kurt.
He didn’t need to look at Blaine to know what he felt. Even if it weren’t a feeling, the movement beside him and occasional grip on his hands was a giveaway. He should feel worse than he does though. Worse than that, Kurt let himself smile even briefly. Clearly he wasn’t as prepared as he thought. This was more than he thought to be prepared for, but he’s not sure why. After all, it’s Blaine.
But he still promised honesty. He could be guilty for the past, but he’d tell the truth now – with a vaguely strained voice.“I wasn’t supposed to. The rules to going were that no one could know. I can’t defend what I did before, there was no reason not to tell you I made a friend but I think I just liked having something no one knew about. A journal would have been considerably easier.” He trailed off and cleared his throat. When he looked at Blaine at last, he did so for the purpose of making an impact. "I don’t even remember the first two months I was gone, Blaine. I remember waking up after nightmares to find out I’m sweating and bleeding on the floor, or that I broke the only furniture in the room and he had to lock me in to keep me from damaging myself.“ Kurt held that stare for a long minute before he stood and reached for the lock on the door.
With a deep breath, he turned to face Blaine again. "But y’know… I didn’t even do it blindly. He told me what he was before we left. He wanted to make me into the same and that was a little too scary for me, but in the end I can’t even say I did it for love or something like that. You’re the only one who’s had my heart.” He shrugged. It wasn’t completely true, but it was enough. The love he’s felt for Oliver isn’t like with Blaine. He could have had a life with Blaine. He liked feeling powerful with Oliver or that’s how it started. "But in the end I’m a greedy little shit that liked the idea of not being human.“
In a total loss of what to say or think, Blaine watched him stand in silence. He should’ve been talking by the way his mouth moved but the only noises he made were unintelligible beginnings of words. Blaine stared between Kurt’s hand and the door wondering why he locked them in. Was Kurt afraid he was going to be the one to walk out of his own room? Not likely. He needed answers. Needed this feeling of hurt and anger that was first directed at Kurt, then himself and finally this person that Kurt kept talking about who stole him away.
The one who really deserved it came last on that scale? How?
Blaine rubbed his face trying to focus on one thing at a time. “What did he do to you that erased months? Did he drug you? I don’t–.” Part of him, a dark side that balled up fists and punched bags and sometimes people to let itself out wanted to cut this conversation short and go find this guy so he could beat him to a pulp for hurting the person that he loved. Apparently that wasn’t going to happen. Why not? “You went into that knowing–,” Blaine learned that, yes, his heart could break even more. –You’d rather go through hell with someone new then pick up the phone and call me?–
Who was he looking at? He was starting to wonder if he knew the person standing in front of him at all. A doubt that cut him like a knife. Then everything that didn’t make sense grew impossibly worse. All he managed was a blank blink of ‘what the hell did you say?’. “What was he? A junkie? What did you get wrapped into? Not human? Kurt, this doesn’t make sense.. Help me understand,” he reached out leaving it up to Kurt to take his hand wondering if he would even bother, “I don’t know if I can get any more lost.” Could they just redo this whole conversation? Make this reunion the one he kept hoping to have that got him through? What was happening now was anything but. This? Whatever this was? Was awful..
pianokeysandbowties 