The options of what he could do to back out were narrowing slimmer && slimmer the longer the presence of the two alone in the room lingered. It was like something was bumping loudly in the back of his thoughts && letting the pressure rise as minutes passed. Was it his heart that was beating? His head that was pounding? All of it mixed so horribly together that lines had become blurred for what there was to blame for this fear. Sebastian had always prided himself in never letting fears hold him back, yet here he was, not even close to certain of how to pursue this long drawn on confession. It had to come out, it had to come out now. && that’s precisely why he wouldn’t allow himself to stand here silent && fade out with nerves. Sebastian was going to do it now, because if he didn’t he might walk out that door with the biggest regret of his life.
Fingers fidget with one of his blazer sleeves, the sick feeling in his stomach from nerves intensifying. This wasn’t the Sebastian everyone knew. This was the Sebastian that hopeless love had turned him into. A mess with endless doubts. Finally, he looks back up at Blaine as he watches him sitting in the vanity chair. Oh, those yellow tinted lights illuminating off of his angel skin. He was so handsome, now looking more handsomer than ever. He wanted so badly not to ruin the innocent look on his face with the news he would soon be bringing to Blaine’s attention. It wasn’t fair to Blaine, it wasn’t fair to Kurt. ❛ I was saying, uh—– ❜ he pauses, slowly walking towards where the other sat. Sebastian sits on the edge of the vanity counter top, now facing Blaine. He looked down with a frown before sighing.
❛ I’ve always been in love with you, Blaine.&& I still am. I’ve never stopped being in love with you. ❜ The bomb was dropped, his voice was shaking. He wanted to vanish into thin air. Leave before there was a chance to hurt from the reaction he would receive.
Breathing became increasingly difficult as he waited. Blaine felt what was coming. He knew it before Sebastian met his eyes knowing his were so hopeful that Sebastian might change his mind and decide he wasn’t worth the heartache that the air between them warned would only get worse. –I don’t want to be the person who does this to you. Please don’t make me be. Please, Sebastian, don’t.– He let himself be greedy enough to stretch out the minutes where both of them could sit there with words unspoken and hold onto how things were before–. A feeling deeper inside than his bones that already ached so bad he swore they were turning hollow caved his throat in when Sebastian stole the safety net of distance and reflections by sitting on the counter top and forcing Blaine to see him in the flesh. Close enough that he could feel the warmth of Sebastian’s leg against the side of his hand. Blaine screamed internally for him to stop before it was too late. –Not today. Don’t make me remember today as the day I broke your heart!– Then it was too late and he heard every word that Sebastian couldn’t take back and he’d never forget. Blaine sat perfectly still and his wide eyes–filled to the brim with tears–stared up at him seeing nothing but desperation. Sebastian looked as if he’d rather be anywhere other than beside him. The unsurety that the normally so confident man broadcasted drew Blaine to cover his hand with a grip that had no right to be shaking as much as it was.
His chair slid back and echoed in Blaine’s ears as he stood leaving barely any room between them. “Seb,” he whispered unsteadily, expression filling with sorrowful regret. His elbow bent as he cupped his cheek in a cold palm. Fingertips grazed Sebastian’s hairline as Blaine shook his head. “I’m sorry.” A caress swept over Sebastian’s temple. “I never wanted to hurt you. You have no idea how important you are to me. How important we are,” golden hazel begged Sebastian to understand before he leaned in and rested their foreheads together using the closeness to blur Sebastian’s face from view. When that didn’t work–Blaine closed his eyes and breathed the same air as Sebastian for what was probably the last time. Thinking it would be made Blaine’s stomach bottom out. “I-I can’t hurt him. Not like this. Not this bad. But don’t you dare walk away thinking I couldn’t love you. That you don’t deserve it. I know that’s what’s going to happen.” He blurted out the next part, too emotionally strung out to keep it inside. “I do–I mean–did. Part of me always will. You–you’re—” What was he doing? What was he saying? This was so wrong to do to him. “I’ll stop–I just–I’m so sorry.” –Please don’t hate me now. I don’t want that either.– But he couldn’t blame him if he did.
pianokeysandbowties 