Out Of Luck

kurt.

Kurt was determined to not completely shut off his emotions. It would be so much easier, but it would defeat the purpose. And knowing Oliver, he might guess or sense that much and come to trip him. He and Blaine did not need to meet today.
“What I did to you was awful Blaine. I will never deny that you have every right to hate me.” He started to reach for Blaine’s hand, cautious about taking hold. “But if I’m going to tell you the truth-the actual truth, then you have to promise me this will never leave this room. I wasn’t supposed to know about Oliver but he broke that rule for me, and I want to break that for you too. Without the part where I turn you into one too.. I’d never want you to go through it I-” He shook his head, letting his eyes close.

Hopefully, he wasn’t too wrapped up in his emotions now. At lease he understood why the others might have fits from time to time. Putting his attention on it to keep it from leaving made everything strong, like all or nothing. The problem lying was a concerned Oliver knocking on the door – unlikely, he’d sit outside and listen in – or more than what he wanted to change changing. Eyes were easy, but so were veins and nails and that might be too much for Blaine today.

“You and I both could be hurt if you tell another soul what I’m about to tell you.”

Blaine kept his hand out and waited to see if Kurt would close the distance between them enough to take it.  Hating the fact that for the first time since they were together that he didn’t feel like he had the right to be the one to make a move that should have flowed so naturally between them.  It did nothing to erase how this night kept getting more overwhelming and painful.  Hazel eyes opened wide and stared up at Kurt from where he froze in place on the bed. “Hate you.  I don’t hate you, Kurt.  I don’t think I ever could hate you,” he whispered trying hard to hide the hurt he felt.

In turn he figured he could try to use that pain and cover up the slight feeling of angered betrayal that he was left floundering in Kurt’s absence while Kurt just admitted that–and it was awful to think about–he just didn’t care enough to put it to rest.  He disappeared on his own free will and forgot about who he was leaving behind. Or at this person who hurt him even though Kurt said he knew what was happening?  Confusion, desperate and deep, laced inside it all. He had no idea what to feel and when to feel it to the point that his head was starting to spin trying to figure it out and pick just one.

“What do you mean turn me into one?  Of course I won’t tell anyone.  Do you even have to ask? No one is going to hurt us.  I never would have let anyone hurt you,” if Kurt would have let him went unsaid but didn’t need words to be voiced anyway.  His glance down at his lap said all that need to be.  “All I’m asking is that you explain this to me before my head explodes because I’m not sure I can take many more hints and half-truths.  Talk to me,” he plead again.  Maybe this time Kurt would trust him enough to give him the answers he needed.  Even if they were the ones he didn’t want.