Out Of Luck

kurt.

He wanted to lie.  As he saw Blaine’s frantic movement and heard that kind of voice he wanted to apologize again but he couldn’t leave things as they were.  It was all or nothing, to an extent.  He couldn’t chicken out.  He’d have to explain more another time, when things were less of a shock.  Then he’d go on to say that nothing else was real.  No angels, no fairy tail creatures, just another species of creature that entered the human ‘world’ a long time ago.  

When Kurt found out about these things, it wasn’t someone he loved.  It was someone he was fond of but he didn’t really know Oliver and didn’t mind that.  The disbelief, he went through that, but he didn’t have this moment that Blaine was.  Kurt was composed as he listened to his friend and he took in another deep breath.  “I can’t lie to you, Blaine.  Not about this.”  He shook his head but kept his eyes – he was freaked out by them the first day himself – locked on him, as if Blaine might not believe it without some kind of proof staring at him.  “I’d love to tell you it’s not real but it is.”

If he knew what Oliver was when they met, he wondered if things would have been different.  He felt like he’s been tricked – lured – in when he found out.  He trusted this boy to guide him blindly almost every night, like he’d never normally do, and the guy was a demon. That sense of betrayal felt so small now.  He hadn’t been one himself this entire time, no, but he left to become one knowingly.  How much did that sting?  Was it only confusing because human feelings felt more distant now or was it truly how different their experiences were?  Where did his empathy go?

Never in his life did Blaine think that he would be putting distance between him and the man sitting on his bed staring at him–but he was.  Step by step until his back was pressed against the door and he ran out of space to move any further.  –Instinct?  Fear?  Room to breathe?  He had no idea, he was just moving.– Nor would he ever dream that he couldn’t meet Kurt’s eyes.  Looking inside of them had always felt like peering into a window and realizing he was home.  Now they dropped Blaine’s heart when he realized that they might not be anymore.  –Who was he kidding?–  They weren’t.  –Were they?– 

Knowing that made him stare at the metal headboard past Kurt’s head unable to take what he saw and that sinking feeling in his gut that his doubts were real.  There was nothing he could do but listen because it was the truth and truth was so important between them.  From moment one up to now.  No matter if it was breaking into pieces he wasn’t sure how he could fix.  Or if he was the only one of them to remember for months that they promised to always be honest. Blaine’s mind was reeling.  He could beg Kurt for it to be a lie–part of him desperately wanted to–but Kurt couldn’t give that to him.

“You left me for that,” he immediately regretted asking.  “You left everyone for,” a shaking hand waved at Kurt before both reached up and shoved through his hair loosening the usually tamed curls and causing some to hang down.  Balling them into fists next, he dug into his eyes.  When he stopped, they were red and his lashes barely held back tears that were bound to start falling with the next crackling exhale.  “How–?  Why–?  What did I do to make you think that this is what you wanted?”  His mind continued to scream that this wasn’t real, that this was impossible. He could hear it so loud that it made his head hurt but all he could think to ask was how, why and what?