The pause meant everything. It gave him HOPE. Hope that maybe, perhaps- He could barely think of the words without going breathless. He could FEEL Blaine’s pulse raising under the warm touch of his thumb, and he wanted to grab his hand, reel all of him in, but he couldn’t move. He kept staring at him, pupils blown out with hope and doubt all the same. A breath escaped when Blaine didn’t pull away, and then the WORDS. He’d been forgiven. And it was more than he could’ve hoped for. He thought he’d have to pursue Blaine for a long time before he could even be around him as friends. Feelings or no feelings. His heart was racing too. And he’d never felt anything like it before. He didn’t know how to COPE with it. He needed Blaine closer with a ravenous hunger, and at the same time if they just stayed like that, it felt like it was more than enough to overwhelm him. His eyebrows screwed, and he panted. Daring to hope for something when Blaine talked like that. When they first met, he thought he could tell everything the other boy was feeling with just one look. And he hadn’t felt like that since, but he did now. ‘Then maybe we should do something about it.’ He urged, as he moved chairs to impulsively get closer. His hand letting go of his wrist, only to slide alongside the inside his forearm on the table and place his fingers warmly at the bend of his elbow. Sebastian looked at him. ‘Look, killer. This scares the shit out of me. Alright?? But after-’ Dave, Slushie ‘Everything. I’d be a fucking idiot to let you go over BAD TIMING. That’s stupid. That first time we sat here, on this table and talked- I know you know what I mean.’ He stated. He was so close on his side but facing him, that their knees were touching and the warmth made his breath shallow. ‘I won’t. Even if you walk out on me. I’m not asking you for anything other than a chance. Don’t we deserve at least that much??’
Hope filling Sebastian’s eyes gave a splash of relief from the building tension, hurt, ache squeezing Blaine’s chest. Yes, he’d forgiven Sebastian a long time ago. Much to the disapproval of his friends who threw the incident at him–’He almost blinded you!’–as a reason to doubt the sincerity of the boy who committed the action trying to suddenly redeem himself after a near stranger almost—. ‘How could he forgive someone like Sebastian for that? Apologies and donation tins aside?’ Those were the questions that the less forgiving people he knew drilled into him non-stop until they let it go and their attention shifted to their personal dramas that took focus off Blaine’s at last. But. He saw Sebastian suffering. Felt it.
Yes, Sebastian was forgiven. Blaine hoped that he could, eventually, forgive himself. It was so much easier to focus on the look of hope in Sebastian’s eyes than to hone in on the way his breath was stolen when he switched seats. How it all rushed back in when a touch that slid up his arm ignited every nerve ending and made them dance. The way Sebastian’s tone was soft, his petname fell from his tongue. Blaine’s spine felt the syllables. It always did. The inside of his mouth dried up so much he had to run his tongue over the roof to wet it again. Hazel eyes fell shut and brows shoved together, face scrunched in an attempt to keep what he was feeling in check and not let his eyes fill with tears. Their knees brushed together as Blaine covered Sebastian’s hand and cupped the side of his pale throat with the other. “We deserve a lot.” Honesty came at a price. His efforts to keep his eyes dry were spent and he opened them to search Sebastian’s knowing the burning wasn’t going to stop. Guilt filled them deeply. “But,” his voice dropped to a whisper. Who knew what he was begging for? Understanding, an interruption, a call out, his room to argue shut away? He wouldn’t say–but the tone was there. “For us to get a chance at what we deserve–someone I care deeply about gets the exact opposite. How am I supposed to do that to him after–everything I promised? What kind of a person does that make me if I do?”
pianokeysandbowties 