Sebastian nodded slowly as he listened to Blaine’s sensitive words. It felt like his heart was in his throat at this point. Hearing that Blaine cared about him was possibly the best but worst news he could hear. It hurt but felt so wonderful to know. The pain was from knowing that nothing could probably come from it. “No, I overreacted. I mean, yeah it felt like rejection but I shouldn’t have done that, Blaine,” he added in. Getting this out between the two felt like the weight of the world was finally lifted from Sebastian’s shoulders. His sleep was fucked up because he was always up thinking of what he should’ve done different. The days were longer. And he was certainly meaner. People had taken note of his even more aggressive behavior.
“I miss you too. And I don’t want us to just… throw it all out tonight. Because I know that for some ungodly reason you care about me, and I care about you. And that’s something that… maybe we shouldn’t let slip through our fingers. I dunno.” His lips folded together and he shrugged. “Where does that leave you though? Us?”
In the short time they knew each other–Sebastian managed to pull him in and capture his attention, friendship and something else Blaine wasn’t ready to think about because of what it meant. Oblivious as he could occasionally be when it came to noticing that someone was drawn to him the way Sebastian’s overly exuberant vocalization left without a doubt he was? The fact that this boy wanted him was clear. And the idea that someone so potentially overwhelming could was puzzling. One in depth conversation had him feeling like he was underneath a magnifying glass and left to question everything without being able to hide. He could talk to Sebastian for hours–and they did. Their conversations made him feel things he shouldn’t. Made him want to be back underneath Sebastian’s studious eye that didn’t let him escape from those parts of himself Sebastian plucked at. It was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.
Sebastian was dangerous. The worst part? Blaine knew it and still wanted to be near him. The thought he lost that because he got swept up? Was awful and left those parts Sebastian connected like raw, exposed nerves. Relief flooded in when he was given hope he hadn’t broken them beyond repair. Along with the unsurety of what to sayr. “I–I don’t know,,” his carefully measured distance was breached as he carefully touched Sebastian’s wrist and tried his best not to think about the last time he touched him. The images that were right there threatening to rush back anyway. “Where that leaves me–I mean. What I do know is I don’t want to throw away anything. You’re right. I do care. Just–please can we go back to where we were heading? I’m not sure where that was–but it felt like we were going somewhere I wanted to be. I don’t want to say goodbye to that..even if I’m not sure what that is–yet.” And there it was. The feeling of hinging on Sebastian in ways that he probably shouldn’t but couldn’t help.
pianokeysandbowties 