Santana hated that her heart was breaking. She hated that Blaine was the one who caused it. She hated a lot of things to be fair — but nothing as strongly as this moment. Out of the best && the worst times, she thought he’d always be somewhere in between. He could stay in her grey area && never be anything less or more than a friend. The only other time she noticed how strongly she felt for him was after he’d nearly been blinded by Sebastian. Even though that was in the past, it was still a defining moment for the both of them. It showed them both how much she cared. Blaine wasn’t going to be her free pass anymore. She couldn’t have a simple love. When Santana felt something for someone it was passionate. The love she spread was like a flame && someone always ended up getting BURNED. The entirety of his rant, followed by her own nagging insecurities further proved that point. Santana wasn’t a good person, she just wished it hadn’t been Blaine to prove it. He was her safe place. Even Brittany was on the up && down spiral of Santana’s wild way of loving. They’d hit rock bottom && reached for the stars more times than she could count. There use to be a peace in knowing at least she could have one person untouched by such unpredictable feelings. Now all peace was gone, && she had to face all of the mistakes she’d made && will make again with the people she loved ALONE.
Hearing that same voice that once meant comfort && serenity sparked something within Santana. She was going to walk away, because she new things were hitting rock bottom. It was such a powerful feeling of negativity && hatred. Both of which were safer being dealt with alone. Bringing herself down was a one way path to a day or two in solitude. That kind of pain was nothing compared to the retaliation of her taking it out on another person she cared about. She chose that path already, && she didn’t want to make the same mistake two times in a row. Of course, Blaine couldn’t leave it alone. He couldn’t accept that he’d been cruel. He couldn’t live with himself being the villain. When she felt his hand on her elbow she snapped. There was no going back now. With a sharp turn Santana raised her hand && delivered a slap that rang out like a thunderclap. The contact sent a shock through her arm as she pulled away. “Stay the hell away from me! Don’t EVER touch me again, && don’t even think about stepping foot in my wedding. You think it’s hard living an unforgiving life, where you’re the villain? You have no idea how painful it really is. Trust me, Blaine, it never gets better. ” With harsh words spat in his face she backed away, feeling tears fall as her heart willed her to stop. To erase what had been said && making it work. She wanted them to WORK. It just didn’t seem possible anymore. So again she chose to run away, making her way out the door.
Blaine was in an anxiety ridden panic to get her to stop. She deserved to be told what she said hurt the person he loved cared about far deeper than Kurt stood there and let on. Enough that if he had to hear about it from Rachel and be asked to call Kurt himself. That he was struggling to keep his head above water without being involved in everything since they all decided to return home. That his world was thrown even more off the very thin layer of concrete he just laid down to get his footing when KURT made ‘not being involved’ impossible by ceasing to be out of sight, out of mind (not really but it was getting easier with Dave and therapy and all the work he put into rebuilding his life HERE) and was right there, seemingly everywhere Blaine turned. Maybe not that extreme but it felt that way because he couldn’t stop thinking about him or his state of mind or ‘I’m going to earn your forgiveness and then I’m going to win your heart back’. He listened to Rachel, he called Kurt and maybe that was the mistake that lead to this. One more painful bundle of choked out words of Kurt being okay heard over the phone? Here he was. Lashing out at the one person who trusted him completely with a friendship that the both of them held very near and dear.
Through distance and time apart, they would always reconnect because Blaine knew what he meant to Santana. Santana knew what she meant to him. They had a connection. Something in the background of all the friendships that had their ups and downs and everywheres that often surrounded the whole group. They were different. They understood what it was like to have family members who wished the closet locked from the outside. To doubt themselves in the middle of figuring who they were out. ‘I used to pretend I was so confident because it was easier than being terrified after that night, you know?’ They were sitting on the stage at McKinley. Santana still so terrified of being forced out in the open. His and Kurt’s plan to make her feel better failing miserably. Blaine talked to her in whispers. So no one could hear their secrets. ‘My Dad liked it better and Dalton helped me slowly become that. Mostly. There were days when I still wasn’t as sure of myself as I made sure everyone thought I was. Sometimes those days happen now. Please don’t tell anyone and I promise no more duets.’ She knew parts of him no one else did. Vice versa too. A flash of white. A loud crack. Pain and heat across his face. Blaine tasted copper from where he bit tongue. Still. It took him half a second to compute…she hit him. In shock, wide eyes blinked owlishly but his touch was gone and he didn’t move an inch. “I-I won’t. I’m sorry,” came out broken and he watched her retreat towards the hall knowing he shouldn’t follow. It’d only make things worse. Instead–tired legs carried him to the first desk they could reach and he sat down heavily, limbs giving out like a marionette with it’s strings cut. Elbows cracked against the desk and he used the heels of his palms to rub a forehead bent down into them. The ache on his cheek was still there as a physical reminder of the fact that maybe this time? He’d just joined the ranks of everyone else in her life. And that was more painful than the sting.
pianokeysandbowties 