afraid to be himself and only who and what everyone else expected him to be. Stepford-like. Remember?
So? He stayed put. Ignored how tight his stomach was getting. Ignored how gravity felt like it was pulling him in closer..closer..closer. “We…,” he wasn’t sure if he imagined the barest graze of his lips ghosting over the taller boy’s or if it happened. It was feather-light and barely there. Too much of an impossibility for Blaine to compute he might’ve let it happen until he caught himself with a hitch of breath and sharply tucked his chin down and…abruptly stopped. Against…something warm and velvet and thrumming with a pulse that wasn’t his..couldn’t be his. Because it was Sebastian’s.
The taste of Sebastian’s neck was much different than he thought it would be expected. Expected meaning the time it took them to finish their initial knee-jerk reaction to fate the dare ending up with their names (of all the names, why Sebastian’s?) being the ones David couldn’t hide the amusement dancing in his eyes as he announced them to the room. Not that he EVER thought about what it might taste like any other time. Because he didn’t. Wouldn’t. No way. What sort of idiot thinks those sorts of thoughts about someone who hates him as much as Sebastian does? (Blaine..Blaine’s that kind of idiot..but denial is a powerful coping mechanism). All the eyes in the room (most familiar and some not..) were glued to Blaine who was beet red so far down his collar that it disappeared underneath the crisp press of his shirt. Or to Sebastian. Who Blaine was sure was blaming him for their situation. Not that he had ANYTHING to do with it. But Sebastian probably wouldn’t see it that way. The door closed with a horror movie squeak slowness polished off by a deafening slide of a metal latch into it’s loop. Did he lock it? Or did Sebastian? Regardless, they were alone.. This was going to be the longest seven minutes of his life..
And that is how they ended up like…this. Blaine’s hand unsteadily rising up to blindly ball a fistful of Sebastian’s blazer right near his shoulder into his palm. His mouth opened..more skin..right there..to..graze the tip of his tongue over before pulling away far enough to whisper. “There… Now..now we don’t have to lie..or…,” his gaze flicked to the dim shimmer his mouth left on pale skin, “…Probably doesn’t count but.. Whatever. Sorry.”
Blaine was quickly learning that the New Directions were almost on par with the Warblers dare games by the second time he agreed to go to one of their impromptu Friday night parents-are-out-of-town parties. Almost being that they weren’t doing things that..you know..were Warblers only sort of party games he was bound to being silent on the details of. (Read plenty of wealthy kids with too much time on their hands and tradition handed down from generations of the same and let your imagination run wild.)
Tonight, they were gathered in the living room of Noah Puckerman’s house. The entire lot of them were an hour into the night (most of them were avoiding alcohol thanks to the aftermath from Rachel Berry’s party and the assembly-from-an-after-school-special style lesson) when Puck decided a round of 7 Minutes In Heaven. None of them expected Blaine and Santana to be pulled from the empty beer box. Especially Kurt who looked murderous (though in Blaine’s eyes..he figured he was annoyed at the choice of entertainment..not for any other reason) before tossing him a nonchalant, as possible, grimace of a grin when he and Santana disappeared behind the door of the coat closet.
When the room outside went silent, Blaine finally acknowledged the awkward silence that filled the room after Santana’s reaction of their voluntary predicament. Drawing in a breath, he grinned at the lightbulb moment that brightened his features though it was too dark to see. “I think..we should give them something to wonder about.. I mean..why not,” she couldn’t see his smile but she could definitely hear it in his whisper, “How good are your acting skills? Because..I have an idea.”
What were they thinking? A bunch of people their age playing drunk teenager basement games? Except they were well past teenagers and sitting in Sam Evans’ Lima, Ohio living room. Drunk. They were THAT. Some more than others. Blaine was two and a half sheets to the wind. Three drinks in for the night. A build up from the regular two it took to get him in the state he was in. Or maybe Sam was going lighter handed knowing his best friend was..for lack of a better explanation a feather weight. Happily buzzed, not completely drunk. But one more shot and he might be crossing that line. His laughter was light, carefree and content. Bright, sparkling eyes stayed pinched at their corners because he couldn’t erase the cheeky grin that followed each chuckle. Until the first names pulled out of the bowl were..
“Blaaaaaaaaaine and…,” he could hear Sam’s voice question himself (or maybe the universe) as he read the second name, “Dave?” Well. They were years past what happened in high school. Dave had become a friend to many of them and Blaine was an acquaintance that was friendly enough with facebook chatter and brief check-ins or congratulations. Dave even sent him a message to see how he was when Blaine’s status went from Engaged!!!!! to Single.
Still? He didn’t plan on shutting the door behind them with the heel of his boatshoe and looking up into the face of an equally awkwardly smiling Dave Karofsky. The walk there, he could see Dave wondering what the hell was going to happen. Blaine just took his hand and squeezed it before he let go and the space around them went dark. Blaine was close enough that his shoulder brushed against Dave’s arm as he whispered softly, “What a way to reconnect off the internet. Two hours in, we’re both buzzed and..back in the closet.” Horrible joke or a good one to break the tension? No idea but he was smiling, his brows lifted and he shrugged a hapless, ‘sorry that’s the best I could do’ shrug.
Meet Your Archtypes character trait meme (quiz can be found here.)
45% Performer
Taking center stage comes naturally to the Performer, whether at the water cooler or in front of an audience. They are magnetic and know how to inspire.
41% Creative
The Creative appreciates all beautiful things, in art and daily life. The creative act is essential to who they are.
14% Caregiver
Friendly, sincere, and compassionate, the Caregiver finds their reward in helping others. No one could ask for a better best friend.
He was far beyond the point that much could embarrass him per se, but he has to admit there was a certain amount of discomfort that came with comparing his own slightly tattered appearance to the other man’s. He was clean and put together- though admittedly he did seem rather tired as well. Michael on the other hand was in jeans so old that the ends of each leg and the knees were beginning to wear away, his shirt with a band logo from the 80s on it likely originated from a grown man’s closet before ending up at the Good Will Michael got it from, and the mess of curls on his head was just barely tamable.
“Not really.” Mentally Michael shakes his head at himself for comparing to a stranger to begin with, even if it was no more than a moment of his time. At least the other didn’t see to be thinking the same way that Michael did, instead doing the one thing that could get the small dog to stay in one place; petting her. “Apple. Not my idea, for the record. I just walk her.” Though he did think it was cute, in complete honesty.
Blaine didn’t seem to notice how different he and Michael were put together. Honestly, it was because it hadn’t. It was the dog he noticed. Obviously. Because she nearly tangled his legs up past the point of any sort of graceful untying he could’ve done even with Michael’s help. AKA. On the ground with his legs a mess trying to salvage his pride because a tiny furball took him out. Well. It would be a lie to say he didn’t notice anything about Michael. His smile was sweet. And his help freeing him from his little new best friend was endearing because he was so concerned over absolutely nothing. His clothes? Or their differences? Didn’t really register.
“Apple?” His heart melted. Who names their dog Apple? However. Two seconds of looking back at her and he couldn’t imagine anything better. Soft eyes brightened with a spark that didn’t seem to want to fade as Blaine laughed and decided to sit down on the sidewalk (he could waste a little more time..why not? he’d just rush to catch up later.) beside the fluffy cutie and let her paw at his lap. Coffee put to the side, now both hands were free to rub her head and give her ears a scratch. “I think that’s about the cutest name I’ve ever heard How long have you been walking her? And, God, how do you give her back? Maybe this is just a sign I really need to get a dog…,” he mused with a hum, “I keep thinking about it but never took the plunge and just live vicariously through strangers on the street. I think I’m going to get the reputation of creeper-dog-petting-guy soon. Serial Dog Lover? Is that a thing? I might make it one if it isn’t.” Queue more lighthearted giggles as he met Michael’s gaze and shrugged helplessly.
sometimes if you want to make change you gotta make a little NOISE
❝why didn’t you?’ sebastian spoke nearly over blaine’s words, arms crossed and eyebrows raised. why HADN’T the boy refused? sebastian hadn’t exactly done anything to make him want to help him. ‘i never asked for your sanctified help.’ the teachers had been the one to INSIST he needed tutoring, actually it’d been the dean himself whom had talked to him, saying he’d hate to have to cut his star athlete from his star team, and that he’d take measures to avoid it. those measures sebastian had learned only the next day, came in the form of a helping nerd.
‘of course you do. i’m surprised, anderson, honestly. feels good getting the upper-hand for once, doesn’t it? and here i thought your heart was as pure as an episode of care bears. i’m déçue.’ he ticked his tongue, pointedly. honestly, he knew blaine didn’t meant it like that, but he also thought there was part of him that DID enjoy it like that, and what he didn’t say was he found nothing wrong with it. it amused him that the other would probably deny him, because HE did. he wondered if that was part of what annoyed him so much on the prim boy: his unwillingness to accept even his most basic killer instincts. the nice facade got boring. and, truthfully, sebastian enjoyed the sight of that other side of him a great deal more.
the small grimace on blaine got him to smirk. he loved messing with him, so much, partially because it was so visible how his small comments made the other feel. it was a sadistic inclination, but it also stung him, as his own mouth confirmed every little thing his brain had ever thought about himself. it was different when he was tearing down someone who actually DESERVED it, of course. he had no qualms about that. but if he was willing to be honest, blaine had never actually done anything to him, nothing other than…
‘you’re perfect.’ he burst out, unplanned, but kept his poker face on, with a twist of lips, so the other wouldn’t know he’d just slipped. he might had said something else, and mocked him again, but since he’d started, he shrugged and went on with it. ‘don’t you ever exhaust yourself being the perfect, golden, boy? i’m the only one in this entire campus who doesn’t fawn and trips over every time you speak. it’s exasperating, not to mention boring. whenever you talk to me, it’s the only time you look even human. people might enjoy the good guy, bust their own egos, thing. but i like you just like this.’ he smirked. he was so much better to look at when he had his feathers ruffled. ‘and i do try to upgrade my surroundings whenever i can. it’s a burden i’ve got to carry.’ he said it all with nonchalance, and barely even looking at blaine, as though the subject itself bored him already. ‘so, moral compass, if you can stop trying to reach your long life ambition to become a talking cricket around me, you can follow me back to the dorms, and we can get this done, and i won’t bother your stepford life again. if not… then i’m on my way. alone. and feel free to talk to dean weatherby about it.’
“Because I thought that maybe you might’ve needed my help and even if you enjoy tearing me down as much as you obviously do? If I could help you..,” maybe you’d stop. Maybe you’d see that this is cruel. But he couldn’t say the words. They were right there, on the tip of his tongue, but fell silent and dissipated into nothing but his teeth snagging his bottom lip as he waited for some stroke of nerve to build back up inside. Then again? What good would it do? Sebastian already made a very valid point. If he didn’t go through with what he, idiotically, said he would? The Warblers might suffer for his blunder of attempting to make the person that hated him most hate him a little less.
Why was Sebastian’s opinion so important? Blaine would love to chalk it up to the notion that since he was a kid, pleasing people became his way of feeling wanted. He’d love to dismiss it as a means of making his years here as great as they were before he ever encountered Sebastian Smythe in the first place. He’d love to rationalize every time he felt like he was being drug through the mud and ended up hitting about a dozen rocks along the way with each taunt and outright loathing he saw in Sebastian’s eyes when he met them away. Give himself the excuse that Sebastian was so miserable that making him feel just as awful was the boy’s way of dealing with something BIGGER.
But, truthfully, it hurt anyway. Took him back to the weeks before he left his old school and how walking those halls made his throat tight and his chest in a vice grip. It was a humiliation that ran deep, turned the ache to anger. A bright, burning anger that curled his fingers into white-knuckled fists just like they were twisting into without him realizing it until his nails bit into his palms. The smirk he saw only made it worse. Sebastian was enjoying seeing him get mad. Of course he would. “How do you think any of this is me having the upperhand? Tell me why—.”
‘You’re perfect..’ Blaine’s heart felt like it stopped beating. Why did Sebastian say that? Why did he feel those words so deep? Why did it affect him the way it did? Sebastian didn’t mean that. Perfect? No way. Sebastian hated him, could never see him like that. Why’d he use that word? When all that Blaine’s ever wanted to be was exactly that.. Flaws and all. Because he knew he has so many he tries to desperately hide out of fear of being ALONE that sometimes he’s stupid enough to forget they are there and his life is perfect. Until someone reminds him otherwise. Blaine’s eyes went from fiery to soft and his mouth dropped open with another question that would never see the light of day before it was snuffed out with what came next. And his dignity suddenly felt like it was torn to shreds so fast it left him dizzy and confused why it mattered so much in the first place.
Thankful that Sebastian took his gaze elsewhere, Blaine’s face crumbled and his shoes became the only thing he could let himself see. Palming away the look, he filled the empty air with an exasperated sigh. “Yeah.. Let’s go. I need,” the word came as a quiet slip and one that he snapped back with a correction of so fast that two words nearly became one, “want to get this over with as soon as possible.” Then caught up to walk beside him, keeping his attention on the stained glass windows they walked past instead wishing he was anywhere else but here. Half-thinking out loud, half not bothering to cover up the question he couldn’t shake. “So.. That’s what you think of me? That I’m fake? Stepford personality-ish? That’s what you see me as?”
several. if i were going to make you a list it’d never be complete, anon. but i guess not to be biased i can pick one of the writers that i just… really clicked with in my life to talk about. @pianokeysandbowties honestly, from the very first time we wrote together, j and i just felt like we clicked. like quinn always says it’s all about synchronicity, and it always seemed and felt effortless when we wrote that if sebastian moved left, blaine moved right, and if he breathed in, blaine breathed out, and if he stumbled, blaine was right there to catch him, and vice-versa. i have rarely felt as comfortable writing with someone as i feel with j, and i would trust her with my sebastian like i wouldn’t nearly anyone else. more than that, her writing inspires me incredibly. whenever i’m out of muse, i can always summon seb muse for her just from reading her blaine, it like he calls out at my sebastian and that is such a precious, rare, thing. i’m so thankful for j to put up with me moving blogs, and with us not always being able to be in touch so frequently or our slow threads, because i would wait an year not to have to give one of our threads up, and i want to be sure that you know that. you were kind and receptive to me when i was terrified of approaching any big players, so to speak, and you gave my seb a chance when i knew how selective you were, with his particulars and all, and never made me feel uncomfortable for a minute. your writing flows, your blaine voice is incredible, and you reminded me of all the little things that made me fell in love with blaine before i forgot that for YEARS. if you want a writer to inspire you and to look up to, i would definitely recommend you to go to j’s blog and just treat yourself. thank you for existing, for never having stopped being kind and gentle to me, and for sticking around through thick and thin. ily j and seb loves blaine more than life itself.
// I was scrolling through my activity just now to add a few things to my drafts so I can work on them tomorrow and…then I saw this. I don’t even know what to say.. This was so freaking..yep. I’m speechless. B, thank you for every word and I’m so glad that I give back to you what you give to me. This means so much and it came on a night where I really needed to hear it. Imagine that. You are a beautiful writer and person and I’m just lucky to know you. I love you right back and even tho he puts him through hell, Blaine loves Seb too. I’m keeping you forever.
pianokeysandbowties 